Glynnis MacNicol |
Posted Thursday May 3, 2007 at 11:08 PM
Welcome to our day after reflections on the Ronald Reagan love-fest Republican Presidential Debate. Or at least the ones we managed to get down before collapsing from alcohol boredom.
Unlike the Democratic debate this one apparently has a theme: middle-aged white men! How brilliant. Also non-politically correct in a non-ironic sort of way.
Who are half these candidates? Better yet, where are half the candidates? Chuck Hagel, Newt Gingrich, Fred Thompson...anyone with a shot at actually becoming President? Already we're suspecting we should have followed their lead and stayed away.
Giulaini: New York City. 9/11. Ronald Reagan. Also Google adwords his people should look into purchasing.
We miss Senator Gravel. Senator Gravel knew how to make the most of his no-shot-in-hell debate appearance. These people resemble actual potted plants. Wait! Someone here voted against the war? Who is Ron Paul?
Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan
Ah Ha!! WE GET IT. It's not that the Republicans are actually trying to gloss over the colossal failure of this president by eliminating all mention of the anything that has happened since January of 1989. This is actually a DRINKING GAME! Every time someone says Ronald Reagan you take a shot. What a brilliant way to enfranchise today's youth.
Mitt Romney says OSAMA IS GOING TO DIE!!! Everyone says that Mitt Romney looks presidential. But actually he reminds us of Rocky from the Rocky Horror Picture Show, if he'd married Janet and moved back to Connecticut. Oooh, Romney! With a determined chin...As he works for his cause. Someone say Reagan so we can have another drink.
Tommy Thompson doesn't like gay people. Or think they should be able to work.
John McCain saying something about Ronald Reagan and drunken sailors. Apparently they were in on the game, too. Even so, John McCain is making us sad in that stomach-hurting, we remember when you were inspiring and not a ass-kissing sell-out, sort of way. No joke.
It might be all the drinking, but we don't see a president on the stage. Except for Ronald Reagan. Hey, now there's an idea, maybe next time they can talk to the American Idol people and have him conjured up like the Elvis silhouette. Then Celine Dion can sing with him.
We think Hillary could take any one of these suckers down in less than thirty seconds.
And now abortion. Ten old white men discussing a woman's right to her own body. We feel a little sick. Someone say Reagan quick.
New game: Celebrity lookalikes! Mike Huckabee as Mr. Rogers, Sam Brownback as a young Mr. Furley, John Gilmore as an overweight President Bush, and Tommy Thompson, well we think he may have been on a Hairclub for Men commercial circa 1985.
NO to amending the constitution so that Arnie can be president. That's right. More guns and no foreigners!! According to Tom Tancredo they're not shooting enough Mexicans on the border. Oh, wait. They're just not shooting enough foreigners pretending to be Mexican.