More

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors
Dylan Brody

GET UPDATES FROM Dylan Brody
 

Love in the Age of H8

Posted: 08/10/10 01:44 PM ET

With the overturning of California's Proposition 8, the U.S. enters a new era in basic civil rights. As delightful as it has been to see homophobes falling over themselves to find justifications for their political stance that might read as anything other than transparent bigotry, it is even more delightful to see them lose their argument in a court of law. I applaud the ruling as I applaud all individuals courageous enough to seek out love in a world of fear and commit to a lasting relationship in a world of temptation. I've been told I'm a hopeless romantic.

Naturally, the most steadfast of the opponents to same-sex marriage have accused the gay judge who ruled against Prop 8 of being biased. I suppose that is true, to some degree; after all, who is not slightly biased in favor of his own rights to liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Still, the venom spouted toward this man is yet another indication of the level of bigotry at work in the struggle of the extreme right to keep homosexuality closeted, dismissed and subjugated beneath the heel of a heterocentric world view.

I think the recent history of homophobia bears a bit of review. Only in the past few years have arguments against gay marriage hinged on the idea that same-sex couples somehow damaged the sanctity of marriage. This was obviously a drummed up argument. Had the forces of conservatism really be interested in protecting marriage as an institution, surely they would have campaigned just as strongly to outlaw divorce. And unanticipated weight gain. Let us not forget that the same groups who now oppose gay marriage, not so long ago railed against homosexuals for their promiscuity. Let me put forth a simple theory: You can't please bigots.

If they will rail against promiscuity and will object to monogamy, one has to assume that it is not the nature of the relationships they object to, but rather the nature of the relations.

Now a blow has been struck against the Christian Right in its self-righteous battle against some people's monogamy, its legal struggle to institutionalize discrimination. Will it turn the other cheek? Probably not. I suspect that this small, vociferous minority will continue to rant, to rage, to carry hateful signs laden with offensive epithets. Meanwhile, happy couples, knowing that the legal system does not bow to the prejudice of the few, will take joyously to their marital beds and turn other cheeks of their own. Science tells us that sexual preference is less about choice than it is about chemistry, wiring and quite probably genetics. Spirituality tells us that decency and kindness are a lifestyle choice.

Because I firmly believe in a separation of church and state, I cannot in good conscience seek to have hatred and cruelty legally banned. I can only hope that those with whom I disagree can find enough love and support in their own lives to feel comfortable allowing others to live by their own choices. Perhaps in order to do that, all they need is permission to love whom they will, as they will.

I think I've been misdiagnosed. A romantic, yes. But most definitely hopeful.

 
 
 

Follow Dylan Brody on Twitter: www.twitter.com/dylanbrody

 
 
  • Comments
  • 111
  • Pending Comments
  • 0
  • View FAQ
Comments are closed for this entry
View All
Favorites
Bloggers
Recency  | 
Popularity
02:24 PM on 08/17/2010
Dylan - Yours is the first article I've seen calling out the Christian Right's flip flop on "sexual promiscuity" v. Marriage.

I have listened to fundamentalist radio for years. And for years heard their screeds about "the promiscuous gay life style", as if being gay and being promiscuous were synonymous.

Then, once the gay community said "You're right. Marriage is better" -- well, look at the fire storm (all the while claiming that they "hate the sin but love the sinner" - NOT.)

Keep getting the word out about this flip flop. It won't change a single bigot because they are impervious to their own hypocrisy, but it might clarify the thinking of the rational middle.

BTW: I'm 60+ straight mother of 2. LGBT's folks DO have a lot of support out here!
12:54 AM on 08/14/2010
Gosh, for someone so offended by hate-filled speech you sure use a lot of it when referring to Christians.

Something you conveniently forget is that this is the second vote that has been overturned by one man. The people are not with you or this issue. It seems you have no compelling argument for homosexual marriage.
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Fogy
RIP, ignorance
02:23 AM on 08/14/2010
Scottydoesnotknow.

It seems your post to me earlier on another thread was either deleted or still in limbo somewhere, so I'll reply here. Your comments demand correction.

Nowhere did I say marriage was a constitutional right. I said it was a fundamental right. There is a difference. A constitutional right would be one that is granted by the Constitution. A fundamental right is universal and ubiquitous.

Further, you claim that therefore "it IS left up to each state to vote on the issue " while intentionally, or naively, ignoring the 14th amendment prohibiting states from discrimination. Your argument, referring to the other post, is folly.

The folly spills over to here I see. The people don't have to be with the protection of the rights of the individual, but they can't do anything about it short of an amendment, and if you're so bigoted as to push for an amendment to crush the rights of other Americans, you are anti-American.

You may have personal bigoted reasons for seeding to destroy the lives of others, but you certainly don't have a shred of compelling legal or factual arguments. You're just whining.
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
photo
04:04 PM on 08/12/2010
"If they will rail against promiscuity and will object to monogamy, one has to assume that it is not the nature of the relationships they object to, but rather the nature of the relations."

This is the simple truth and good to see in print. First, marginalize them, and then point to the symptoms of marginalization to underline the marginalization. Vicious cycle of ruined lives and outrageous lies. Hush, hush!

After gay liberation began, the pamphleteers of the right (the FRC especially) attempted to kick gay people to the gutter and then call out that they were in the gutter. They used any number of made-up statistics and this continues to a lesser degree today (see the Tom Emmer and MN GOP backed You Can Run But You Cannot Hide "ministry's" outrageous citation of non-existent facts).

Once the marriage drive began things turned a bit and we have at last arrived at the real truth about the religious Right's intentions towards gay people--that they are both violent, anti-social, and in a pinch, genocidal. They simply wish us out of existence.

Short of our obliteration, they'll resort to any distortion of truth and morality that suits their actual purposes (see atrocity, gaybashing, verbal assault, school bullying, etcetera).
photo
LintLass
"When you can balance a tackhammer on your head...
10:14 AM on 08/12/2010
Homophobic arguments share no principle or rationale or consistency other than that they're anti-gay.

Indeed it doesn't matter if the hate doesn't even agree with itself, never mind the truth. The only point is that it's anti-gay. I heard it best put once: If the government gave out surplus ice cream, they'd try to make sure gay people didn't get any.
08:56 PM on 08/11/2010
I posted this on John Whitheads blog, it applies here too.

The issue with the Christian Right is they always look for someone else to blame (things never go wrong and/or change because of me mentality) and you can never use logic with people who do not face reponsibility or the truth. Look at Prop 8 Ruling - according to the Christian Right, they didn't lose because of a laughably weak case, they lost because of a "biased gay judge". As this goes to the Supreme Court - I do not believe it will be a 5-4 - I think it will be at least 7-2 and possibly (If Olson hits all the "Right" notes - Pun Intended) could be 9-0 - you can clearly see in Walkers Ruling there are points where he is talking directly to Kennedy, Scalia and Thomas. The Christian Right will then blame it on 9 "Activist" Judges and why? Because currently there are no "Christians" on The Surpeme Court - Six are Catholic (Alito, Kennedy, Roberts, Scalia, Sotomayor and Thomas) and Three are Jewish (Breyer, Ginsburg and Kagan). They will say that it is a travesty that there isn't any Christian Justice on the Supreme Court and imposing their "secular" views on a country "Founded by a Christian God". The Republicans Presidential Candidates will have to turn the rhetoric from "I will appoint Conservative Judges" (remember McCain saying that all the time) to "I will appoint only Conservative Christian Judges who follow the rule
01:16 AM on 08/12/2010
Being remarkably optimistic there. Between Scalia, Alito, Thomas and Kennedy, you've got 4 SCOTUS Justices who either hate teh gheyz or believe that discrimination in law and practice is perfectly permissible (See: Kennedy in the "Boy Scouts of America vs. Philadeplhia" ruling).

On this decision, Roberts, of all people, would be the wild card, given his history of working pro bono for a LGBT rights group seeking to invalidate a Colorady Consutional amendment banning antidiscrimination laws.
11:15 AM on 08/11/2010
AWESOME post, Dylan. Thanks for this mornings bit of common sense wisdom, not to mention a few laughs.

I'll say it again... if you are truly consumed by hatred of gays and everything they do, everything they are, hate the very fact that they exist, there really is no better way to inflict pain and suffering upon them than to allow them to get married.

As for the "sanctity of marriage" argument from the reicht-wing, I agree completely... and I think the left is missing a golden opportunity here. They need to find a dozen or so liberal senators who have never been divorced and propose... well, call it the Crusade for Marriage bill, or something conservs can really sink their teeth into...a constitutional amendment outlawing both divorce and gay marriage. Throw down the gaultlet!! You want to prevent gays from marrying because you want the institution to "remain sacred" (whatever that means) ? Fine. This new amendment will define marriage as an institution that exists between one man and one woman, FOR LIFE. The new law will nullify all existing divorces. Any divorced person shall immediately be considered married to their original spouse; if that spouse is deceased, the relationship will resume with the next living spouse in chronological order of marriage (I'm talking to you, Newt and Rush). All property and children divided in the divorce will be henceforth assumed to be part of the resumed marriage and shared equally. Have at it.
photo
HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Dylan Brody
02:34 PM on 08/11/2010
Thanks, oh mighty one. It's nice to get comments like this. Since posting I've been getting a huge number of weird-ass hate e-mails and am involved in a baffling debate on the facebook wall of a friend who reposted the piece.
02:51 PM on 08/11/2010
This is why I will have nothing to do with facebook, my brother.

Thanks for the reponse...keep up the good writing.
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Mik McAllister
07:38 PM on 08/11/2010
The problem with any discussion on Fakebook is that it takes place on Fakebook.

Let's face it, their quality control went offline about 3 years before the site went online.

I've signed the petition for the ban on divorce in California. I'm hoping the CA Supremes make it retroactive, since the Prop H8 people were so pissed off about the CA Supremes not doing so re: Prop H8.
10:49 AM on 08/12/2010
An initiative to ban divorce in California failed to qualify for this November's ballot, for lack of signatures. Go figure.
photo
HUFFPOST PUNDIT
Jdaddy1951
09:05 AM on 08/11/2010
I really think the news media is doing the world a disservice by not investigating and exposing to the world the individuals who are the loudest and most obnoxious voices crawling out from the rock called The Christian Right.

Could the private life of Maggie Gallagher, that vile Jersey cow who speaks for the National Organization for Marriage, stand up to the scrutiny that Judge Vaughn Walker has been subjected to?

What about Fred Phelps and his daughter, Shirley Phelps-Roper? They've certainly become public figures through the angry, homophobic activities of Westboro Baptist Church. Why isn't the mainstream media doing reports on THEIR family history?

Is George Rekers the only closeted homosexual man who worked for Focus on the Family? Why isn't an investigation being done on them?

These are just the most visible people. There are plenty of other haters and hypocrites who should be exposed to the world. I'll bet if the spotlight was turned on THEIR personal lives they'd run for cover like ants whose hill has been kicked over by a toddler.

Yeah, Dylan, you're a romantic, and God bless you for it. But these culture wars are just exactly that --- WARS. Once you're in 'em, the only way out is to win, even if that means destroying the other side. We gay people didn't ask to be a part of this war; it was declared upon us by these bigots. Excuse me if I say, "Take no prisoners."
photo
HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Dylan Brody
02:35 PM on 08/11/2010
Thanks so much for the thoughtful comment. Boy, it's nice to get a supportive message in the midst of going through the reams of hateful, angry e-mail this piece seems to've generated.
photo
HUFFPOST PUNDIT
Jdaddy1951
04:44 PM on 08/11/2010
People are really angry now and with justification. Prop 8 should never have been put on the ballot. People like Maggie Gallagher should never get national news time for their fringe opinions.

I'd like nothing better than for everyone to get together and just talk this out over ice water and Jell-o (so the Mormons will feel comfortable) and fabulous quiche, but it's gone on too long and too far for that to happen at this point. I'm glad to see more of the gay and gay-friendly folks get off their complacent asses and speak out. If that had happened in more numbers before Prop 8 was voted on, we wouldn't have gone through this court case.

One suggested anthem for the people fighting the good fight after this first Prop 8 victory in court:

My Boyfriend's Back

He went away and you hung around
And bothered me, every night
And when I wouldn't go out with you
You said things that weren't very nice

My boyfriend's back and you're gonna be in trouble
(Hey-la-day-la my boyfriend's back)
You see him comin' better cut out on the double
(Hey-la-day-la my boyfriend's back)
You been spreading lies that I was untrue
(Hey-la-day-la my boyfriend's back)
So look out now cause he's comin' after you

(Hey-la-day-la my boyfriend's back)
(Hey, he knows that you been tryin')
(And he knows that you been lyin') ,,,
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Mik McAllister
07:46 PM on 08/11/2010
"But these culture wars are just exactly that --- WARS. Once you're in 'em, the only way out is to win, even if that means destroying the other side. We gay people didn't ask to be a part of this war; it was declared upon us by these bigots. Excuse me if I say, "Take no prisoners." "

Yes. We need to fight this war with every available resource.

Do not take prisoners. If you take prisoners, you have to feed them, cloth them, shelter them... sounds awfully like an "entitlement" program to me, and that's just socialism in disguise. Not to mention having to reschedule your day to let those pesky Red Cross inspectors in, and those interfering busy-bodies at the UN.

However, I would like to point out that the US has already okayed, at top levels, germ warfare, nuclear weapons, chemical weapons, and torture. In fact, those were okayed by Republican leaders, so it must be okay for us to use as well.

Also, an opinion from the Bush administration Justice Department clearly stated that there are no *real* civilians in such a conflict, so everyone is pretty much fair game. Hey, they made the rules, we have to follow them.

The real point is to find and destroy the WMDs (Weapons of Mass Discrimination). We know they are out there.
photo
HUFFPOST PUNDIT
Jdaddy1951
08:12 PM on 08/11/2010
I used to date a guy with a WMD, but if I elaborated, I'm sure the HUFFPO purity police would be all over me like white on rice. In any case, it wasn't the kind of WMD most people would complain about unless they had some intimacy issues ...
photo
HUFFPOST PUNDIT
Hardyman1966
The antonym of liberal is INTOLERANT.
10:31 PM on 08/10/2010
I REALLY look forward to the day when terrified heterosexuals can find a better way to spend their daily life than fixate and obsess over what the 2 guys next door are doing.

THAT'S sick. And I've never had THAT much free time.

TTFN! :)
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
rjmtx
blah blah blah
10:34 PM on 08/10/2010
As a not terrified heterosexual, I'll have to admit that I'm more concerned with what the two gals next door are doing.
photo
HUFFPOST PUNDIT
Hardyman1966
The antonym of liberal is INTOLERANT.
11:32 PM on 08/10/2010
Perfect! Sounds like my brother. That I can work with! :)
06:23 PM on 08/11/2010
Ditto
09:47 PM on 08/10/2010
Gay marriage will be ruled constitutional by the Supreme Court. However, I am one of those who really do not believe it will be a 5-4 decision - the image of Olson and Boies together in the courtroom will just be too powerful - for all 9 of them. I think it will be at least 7-2 and could even be 9-0. If it were 9-0, I actually think the Christian Right will be even louder than if it were 5-4 and here is why. Of the nine Justices, six are Catholic (Roberts, Alito, Kennedy, Scalia, Sotomayor and Thomas) and three (Breyer, Ginsburg and Kagan) are Jewish. The Christian Right will (like they did with the trial), "blame" somebody else, just like they are blaming the ruling of an otherwise down the line conservative judge who didn't get confirmed the first time because he was "too" conservative on a "gay activist". A 9-0 ruling would have the religious right screaming that "anti-christian, gay, african-american, hispanic, female, activist judges" interfered with gods rule and will probably demand any Republican going forward not only appoint "conservative justices", but rather "conservative, christian judges who will follow gods word". The good side of me hopes that a 9-0 ruling would make everyone realize how out of reality the religious right really is.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
joelb5000
12:26 PM on 08/11/2010
If Alito finally backs gay rights, I'll have a heart attack. I'd put money on it that he won't vote in favor of it. I think he has religious scholars working on his legal team.
photo
rambot02
A modest proposal...
03:07 PM on 08/11/2010
There are so many Catholics on SCOTUS I'm surprised they don't announce their decisions by sending puffs of smoke up the Sistene Chapel chimney: white smoke for upholding the lower court decision, black smoke for overturning it.

=^..^=
06:47 PM on 08/10/2010
““The reason for excluding same-sex couples from marriage matters: If the reason for denying same-sex marriage is that we have no respect for homosexuals and their relationships, or want to give the message that homosexuality is wrong, then, the exclusion of same-sex couples from marriage is not ethically acceptable from the perspective of respect for homosexuals and their relationships. It is also discrimination.

On the other hand, if the reason is to keep the very nature, essence and substance of marriage intact, and that essence is to protect the inherently procreative relationship, then excluding same-sex couples from marriage is ethically acceptable from the perspective of respect for them and their relationships. And such a refusal is not discrimination.

From Margaret Somerville, "The case against "Same-sex marriage". A Brief Submitted to The Standing Committee on Justice and Human Rights, April 29, 2003.â€
10:01 PM on 08/10/2010
Actually, the judge's decision explores the issues you raise very clearly in the decision (the text is available on the HP site in another story). It's interesting reading and well-written (for a legal document) and it addresses virtually all the issues people have been raising.
10:29 PM on 08/10/2010
Thank you for the reference -- I've already read the transcript of the trial and the full text of Judge Walker's decision, which is his opinion, of course.

I agree that it is interesting: his opinion is flawed in that it never addresses head-on what constitutes the reality of marriage.The opinion treats the inherent procreative potential of heterosexual intercourse as an accident, as something that is not distinctive, or as something that does not indicate a specific kind of relationship.

It will be interesting to see how this plays with SCOTUS.
01:43 PM on 08/11/2010
It seems to me that by that logic people who don't wish to have children shouldn't be allowed to marry.
02:15 PM on 08/11/2010
Het couples who don't want children initially may very well change their minds, and het couples who don't want children often have them as a result of the natural result of procreative intercourse. Of course they are candidates for marriage.

SS couples can never procreate naturally between them.
05:33 PM on 08/10/2010
"Had the forces of conservatism really be interested in protecting marriage as an institution, surely they would have campaigned just as strongly to outlaw divorce."

You are correct in your assessment of both states: Historic precedent is on the side of "heterocentrists," who hold marriage to be an institution by God ordered, by Christ endorsed, by the Holy Spirit instructed, and declared by inspiration to be honorable in the sight of all men. By definition, proponents of marriage should eschew divorce, with the exception of infidelity--provision for which is also prescribed by the Trinity mentioned above.

The outrage against the legal allowance of same-sex couplings is that it lowers to that debased level the heterosexual marriage as defined and observed since the begining of time. I don't care what you do in your bedroom, and I wouldn't want to watch. I just don't want you to deign to call it by the same name I use to describe the relationship husbands and wives call marriage.
10:06 PM on 08/10/2010
Today is our second wedding anniversary. We were issued a "certificate and license of marriage" by the county in which we live here in California. Our marriage is as legal as any of our also-married neighbors. You have every right to your own opinion, but the state of California has designated our relationship as a "marriage." And, yes, we are one of California's 18,000 same sex legally married couples. (The California Supreme Court did not overturn the same sex marriages that took place between June and November 2008, so despite Prop 8, we are married--we just don't get any federal recognition, unlike our married opposite sex neighbors.)
11:10 PM on 08/10/2010
Happy Anniversary!
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Mik McAllister
01:05 AM on 08/11/2010
Happy Anniversary!
As they used to say: "Many happy returns of the day!"
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
joelb5000
12:29 PM on 08/11/2010
What church supplies your facts? Marriage existed long before the notion of your Christ ever did. But, for starters, how about you concentrate on your Christianity and remind yourself that he NEVER ONCE mentioned gays and NEVER ONCE mentioned it was acceptable to impose your religious belief system on others. Perhaps one day the Mormons at the National Organization for Marriage will want to impose their polygamists beliefs on everyone else, including yourself. Will you tolerate their imposition of that religious belief on your life?
05:01 PM on 08/10/2010
Mr. Brody, in the defense of separation of church of state why not take Judge Walker to task for his unconstitutional attack on religion by stating in his Findings of Fact that, “Religious beliefs that gay and lesbian relationships are sinful or inferior to heterosexual relationships harm gays and lesbians.â€

In addition, Judge Walker's arguments are only weakened when he steps waste deep into theself-contradiction when he claims that "Domestic partnerships lack the social meaning associated with marriage, and marriage is widely regarded as the definitive expression of love and commitment in the United States." On one hand he claims that religion has no say on civil matters yet on the other he relies on philosophies of love to prop up his attack against Proposition 8.

Judges use religious beliefs and world views everyday to make sound decisions. It is expected and normal. Religion has a roll to play. Philosophy has it's proper place in the court room. Civil laws should be synchronous with the same universal laws that govern religion and philosophy. No, priests, pastors and rabbis shouldn't be judges, but judges should have pastors, priests, and rabbi's. Certainly, Judge Walker is taking his spiritual director under advisement. Unfortunely his spiritual bias is out of sync with our constitution and social norms.
07:35 PM on 08/10/2010
Are you arguing that religion teaches love and commitment? Because it does precisely the opposite. Well, it does teach commitment to tithing.

Religion does not equal love. Explain how atheists love then.
09:35 PM on 08/10/2010
Yes, many religions do teach love and many religions are made up of pitiful people, like myself. An authentically religious person will love not just himself, but also others and God. Yes, Atheists can love, too, but they can't love God nor will they feel an affinity for those who do what they do for a love of God. I've known atheists who are deeply moral and loving yet remain cynical about religious motivation. So if we're talking about prejudice and bigotry many atheists would fit the bill as would many of us who are religious. But just because something is used wrongly doesn't mean that thing itself is bad. In other words, just because gay marriage is wrong, it doesn't mean that people should stop getting married.
12:03 AM on 08/11/2010
You make it sound like Judge Walker himself said that religious belief harms gays and lesbians. He did not. As you point out, that is a Findings of Fact.

He derived the finding from the trial, and listed the evidence that supported that finding. There may be other evidence that discounts it; however, it is not in the trial evidence, despite all the opportunity the proponents had to enter it. If you have a problem with that finding, your argument is with the proponents, not Judge Walker.
02:13 AM on 08/12/2010
The Judge is primarily responsible for judging something as factual or not. His findings of fact are not factual. Doesn't he share some responsibility for the decision?
photo
HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Elayne Boosler
Writer, comedian, founder Tails of Joy.
04:30 PM on 08/10/2010
Beautiful piece Dylan, thank you.
photo
HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Dylan Brody
01:06 AM on 08/12/2010
Thanks, Elayne. It makes me proud to hear you say so.
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Mik McAllister
03:47 PM on 08/10/2010
Will the Christians In Name Only please stop speculating about the nature of my relationship, as well as the nature of my relations?

Because, quite frankly, I don't see why you would want to stand in my bedroom anyway.
06:41 PM on 08/11/2010
LOL.

I've said it before and I'll say it again... I profoundly and sincerely apologize for how my fellow "christians" have acted towards you (plural) and can say only that bigotry towards gays is NOT a reflectoin of Christ's teachings; it is a perversion of them.

Many people (they can be found on this site, every day) vehemently hate the christian religion, and label it bigoted, hypocritical, and the cause of more suffering than any government that has ever existed. It is with sorrow that i have to admit, they are correct in their criticism. If only christians would act more like Christ, this would indeed by a more beautiful world. Until then, I can only apologize and say, once again: We are not all as they are.

Fanned, my brother.
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Mik McAllister
11:16 PM on 08/11/2010
Father Jake has said a few times that Christians remember Christ's birth and Christ's death, but disregard everything in between.

The truth is Christ was a social activist.

As I like to say, "Christ threw the moneychangers out of the Temple. Christians ordained them."
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
photo
05:05 PM on 08/12/2010
The fact that you feel the need to defend Christ from his followers says a lot; however, the simple fact is that labeling Christianity as bigoted when it's wielded in the context of judgment in politics is precisely correct. One would certainly not be able to accurately blame any LGBT person for being a bit on edge when the topic arises. Cf. the "me exalted/you debased" presentation above. Laughably stupid at best.