What Makes You Get Frustrated and Irritable? Getting Real About Stress

Does your mother-in-law make you want to bite your nails? Does your work make you feel overwhelmed and unable to cope? What do you do when you just want to scream and stop the world? Stress is a derivation of the Latin word meaning ‘to be drawn tight.’ Which is exactly what happens when too many bills come at once, or your breathing gets faster and more shallow.

A caveman out on a hunt or a soldier on the front line needs the stress response in his body in order to have the energy to fight; the anticipation of the life-or-death experience puts his entire physiology into a state of red alert. So from a positive perspective, stress enables us to meet challenges, to push ourselves into new areas of experience or understanding, through heightening awareness and focusing concentration.

All of this would be fine if we had a bear to hunt or a war to wage. However, the stress most of us are dealing with is not from life-or-death situations, but is the distress that arises from an accumulation of pressure from much smaller issues. And although each separate incident may appear benign, if our response becomes increasingly stressful and we are no longer able to maintain our equilibrium then the body will put out the red alert. The stress response is activated when we are unable to adjust our behavior or deal creatively with demanding circumstances; we soon feel overwhelmed, like a steam cooker coming to full pressure. We are the only one who can turn down the heat, but unfortunately we usually feel powerless to do so.

When there is no animal to hunt or war to fight in which to release the energy accumulating inside us, where does it go? What happens to the urge to scream, to lash out, to find release from the tension?

In the US, stress-related problems cost the economy up to $300 billion per year, with $7,500 per person lost per year to stress, whether through absenteeism or decreased productivity. According to the American Psychological Association and The American Institute of Stress, over 19 million Americans are affected by stress, 77% suffer from suffer from physical symptoms and 73% from emotional and psychological symptoms, and by one account. That's a whole lot of stress, and it is on the rise.

Few of us like to think of ourselves as stressed, we prefer to think of stress as what happens to others, without realizing how susceptible we may be ourselves. The most comprehensive study of the causes of stress was done by Drs. Holmes and Rahe at the University of Washington. They based their findings on the level of adjustment required for different circumstances, as the inability to adequately adjust is most likely to stimulate the stress response.  Their Social Readjustment Scale placed the death of a spouse as the most difficult circumstance to adapt to, followed by divorce or separation. In more recent studies, money problems and work/unemployment issues are being rated more highly. To that list we must also add environmental stressors, such as pollution, traffic, noise, and increased population.

What must be remembered, however, is that as we all respond differently to circumstances, a divorce may be high on the list of stressors for one person but it may be a welcome relief to another! Our perception of the circumstances and of how well we can cope is the vital factor. For although we may have little or no control over the circumstances or stressors we are dealing with, we do have control over our understanding of the situation, and over our response. Remember: we cannot stop the wind but we can adjust our sails. Although changing our circumstances certainly can help, it may be only temporary. Invariably, no matter where we go or what we do, the change that is the most effective is within ourselves.

In a relaxed state we have access to far greater physical and psychological energy levels. That is why stress-management is fast becoming an integral part of most forward thinking businesses. The greatest lesson we are learning, both individually and collectively, is that we can work with our stress response and develop a higher level of adaptability, and that the results of such change have a far-reaching effect on every aspect of ourselves, each other and our world.

We would love to hear your comments on what causes you stress and how you deal with it? You can receive notice of our blogs every Tuesday by checking Become a Fan at the top.

You can pre-order a copy of our book at: BE THE CHANGE, How Meditation Can Transform You and the World. It will be published Nov 3rd. Join us for a booksigning: Nov 3rd in Boulder CO; Nov 11th in Portland OR; Nov 13th in Seattle WA; Nov 16th in NYC; and Nov 17th in Springfield MA. More details at: www.EdandDebShapiro.com

****

Ed and Deb Shapiro’s new book, BE THE CHANGE, How Meditation Can Transform You And The World, with forewords by the Dalai Lama and Robert Thurman, with contributors such as Marianne Williamson, astronaut Edgar Mitchell, Ellen Burstyn, Michael Beckwith, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Jane Fonda, Jack Kornfield, Byron Katie, will be published Nov 3rd 2009 by Sterling Ethos. Deb is the author of the award-winning book YOUR BODY SPEAKS YOUR MIND. Ed and Deb are the authors of over 15 books, and lead meditation retreats and workshops. Enjoy their 3 meditation CD’s: Metta - Loving kindness and Forgiveness; Samadhi – Breath Awareness and Insight; and Yoga Nidra – Inner Conscious Relaxation, available on their website: www.EdandDebShapiro.com

 

 

 

Follow Ed and Deb Shapiro on Twitter: www.twitter.com/edanddebshapiro

Comments

[khanti]

Hi Ed & Deb, I just posted some intersting story to share plse refer;

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/soren-gordhamer/why-seeking-to-be-perfect_b_313428.html?show_comment_id=32639661#comment_32639661

Much Metta

[RadicalRepublican]

Hi Ed and Deb,

I loved this line, "Remember: we cannot stop the wind but we can adjust our sails." It makes me remember not to worry about what I think should be or what might have happened but didn't and just work on what is really there. It's like the old adage, "It's not the lions and tigers that get you, it's the mosquitos."

Warmest regards,
little brother

[khanti]

Pt. 1Thank you for your advice Ed. I thank you for being patience with my long winded comments.
You need to do a spring cleaning . The trapped energy will be there and will be your inheritance. You cannot destroy energy nor can you fight it. Let it take effect and it will dissipate away. It is like gas trapped in a bottle open the cap and it will come out.
Why do you thing soldiers coming back from war have recurrent nightmares? Why do you think people cannot sleep and need to take pills? To see things as they are is not to perceive with an emotional mind. To know that things come to be due to many causes and conditions. To let go is to release those trapped emotions - come face to face with it.

[yoyo22]

Hi Ed and Deb so stressd out have nothing to say maybe next week will be better. Love YoYo

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

hi yoyo you are loved by so many of us ... know those that care Ruth and Ken and the family

Just breathe .. relax and breathe and like clouds in the sky this will pass

say

may I be easeful

May I be peaceful

Treasure yourself,

Brother Ed

[khanti]

I would like to share a method of handling stress that I practice. Hope it will be useful to you. .

Create some time and place for yourself perhaps in the evening after work when all is a bit quiet and settled.
Pt.1 Find a quiet place to relax and change into comfortable clothing. Sit up with the back naturally straight. If you can sit in a lotus position then much better otherwise you can sit on a chair with your back straight. We then create a temporary refuge in our mind by shelving all thoughts and worry. Next is to develop concentration by simple awareness of our breath. Just breathe naturally and concentrate on a point in the nostril where you can feel the breathe exit and enter. You may count the breath or simply recite a simple word like Bud… inhale and dho…exhale. Do not attempt to disrupt the natural rhythm of our breathing. Just breathe naturally but focus on your breath. Once you can feel the breath coming smooth and fine as a silk then you are ready to move to the actual de stressing step. If you fall asleep go back to focusing of the breath.

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Hi khanti thanks for you practice

What is most important is to become aware of what is happening in your life. To see things for what they are

many people say to let go

let go is a common mantra

We say

DON'T EVEN PICK IT UP!

Treasure yourself,

Ed

[khanti]

Pt.2
Even when you chant 'let go' you have to lock in to that emotion that you are trying to let go is it not? By doing that you are actually doing what I described in another way.
As the saying goes don't box it in. Stop thinking for a moment just try it out. If you do it right you will understand what I am passing on. When you beome aware of those trapped discomfort you are actually letting karma take effect in a controlled state. Of course you will feel uncomfortable but only for a while. The most important is after the spring cleaning try to not put rubbish in again. The Eight Noble Path also prevent fresh input of negative karma. That is why two people wo had quarelled and then decided to meet each other to discus about it will go off feeling happier.
Ananda asking the Buddha, " Agunlimala killed many people although he was misled to do so does he also experince the karma for those deeds?"
The Buddha replied, " He is experincing the fire of hell right now in that room at this moment."
Going near the door Ananda could feel the intense heat.

[khanti]

Pt.2 Once you are calm, relax and with awareness now you can open up the Pandora box within. Deal with the stress one at a time. There are many signs of stress in your body; headache is one; throbbing pressure; pain on the back of the neck; restlessness; feeling very bad, these are some signs of stress. Thoughts of revenge. Feeling bitter and hurt, jealousy etc. Most people handle stress by escapism. Like massaging, music etc. whatever to divert attention from the discomfort. The method I use is facing stress head on.
Bring your attention to the most uncomfortable part that you feel. If it is pain then bring the attention to the pain. If you can feel throbbing pressure then move towards it. Move towards the discomfort area slowly if you feel the pain or pressure become unbearable step back a bit but continue to be aware of it. Just be aware of it and nothing else. Stay with the discomfort let it take center stage. After awhile the discomfort will dissipate. Move closer and just stay with it. After a while the discomfort will disappear. It may take a few minutes to an hour or it may take a few sessions of practice.

[khanti]

Pt.3 It would be helpful to have an understanding of how we get stressed out in the first place. Preventive measures and right view are more important because once we are out of the meditative state we tend to fall back into our habits again regenerating all those negative consciousness. It is important to look inward and not blame others or yourself otherwise we will go round in circles without finding a way out of our problems.
Lack of sleep also causes stress. If, after you have had a good night sleep and rest the stress disappears the next morning then that is all you need. No need to take pills. If for some reason you cannot handle certain stress then perhaps you can try the method described below:-

[JustBNice]

I don't have a solution to stress, I don't have time anymore.

I'm self employed working at home, helping to supporting a family by selling on eBay and work seven days a week every minute of the day when possible. My wife works as a teacher at a private school with mediocre health insurance. She works many night a week getting ready for the school musical.

As soon as I'm though eating I get back on the computer, make listings, wrap up packages, deal with customers. Quickly say good night to my two young boys and go back to work till I go to bed, and get 5-6 hours of sleep and start another day.

My biggest change of pace is when I have to go out buying inventory (antique items). Driving round trip 500 miles in a day sometimes to buy a collection. Get up at 4:00 to beat the traffic.

Or reading Huff Post.

Other than that I email Senators and Congressman and tell them to support a Public Option. We really need a Single Payer Plan in this country. Insurance , co-pays, out of pocket expenses are making it very hard to make ends meet. They all have single payer plans but don't really seem to care about the voters. They care more about the corporate powers that fund their elections.

Ok, my break is over, gotta get back to
work.

I used to have insomnia, but not anymore, don't have time for it.

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

JustBNice

I love this and thanks for yor comment

may you always enjoy the journey,

and someday take a long vocation

Happy days,

ed

[Sezin]

Another lovely and relevant post, thank you Ed & Deb!

Normal stress is compounded for me by also dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder and I have to be very aware of which kind of stress may be affecting me at any given point. I find that drinking too much alcohol or eating things I'm sensitive to blurs the line and I find myself crazy stressed, unable to sort out whether I'm stressed about something current or if it's the PTSD.

October in particular is a rough month stress-wise, it being the marker of the traumatic event that changed my life: Witnessing the murder of one of my most beloved friends nine years ago. Time has made dealing with that event somewhat easier, but every year come this month I start to exhibit all kinds of symptoms like panic attacks, flashbacks, night terrors and general unease.

After some horrible stomach issues this past weekend, something I took as a sign to detox and simplify what I'm consuming, I already feel much clearer and able to deal with the unnatural stress that this month brings. It's amazing how vividly our bodies remember, and I'm taking this time to get mine into synch with more peaceful trains of thoughts. Reading blogs like yours helps me endlessly.

With thanks,
Sezin

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Sezin

this is absolutely grat

thanks for yor comment

in Joy,

Ed

[MerrieWay]

Continuous stress can bring on brain fog: I cover my head with a blanket and wait for the sunrise, and the birds chirping. There's a natural rhythm in nature; my puppies licking my nose, that reduces the racing heart and mind.
Meditation is great, the stillness and knowing that comes. Taking it into life's day is a rhythm, a natural way to be. Breathing deep, exhaling long helps in a trigger moment.
A good cry, a hearty laugh, dancing or jogging can bust out the stress...and make room for a giggle. In grid-lock, I listen to kirtans, happy music-makers. I boycotted bad news and choose to hang out with positive folks. I eat healthily, and that includes dark yummy chocolate.

If I sound like Pollyanna, so be it. I have been flat out, beyond stress at the loss of my only son, and I am committed that nothing will stop me (including a pitty party) from living fully in his memory and honoring my own purpose.
It's a shift in perception, an energy shift to what counts most. We can decide not to sweat over transient stuff and grab a good piece of life, in gratitude, one moment at a time...stress free.

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

MerrieWay Thank you for your comment .. thanks fore sharing your story .. my hart goes out to you! I lost my mother when I was 5 days old... it has torn my hart opened from the beginning .. but a mother losing a child must be beyond painful .. but I too live my life honoring her.

I am your FAN

This is great do read MerrieWay

Joy,
Ed

[MerrieWay]

My heart is winking back at you Ed....We both share a wonderful purpose, honoring of life's journey. Bless you both. Keep the Lovesong coming...
Your fan forever,
Merrie Lynn Ross on her MerrieWay

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

be happy and make others happy!

a Holy man in India said that to us!

why not join us Merrie!

[khanti]

Hi Ed&Deb , I just posted some intersting comments on the below blog;
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/06/how-to-talk-to-someone-wh_n_310990.html?show_comment_id=32343621#comment_32343621

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

khanti thank you

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/06/how-to-talk-to-someone-wh_n_310990.html?show_comment_id=32343621#comment_32343621

Ed

[ChelseaC]

Deb and Ed,
Hello.
I'm stressed.
I think I'll buy your book.

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

ChelseaC great idea! thanks enjoy and have fun

most important we all should be sure not to take ourselves too seriously

In joy,

ed

[PhilipB]

Hi Ed and Deb!
What I have found is that every day is a meditation
Each day I have something fun I want to accomplish, something that expands me. I like listening to and engaging people I meet during the day. Thinking positive thoughts and being happy is a tonic for the world.
I danced as a teenager and in college, I wonder now why I was so conventional in my 20's. I worked for years in a bad situation, and never travelled. I think one of the best thing I ever did was quit that job and took another, and I took the time to travel hiking in the high country of the Sierras, and in Europe and Asia. Those experiences informed me as a person.
In my 40's I thought the good times would go on forever, and I had a huge credit card debt. I hope to tell young people of the dangers of credit card debt. Eliminating that huge debt in a few years was painful and yes, stressful. I meditated often during that time. Meditation helps in accomplishing a big goal.
I have enjoyed helping in my local food bank. Volunteer work has made me feel great, joyous even. The small contribution I make is nothing to the sense of well being being a part of my community has given me.
So, that is a life and life itself.
Joy in small things, and the enormous rewards that brings. How fun!
Warm regards,
Philip

[organicthemepark]

"Joy in small things" - indeed ! Thank you Philip for this affirmation.

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

PhilipB couldn't agree with you more we have a lot in common I danced and still do ..now on the ski slopes

This is great:

"What I have found is that every day is a meditation
Each day I have something fun I want to accomplish, something that expands me. I like listening to and engaging people I meet during the day. Thinking positive thoughts and being happy is a tonic for the world."

Ed

[Lokita and Steve Carter - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you for your post which I appreciate a lot.

A while back I read that, "stress is defined as not accepting what is". Perhaps it was Eckhart Tolle who wrote it? Since then, whenever I notice that I get stressed, I examine whether I am accepting whatever is going on right now - too much work, too many e-mails, too little money, challenges of all kinds, the load of responsibilities on my shoulders, and on and on.

Much of the time, I catch myshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/ed-and-deb-shapiro/what-makes-you-get-frustr_b_310116.html#elf struggling rather than accepting. If at that point I move beyond the struggle to acceptance, the stress usually dissolves. Ah, the mind and the witness!

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Lokita and Steve - nice to see your smiling radiant faces

you got it guys!

Enjoy the journey,

Ed

[organicthemepark]

HuffPost's Pick

Being on unemployment and barely making my bills has been extremely stressful. To cope, I get out and walk to all my shopping, post-office and on weekends, hike a loop in the hills. Also, I eat as many superfoods as possible as I know my body is burning through antioxidants. I know it's more important than ever, I fortify my body with matcha green tea, apples, blueberries, pomegranates, etc., to keep my immune system strong. I breathe and count my blessings that I am healthy. I recommend that those under stress, create rituals like drinking green tea; turning off the media to allow your intuition and spiritual path to awaken and calm your soul. All of this works to provide a positive and healthy outlook.

[PhilipB]

As someone who is also laid off, I appreciate your comment.
I like how you approach things. I have done many of the things you describe, but you express this beautifully.
I think you value yourself. You recognize what is stressful, and take steps to overcome that.
I was inspired by what you have written.
Best to you!

[organicthemepark]

Back at you Phillip. Once I learned to "surrender to my situation," it was amazing how much stress left me (I could actually feel the tension leaving my body). I have resolved to not let life pass me by during this difficult time by focusing on the moment. Keep your spiritual flame strong as it will "power" you like it has me (through the highs and lows). This is our journey Phillip, that was my resolve. The struggles will only allow us to have a greater appreciation when things improve. Thanks for responding and keep your temple strong - load up daily on antioxidants as I'm doing (you can see some of my past blog posts at http://organicthemepark.blogspot.com and www.twitter.com/orgfoodie). Peace.

[vorpalmusic]

Yes, "The Green Tea Ritual" is part of the glue that holds my life together. But I don't recommend green tea when you are currently experiencing great stress. If you are sensitive to caffeine as I am, only drink green tea early in the morning. I drink japanese Kukicha at night, which is made of the sticks and twigs of the tea plant, tastes just like mild black tea but contains no caffeine or extremely negligible amounts of caffeine.

I am going through immigration to Canada at the moment, and I am not allowed to leave the country or to work until it is finished. It has been several years now, and obviously I am living like a pauper, one step above homelessness. I take surprisingly great comfort in the enjoyment of my meals and my tea, and my little exercise routines...my book reading. I can't do anything else right now. But dwelling on those restrictions certainly doesn't make me feel any better.

Fruits and particularly berries are some of the most under-appreciated pleasures...I have recently discovered raw cranberries. Certainly not for everyone, but I really like them.

[organicthemepark]

Herbals are a great solution if you are caffeine sensitive (Rooibos; Egyptian Camomille; Peppermint; citrus slices) . . .just sipping them in your favorite cup is a simple relaxing pleasure. I also love raw cranberries too as one of my nutrition rituals! I buy a frozen bag and scoop a spoonful out a day and place them in my water glass (which gives a flavorful tart boost to my Spring water and a beautiful color - love seeing the whole raw cranberries floating on top). Way to go! Cranberries are one of nature's superfoods. Thanks for sharing!