What of "What You Are" Is No Longer You?

 On his website at www.eatingthemoment.com, HP blogger Dr. Pavel Somov says:

Mind is its own hostage. Each belief, each schema, each defense is both an adaptation and a handicap. The very anchors that have helped you feel grounded may now hold you down with all the weight of their historical usefulness… Yes, mind is its own hostage... But mind is also its own search-and-rescue.  Take a look at what of what you are is no longer you…

It may be that this hit me at a particularly opportune time, or maybe I’m so much of a Zen geek that it struck me, but I find myself haunted by this concept.

He prefaces the statement with a quote from a song by Russian musician, Boris Grebenshnikov, who is described in Wikipedia as one of the founders of Russian rock music:

"There’s only one way out of prison, which is to set your jailer free."

(The Time, Radio Silence, 1989 CBS Records)

which only complicates the matter further. If I’m my hostage to “each belief, each schema, each defense,” then how do I “set my jailer free?”

For example, if I have an old, long-established behavior pattern, the more or less standard way to approach that is “well, that’s just Ed,” and most people in my life kind of accept it with a shrug and a tolerant smile. Yet in another area of my life, where different things are expected of me, the response when that pattern arises is “Ed’s not himself today” from people who know me well and “Ed’s behaving in an unacceptable way” from those who don’t. So which “Ed” is me? In Somov’s terms, which is the what I am that is no longer me? I guess it’s for me to say.

But hold on, it’s not that simple, because this “adaptation and handicap,” this “anchor that helped me feel grounded” is what I’ve historically considered not just “useful,” but “me!” It’s one thing to declare that that’s no longer me, and another to experience it as suddenly alien when it comes up.

The point is that, while I think Somov is right, and have even coached people along just those lines, when I am in the grip of an old pattern I don’t experience it as alien to me but rather as exactly how I need to be at that moment. So how do I “set my jailer free” if I don’t experience being in jail?

I’m betting that the answer is outside of me. As a coach, I must surrender to being coached; I must find someone I trust completely and bet that when I forget who I am committed to being and think that I’m who I have always been, he or she will know and remind me and return me to how I want to be. In other words the way to set your jailer free is to find someone to aid and abet in the jailbreak.

In my seventh decade of life, I’ve been actively engaged in my own personal and spiritual development for at least half my life, and I know it’s never done, so I’m under no delusion that this will be the end of the story. If (and it really is “if” for me) I beat this particular demon, there will be another, but at least it’ll be different.

I’ll keep you posted.

Follow Ed Gurowitz, Ph.D. on Twitter: www.twitter.com/egurowitz

Comments

[WASanford]

Dr. Somov’s statement is very enchanting. But when I dropped it into my MS Word editor a green line appeared under the “is”. Word’s editor suggested changing”is” to “are” which makes even less sense. Even Word’s grammarian didn’t catch on. Both of the verbs are in the present tense which disturbs the statement’s expected logic. We normally expect a somewhat different statement such as “Take a look at what of what you were that is no longer you.” But somehow the corrected grammar takes the magic from the statement. Do we know whether Dr. Somov was a bad grammarian, or was he artistically trying to cause a dissonance in the logic of his statement? I suggest he was doing the latter.

Whether or not he/she is aware of it, every human being comes with a complete set of beliefs that are instilled in him/her from birth. First the family educates the child through toddlerhood, and then society takes over further socializing and educating the child through early adulthood. If the family is involved in a religious tradition, religion becomes an integral part of the belief set. This belief set is slow to change and is vigorously defended even to the extreme we witnessed on 11 Sept. 2001. The protagonists on that day were, after all, promised paradise.

Does our set of beliefs enslave us? I would say it does, but I would also say that it may not be possible to be human without it.

[WASanford]

How does one keep him/her self in jail when he/she is the jailer? All you have to do to escape is to want to escape. As far as being grounded is concerned, isn't it better to be grounded in yourself rather than culture, habits or other like things that are so easily changed? I don't think I want an anchor, they're so damned heavy and such a chore to carry around.

Let's try to not think circularly, I get dizzy too easily.

In short, the way to be free is just be yourself.

[Ed Gurowitz, Ph.D. - Huffpost Blogger]

Dear WA,

Thanks for the comment, and I agree that is the key; the question is the one in the title of the post, and that's what makes it not so easy.

The Hindus say that God created people as a form of play, and then forgot he created them, so the game became serious. Sorry for the circularity, but there it is.

[Dr. Judith Rich - Huffpost Blogger]

Hi Ed,

Interesting post. Great questions!

It's like, how can I know what I don't know I don't know.? How can I see in the areas where I'm blind and don't even know that I'm blind? A trusted "other" is an essential key to be another pair of eyes that can perceive in me what I cannot. The value of a good coach!

Thanks for this provocative article!

Best,
Judith

[Ed Gurowitz, Ph.D. - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks, Judith. I agree that a coach is essential.

Ed

[DiogenesOfAlaska]

Did you try this? - Just a thought:


They say ev'rything can be replaced,
Yet ev'ry distance is not near.
So I remember ev'ry face
Of ev'ry man who put me here.
I see my light come shining
From the west unto the east.
Any day now, any day now,
I shall be released.

They say ev'ry man needs protection,
They say ev'ry man must fall.
Yet I swear I see my reflection
Some place so high above this wall.
I see my light come shining
From the west unto the east.
Any day now, any day now,
I shall be released.

Standing next to me in this lonely crowd,
Is a man who swears he's not to blame.
All day long I hear him shout so loud,
Crying out that he was framed.
I see my light come shining
From the west unto the east.
Any day now, any day now,
I shall be released.

[Ed Gurowitz, Ph.D. - Huffpost Blogger]

Diog,

Thanks - ya gotta love Dylan.

Ed