The world right now is in a complete spin. We are facing mounting problems and chaos in our own country as no one feels that they have enough: the rich want more power while everyone else just wants to survive. At the same time we have no idea what will happen next in the Middle East. All this upheaval is based on massive lies, deception, fear and greed.
When we are children we learn that to be good means never to tell a lie. We all struggle with this, are rarely able to stick to it, and invariably lie defending the fact that we lied: "I didn't do it, honest!"
If you are following any kind of religious or spiritual path, then telling the truth is usually up there with other ethical obligations. But is speaking the truth always the best thing to do, specifically when it may cause yourself and others suffering or psychological damage? Are we not also exhorted to be compassionate and wise?
As an example, there is a an old story of a monk who was meditating happily in the sun outside his cave when a beautiful but very distressed damsel came running up to him. "Help me," she cried. "There's a very bad man, a robber, who is trying to kill me. Please, let me hide in your cave." Without waiting for a reply, the girl ran into his cave and hid in the dark interior. The monk had not said a word and, although slightly perturbed, he continued to meditate. A few minutes later a wild-looking man with a patch on one eye came galloping up on a black horse. When he saw the monk, he stopped and yelled at him, "Have you seen a young woman? I must find her." Being a celibate, the monk quite calmly said to the robber, "What would I be doing with a woman?" To which the man galloped on.
The monk did not lie, nor did he honestly answer the question. However, by avoiding the truth he saved three lives: the girl's; his own, as the robber would have had to kill him for being a witness; and the robber's, who would have been killed as punishment.
Everything we think, say and do has an immediate effect on everyone around us. This means that our words and actions can lead to chaos and destruction as easily as they can lead to healing and friendship. So it would seem that sometimes avoiding the truth or maybe watering it down can be the more moral and compassionate act. A white lie can save a situation from getting badly out of hand.
With this awareness, we are able to discern between times when actions and words are either skillful or unskillful, where we are being a help or a hindrance. Skillful action brings out the best in each situation, such as harmlessness and generosity, while unskillful actions maintain and reinforce separation; they are basically harmful and self-centered. Their primary concern is protecting the "me."
The opportunities for skillful behavior are present in every moment, from dealing with someone complaining to making sure your kids get an equal amount of attention, from running a business meeting to having to negotiate a peace treaty, or from deciding when to be totally honest or fudge the truth.
In essence, truth is cool while lies are hot, and heat is anger and negativity. When we spread lies we spread heat that easily creates fire. Fire can burn down and destroy everything in its path.
But while there are bad lies that are destructive and self-centered, there are also good lies that serve to not cause harm. Discrimination is the key and meditation is the most immediate and effective way to develop this, as we see things as they truly are. When we are thoughtful and respectful then wisdom and compassion come naturally.
Have you ever told a lie that helped make a situation better? Do comment below.
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Russell Bishop: Is There Any Integrity Or Honesty Out There?
"Now it was really getting late. I began to be ashamed of myself, holding everything up so long. . . . So I decided that maybe to save further trouble, I’d better lie, too, and say that Jesus had come, and get up and be saved.
So I got up . . .
That night, for the last time in my life but one—for I was a big boy twelve years old—I cried. . . . My aunt heard me. She woke and told my uncle I was crying because the Holy Ghost had come into my life, and because I had seen Jesus. But I was really crying because I couldn’t bear to tell her that I had lied, that I had deceived everybody in the church, that I hadn’t seen Jesus, and that now I didn’t believe there was a Jesus any more, since he didn’t come to help me."
Life is hard. Is America really the land of the free and the home of the brave? Is there justice for all? For most, well, we work at it by creating a cultural myth and trying to make it true.
the monk might easily have said he had no obligation to answer the question, or said nothing at all
"In essence, truth is cool while lies are hot, and heat is anger and negativity."
while syntactically correct, I question whether there is any meaning to that statement,
what kind of argument is that?
re situational awareness and discrimination about telling lies: there cannot be consensus on many of these judgement calls, one may think one has sized up the moment and acted appropriately only to find out that the other parties involved see it very differently.
for example, the person being cheated on is always the last to know about it
" 'Because to tell such a lie, or any lie, is a sin, and could cost us the loss of our own souls--WOULD, indeed, if we died without time to repent.'
'Strange . . . strange . . . it is past belief.' Then he asked, roughly, 'Is such a soul as that WORTH saving?' He rose up, mumbling and grumbling, and started for the door, stumping vigorously along. At the threshold he turned and rasped out an admonition: 'Reform! Drop this mean and sordid and selfish
devotion to the saving of your shabby little souls, and hunt up something to do that's got some dignity to it! RISK your souls! risk them in good causes; then if you lose them, why should you care? Reform!'
And the aunts do so: they lie, to their niece and her daughter, each of whom is dying of typhoid, telling each that the other is well until both die, happy in the wrong belief that the other is well. At the end, an angel appears and gives the aunts a chance to repent, but both refuse.
And Twain ends the story with the question asked by the title: Was it heaven or hell?
This is simply life's path. We strive to offer the best of ourselves and live in integrity but we never wish to harm others. Those little white lies can be gifts, doorways for a person that we love to find the best in themselves.
Would I prefer to be blunt, unerring and direct? Sometime, yes. I often have these conversations in my head with people I once loved, where we have experienced completions that were sad or inevitable.
Small lies on both sides. What is the harm? I am haunted at times because I love being clear. It feels just right. These are my flaws, not to speak soon enough. And these are my gifts, not to cause more damage,
But the fact I can tell you, without reservation or glints of guilt is that I love. The child, the friend who hurt me, the man who had a back door, the family whi could not be present when I needed guidance. In the end, I grew stronger and somehow loved with more finesse.How good, how good..
I once lied to the world and told them that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction inorder to go to war and the bomb the piss out of innocent people.......no wait..........that wasn't me sorry please disregard.
Okay, here's one, I once lied to Federal investigators that I never told "Scooter" Libby to leak that Valerie Plame was a covert CIA agent........no no wait thats' not my lie either.....please disregard.
I don't want to tangle any webs - or be locked in a convent.
.....hmm.....well I guess years ago I came to realize a story my mother had told may be the truth about one of my sisters. She had said to me in a drunken sadness that she believed one of my sisters did not share the same father as myself. Over the years my sister grew to resemble this other man. One day my sister wondered it herself because she looked so different from the rest of the family and often asked me what I thought.
My father is a loving gentle man who dearly loved his children and my mother. He's still alive. My mother has passed. I lie to this day and reassure my sister she is blood kin through and through and forever.
If my father had found this out it would hurt him sincerely. He's had two heartattacks and I see no reason to add to a third. So I lie.
And if your sister asks- how COULD you possibly know the truth... perhaps, even your Mother lied...
This raises unwelcome possibilities about your own parentage....
It seems the less said by everyone, the better....
End of story. No evasions, no legal quibbling; just the question: what would you do?
There's a similar story of a monk and his apprentice walking down a road after a heavy rain. They see a geisha, in full kimono, asking for help crossing the road, not wanting to mess up her clothes. The monk picks her up and carries her across; then they all continue their travels. That night at a temple, the apprentice could his hold his tongue no longer. "Our order forbids us to have any dealings with women!" The monk replied: "I left her by the side of the road; have you been carrying her all this time?"
The trick to living in the moment is to recognize what's in the moment with you and know what to do--which can include doing nothing.
one hundred %. And a subtle "trick" it is too. Appreciate my left hand clapping. My right hand salutes you.
There is nothing "right" or "wrong" about lying. Right and wrong are relative, not absolute, and culturally biased, dependent on the needs of a particular society. Lying is a tool. To apportion blame to a lie is like saying a sword is right or wrong. It really is a question of how one uses it. Trouble is, lying is a double edged sword. A lie can cut both ways. Not only does it conceal the truth from another, but it blocks one's essential access to that other. And it is the blocking of that access that lies at the bottom of my considerations about lying, not whether lying is good or bad, right or wrong. We are all energy nodes, and we pass energy back and forth from one to another, eye to eye, heart to heart, or at least, we have that capability. A lie is like a rusty spot on the contact point of a battery. Build up enough rust, enough lies, and that access is impaired, sometimes forever. Lying for me is not really about the negative or bad or good we do to others, but about what we do to ourselves. Free up those channels, be open to it all, and see what happens. Lie, whether with good intent or no, at what cost to yourself? What will be will be. What will your will be?
Truth is for God and small children.
But to intentionally distort, misrepresent, inaccurately describe or embody the exact events of your observation and or knowledge there of, is a "lie".
I know it may sound a tad absolutist, but i am trying to get at the essence here. Lies, and their ilk, the list of euphemisms is long, but the intention, i believe, is the same, are tools to deceive, one way or another, to one degree or another, are they not? Am i missing something here? In this day and age when commercials promulgate the wholesale lie in various guises, leaders hedge, dissemble and prevaricate as a matter of seeming pride, "lawyers clean up all details since daddy had to lie" and white lies are the 'lubrication' that keeps the whole mess going, getting to the nub of the matter seems reasonable. If lies are not fundamentally to conceal the truth, regardless of intent, then what are they?
And while i hear your concern for the practical side of things, and preaching is one thing and practice another, i stand by my statement. As i get older, it becomes more apparent to me just how extensive the damage is wrought by the convention of lying. What is more worth seeking than the purity of soul that a small child represent, and why is it accepted that that is impossible to maintain? That, in itself, is a sad thing, and i hope i haven't mistaken you, for i do not mean to judge. We all have our limits, and we do, those of us who will, what we can. Choice is not for everybody.
We've all seen examples where another person has an easy time arriving at a correct answer. This is always the explanation. One way to contradict dostortions is to adhere to a decision to avoid all lying.
I'd like to see more blog posts like this one and more thoughtful responses.