Giving: It's The New Getting

The Dalai Lama was giving teachings in Dharamsala, India. It was crowded and cold and very uncomfortable sitting on mats on the concrete floor. Deb was longing to go back to our hotel room so she could meditate quietly on her own when we heard him start talking about the dangers of solitary peace. He spoke of how tempting it can be to want to be on our own, but how easily this can disengage us from the reality around us. That it is vital to be in communication, engaged in giving, sharing and caring for each other. And that the giving of ourselves is the greatest act of generosity.

President-Elect Barack Obama is talking about the need for service in the rebuilding of America and how, by us coming together, we can make things work in these difficult times. Yes! We can do it! The great spiritual teachers from all traditions taught that this path of service is the most important of all as it asks for us to be less self-centered. Through caring for others we can step outside of ourselves and release any sense of separateness.

Through service we discover that in giving we do not lose anything, we do not have any less. Rather, we gain so much. As our friend Mathew Gerson, founder of eConscious Market, says: Giving. It's the new getting. We may feel we have little to offer but whether it is a few pennies or a whole bankroll, a smile, a cup of tea or a banquet, is irrelevant; it is the act of giving itself that is important. As Gandhi said, Almost anything we do will seem insignificant, but it is very important that we do it.

And as one of our most fun teachers, Sri Swami Satchidananda taught: "Who is the most selfish person? It is the one who is most selfless! Why? Because by being selfless, you will always retain your happiness. A selfish person can never be happy. So to be happier, be more selfless! Look at the apple tree, it gives thousands of fruits. What's more, if you throw a stone at an apple tree it gives even more fruit. Throw a stone at a person and you know what you will get!"

Service is not about how much we serve, or about giving just for the sake of giving. We need to see with wise discrimination what is needed, what would help most, and how we can be of help. True generosity is giving without expectation; there is no desire that something will be received in return. Swami Chidananda used to bathe lepers. When we were last with him in Rishikesh, India, his open-hearted generosity was very inspiring. As we were leaving he said to us, Be happy and make others happy!

Although the main purpose of service is not to feel good ourselves, service is one of the quickest routes to wellbeing. Seeing the gratitude of those being helped brings us even greater joy. It takes us out of our own neediness and into the lives of those who have greater needs so we can see our self-centeredness in greater perspective. One Christmas, when we were living in Brighton, England, we spent the day serving dinner to the homeless. We have never enjoyed a Christmas more, nor laughed and sang more heartily. The thankfulness of those being fed humbled us beyond words.

As today is Thanksgiving let us try to take some time to ponder what we can do to make someone else's life a little easier, or how to ask for help we may need. As our friend Barbara Wilder, author of Money is Love, says, "No matter how little you have, there is always someone who has less. Give whatever you can to someone who could use a little help, and be open to receiving help from others." Post a comment with your suggestions.

I slept and dreamt that life was joy
I awoke and saw that life was service
I acted and behold, service was joy.
Rabindranath Tagore

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Ed and Deb Shapiro are the creators of Chillout daily text messages on Sprint cell phones, corporate consultants, and lead meditation retreats and workshops. Deb is the author of the award-winning book Your Body Speaks Your Mind. See their website: www.EdandDebShapiro.com.

Comments

[AnthonyTaylor]

Thanks so much Ed and Deb for these wise words. I'm certainly one of those people who could so easily retreat from the world to count my many blessings in my very own bathtub - ah, what bliss! But fortunately something keeps pulling me back, and you've just reminded me via the Dalai Lama how important that is. It only becomes meaningful when it's shared, when I see there's just one of us... Do please keep writing this column. I need the reminders! Big love, Tony

[yoginilizzi]

Yes! Giving gives us each what we want more than anything else- the experience of connection - both with others and with that which is greater than ourselves.

Continually reminding ourselves and each other what is really important is the most valuable offering we can make. Even more important than the thought is the action it inspires.

Thank you Ed and Deb for the beautiful reminder.

[lindseywolf]

Someone once told me that if you want something, give it away. This I believe makes sense, as in giving something away it's an acknowledgment that you already have it inside. I think of this at times when I am feeling lonely. I end up remembering to be there more often for my friends, and simply smile at strangers more often, giving love away as I can. And perhaps it's simply just taking a step out of my own daily dramas, but ultimately it always makes me feel less lonely and more loved in the end. Oh and eConscious Market is a great site! Helpful post! Thank you!

[Lizzypie]

Deb & Ed,
One of the nice things about your columns is that you have met so many incredible teachers that most of us won't get to meet, and you pass on some of their teachings & wisdom in a very personal way like little golden nuggets / jewells. I enjoy that. Keep 'em coming.
Thanks

[Priyaji]

Thanks for reminding us of the joy of service. Swami Satchidananda was an inspiring example of that joy. It's true: if you look around in the world, those who serve others in some way are always the happiest. Serving can be in just small acts of selflessness. Those acts inspire others and so it goes forward in ripples outward.

[yoyo22]

Well ED and Deb you have done it again. We should all give thanks for what we have when so many are without As they say in Hebrew give Sidokah.(give to charity) if yoou help others you help yourself.
Cant wait to read Debs book. I look forward to next Thursday

[Bwildone]

Lovely, Deb and Ed. There's another great quote. . "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Sadly forgotten over the past few decades. I remember so clearly when on a day in 1987 while watching a new film called WALL STREET, Michael Douglas said, "Greed is good." And I felt like I had just been kicked in the gut. I couldn't believe it. I thought I'd heard it wrong. But I was screening prints for quality control, so I had to view the film many times. And every time I watched it, the line was the same. Now, 21 years and much greed later, we are seeing where greed leads, and we are being called to make a change. Called by circumstance, by our new president, and by our higher selves to focus on our fellow human beings and reach out. And Share!!!! There is more than enough for everyone. But we have to release the little fear monster who whispers in our ear, "If I give to someone else, I will not have enough for myself and my family." In my book MONEY IS LOVE, I teach that when we release the fear that causes the greed , and share money from a place of love we open up the floodgates of prosperity for ourselves and the entire world.
With sweet love,
Barbara Wilder
www.barbarawilder.com

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

I always had a problem with the statement Greed is good in the movie Wall Street because it felt like a tacky thing to promote.

Your book MONEY IS LOVE sounds interesting. As we all need help in understanding money more deeply.

Ombama,

Ed

[AndiG]

What perfectly beautiful and inspiring information to read just as I'm getting ready to make a long trip back East to care for my loving 84 yr. old Mother who is suffering with a fractured back. It makes my heart happy to be able to be of service to her at this critical time. I go with an open heart of gratitude that I'm able to help another person in need! Thank you again for your wonderful blog...yes"giving is the new getting"...I just love that!!!

[dianaspencer]

I couldn't agree more! I was among those thrilled to hear President-Elect Obama talk about the need for selflessness and service when he gave the acceptance speech in Chicago. What he said echoed the teachings of my Guru, Sri Swami Satchidananda, whom you quoted here in your blog. Selflessness is truly the key to peace. It's what all religions and all spiritual traditions teach. If only those who committed the terrorist attacks in Mumbai would heed their own faith and get a clue that selfless service and dedication to humanity has nothing to do with terrorism! We lost friends from a nearby meditation community in these recent attacks and have family and friends in Mumbai terribly affected by this horrific violence--a violence that couldn't be further from the heart and soul of Islam or any wisdom tradition. Thank you for reminding everyone of what the spirit of giving is all about!

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

To have known Swami Satchidananda was very special. I had the good fortune of travelling with him across India many years ago. His wisdom lives with me.

It is heart wrenching what happened in India recently. Such ignorance is painful.Sorry to hear about your loss of friends. I don't understand what significance there is in killing. It just sets back the perpetrators. They gain nothing and lose so much.

I hope with Obama we can listen to people around the world who are suffering and learn the best way we can help and serve.

May all beings be happy and free from suffering, Ed

[ken108]

"I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve".

Albert Schweitzer (1875-1965)

[Thisok]

Dear Ed & Deb, Thank you for the wonderful message of giving and receiving on this Thanksgiving Day holiday. It seems like every year there is a different reason to give thanks. Last year i was in Lumbini where Lord Buddha was born, this year back in Malaysia taking care of our 10 year old Abigail while her mother was serving a novitiate program in Bodhgaya then the tension as the political situation closed the airports in Bangkok so she and her group were stranded in India a while longer and may make in home in a day, two or three. In the midst of this is the needless slaughter in Mumbai. There are always reasons to give thanks even though sometimes one may need to look a little deeper but it's there. These experiences are wonderful teachings of non-attachment and impermanence - what wonderful reasons to give thanks.
Blessings & Love
Thisok

[soundheals]

It's Thanksgiving today. What am I doing posting a comment? Perhaps it is because your words are so important and powerful. If only we could realize that being in the path of service is perhaps the greatest gift that WE can receive. Yes--there's no doubt that assisting others is of great benefit--perhaps the most important giving we can manifest. But the experience of being of service to others is so extraordinary for ourselves. If people realized what a gift it was to ourselves to help others--how good we felt when doing then, I'm sure there would a lot more giving instead of taking. This secret of of giving and assisting others may be among the most important we can realize. It is certainly one of the key ingredients to creating harmony on this planet. Thank you both so much for sharing it.

[GivingIsGetting]

Thanks for the beautiful words this morning Ed and Deb.

To paraphrase Shantideva:

"All the suffering in the world comes from seeking pleasure for oneself.
All the happiness in the world comes from seeking pleasure for others."

To take this into the heart..... great joy.

With Gratitude.

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

This is spot on! It would be great if this was taught early on in our school system. It make so much sense. As a child I was only concerned about myself. When I began to learn Yoga it began to sink in that giving was cooler than receiving. Thanks, Ed

[LAnancy]

Happy giving to everyone - Thanks Deb & Ed - It is good to be reminded of the danger of the desire to be alone. It is a selfish act unless you really understand the intentions behind it. Loved the Swamiji quote. Be well and lots of love
LAnancy

[avraamjack]

.
Very nice column..