Have you ever felt angry and didn't want to speak to someone ever again for hurting your feelings? It's a common scenario: someone says something that's rude, wrongly accuses us of doing something wrong, or in some other way makes us get reactive or defensive.
This can take us to the point where we most certainly don't want to wish them well. But does harboring dislike, revenge, even hate, do us any favors? Does it really make us feel better in the long run or does it just get us more stressed?
It's definitely important that we acknowledge what we are feeling -- all the anger, unfairness, and aversion -- and really honor how hurt we are. Repressing our feelings means they'll most likely just come up again at some point, probably when another situation triggers a similar response.
Negative emotions can sap our energy, especially when we hold on to them. They spread like wildfire, soon affecting our behavior and attitudes towards other people, like a single match that can burn down an entire forest.
And they create an emotional bond with the abuser that keeps our feelings alive, replaying the drama and conflict over in our heads, justifying our own behavior and disregarding theirs. In the process we may become a not-very-nice person.
Anger, aggression and bitterness are like thieves in the night who steal our ability to love and care. Is it possible to turn that negativity around and chill out so we can wish our abuser well, without necessarily needing to know them as a friend again? This may sound absurd and challenging but it can make life's difficulties far more tolerable. How can we do this?
- Recognize no one harms another unless they are in pain themselves. Ever noticed how, when you're in a good mood, it's hard for you to harm or hurt anything? You may even take the time to get an insect out of the sink. But if you're stressed or in a bad mood, think of how easy it is to simply wash it down the drain.
How do you deal with someone who has hurt you? Can you see how to bring more kindness into your life? Do comment below.
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