Angelina Will Set Her Sights on Stealing Ling Ling's Husband!

Alas, I have discovered that old timey, stodgy "advice" to movie stars and politicians doesn't work. What they need are "predictions."

Comments

[DaNiced]

As one Sagittarian would say to another, "who needs to open a package, when you can use imagination instead?"

[fayeruz]

Oh, I will wish for warmer socks tonight! Especially if they're attached to a J-Crew model. Is that too much to ask?!

[RockinGoldenGirl]

My oh soooo bad Gemini twin is busy being intolerable and naughty and is currently 'working' us out of a ticket with a dawling CHP officer...I do wish they'd hurry as I have to finish rushing my drunk aunt to the hospital. I Heimlich'd that damn turkey bone from uncle smack dab into the poor old woman's left eye!

[DaNiced]

True Sagittarians are still doing the lit match joke: “What’s this?” “Richard Pryor on fire!”

[Athena78]

That's a relief, I was worried purchasing land in Palm Beach would mean I'd have to dress like I live THERE!

[Sally G]

This Gemini predicts that Scorpio will be voted Most Likely to render Virgos bald.

[Sally G]

Poor Aries - praying so hard for guidance on how to have his puppy application accepted by the White House. "Please, please, please tell me how to succeed -- and DON'T suggest the purple legwarmers! That's just crazy ..."

[Sally G]

This Gemini is THRILLED that today is officially "love an utterly intolerable person" day! It feels good to be accepted by one's peers ...

[Athena78]

Oh, that Capricorn was just harsh today.

I suppose if I had to choose I'd rather Hugh be on MY radar!

[DaNiced]

Ah, I am the conflicted Sagittarian, living my life twice. Once for myself and once for others. Both me and my big-little dog say:

Bow-Wow and Two Yap-Yaps!!!

[DaNiced]

A Conflicted Sagittarian gets to live life, twice. Once for yourself and once for others.
I'm just saying, Yap-yap and then Bow-Bow. Nice to be you.

[PeculiarB]

Hugh found it highly amusing that you'd imply I'm not on his radar. We just laughed and laughed, then went back to making out...

[Chillin55]

Sheela, here, chillin and posting again. Libra all the way!

[Sarah wink]

I Am glad I didn't go to online college.... chillingly accurate! ;)

[TheMike]

Normally I don't read horoscopes. They're usually too long and I am an incredibly busy individual with oil in Bakersfield pumping, pumping, pumping.

But wait, what's this? E Jean slims up the horoscope with some snazzy photos and sizzling quips?

Yes, please! This is how horoscopes should be: lean ninja-esque cuts that bring the funny.

Nice work E Jean and you folks at the Huffington post!