Chill Out: Are You Happier Today?

My wife Deb and I were in Thailand, living in the middle of a coconut grove on a ten-day silent meditation retreat. Each day a Thai monk would come to teach and each day he asked us the same question: "Are you happier today than you were yesterday?" As he said this a wide smile would fill his crinkled face for he knew that we were facing numerous obstacles to our being happier, and not just the ones in our own minds.

As beautiful as the coconut grove was, we were living with, scorpions, centipedes and snakes, sleeping on wooden pallets, and we did not eat after midday. How were we to find happiness amidst such obstructions?

Yet despite his humorous tone his question was a genuine one. We had been practicing meditation all that day and all the previous day and there were eight more days to go. If we were not beginning to feel happier as a result, then what was the purpose of being there?

The meditation was held outside, in an open structure, surrounded by jungle. Our monk would say, 'Look at how the rain falls to the ground and makes muddy water. The muddy water goes up the palm tree and becomes sweet coconut milk. What is it that can make muddy water into sweet coconut milk?' His teachings made us question who we are and what we are. To ask what is the source of happiness or what is the purpose of my life? Is it simply to be happy and make others happy, as Swami Chidananda had said to me when I was in Rishikesh, India?

Every day for ten days he asked us the same question. It highlighted the extent to which we were preoccupied with our concerns, doubts and conflicts, how difficulties can actually feel more real and meaningful than joy, how hard it was to trust happiness, even that we had forgotten what happiness meant. It showed us how negative mindsets can dominate our way of thinking and how self-obsession can go unnoticed.

It is easy to dismiss the importance of happiness and, instead, to focus on what is wrong. For instance, when I was having a meltdown in England one of the thoughts that would often arise was why try to be happy when I'll only wind up being miserable again.

The only real answer is there is no other choice. Life is definitely a challenge but when we meet that challenge we become stronger, wiser and, eventually, we do get happier. There is basic goodness inside all of us, and it is a very powerful energy force. It drove me to pick myself up, and to see my obstacles as gifts.

In the late 60s I travelled from New York City to India to train as a yogi. I was with Swami Satchidananda, the guru who opened Woodstock, and I saw how he embodied and radiated inner peace. I knew I wanted to be like that. I thought, isn't happiness our birthright? Coming from the Bronx, all I had seen was so much unhappiness and struggling, everyone competing with each other and constantly wanting more. But surely we are not here in order to suffer? All I wanted to find was the source of happiness.

Our monk was not just asking us if we were happier, he was teaching us that the very purpose of our being is to find the inner peace that is our deepest happiness. He was saying that there is enough pain and suffering in the world already--the very nature of life includes change and unfulfilled desire and the longing for things to be different from how they are, all of which brings discontent and dissatisfaction.

When you realize your peace there is one less person suffering. Your peace is the greatest gift you can give to yourself and to this world.

He was teaching us that through meditation, through resting in our authentic self, we can connect with who we truly are and find a deeper contentment. This is an acceptance of life as it is, just seeing desire as desire and not having to cling to it, moving fearlessly with change, and this can bring a lasting and pervading inner peace.

Comments

[Geoffrey08]

Ahhhh, more great food for thought and introspection courtesy of the Buddha from the Bronx! Yes such important words to remember - "are you happier than yesterday".... it is so easy to get lost in the minutae of human existence...when those of us that are so so lucky should be rejoicing our good fortune and sharing it with others, we so often lose our way and fall prey to doubts and depression. In my own case I have just experienced two businesses collapse after years of blood sweat and tears, at first I wanted to weep, but deep down there was a little voice saying "celebrate" I decided to listen and already my life is looking better than ever with so many opportunities presenting themselves, I pushed myself gently to celebrate and enjoy rather than be depressed and I can say that each day I am a little happier! Its not what I have in my life that makes me happier it is knowing that people like Ed and Deb exist and help me to keep real and enjoy the real pleasures of life - my health, my family and friends and the wonders of being alive! Thank you friend and fellow traveller Ed for your sparkling words!

[jjdillon]

Every year I host a Costa Rican retreat just for that reason. To become aware of your "authentic self" and to learn to be happy with the way things are right now, at this very minute.
We call it "The Life Empowerment Retreat" and it truly is.
Relax, rejuvenate and refocus yourself. Please come visit me at http://www.healthylivingandbalance.com/life_empowerment.html for more information.

[MPDuke]

This is great

[Thisok]

A few years ago i had the wonderful opportunity to meet both Ed & Deb while on a personal retreat in Bodhgaya. I remember as if yesterday Ed's unabashed curiosity and humour when he ran up to me asking about where i bought the shawl i was wearing. During that stay we all toured some local villages and schools where Ed, naturally, held jester's court with the children - the love flowed forth from both Ed & Deb. We have been incommunication all during this time and it was their books and teachings which inspired me to write and get published my 1st book this year - "The Tao of Realization: The Real Secret."

Without a doubt, love is the key to happiness.

With love & gratitude from Kuala Lumpur

[ken108]

Mr. Shapiro knows how to get ghee from butter, of extracting wisdom from negativity. Like a peacock that eats poison to produce its magnificent feathers, so Mr. Shapiro is willing and able to find light in the dark. Keep it up.

[Priyaji]

Thanks, Mr. Shapiro, for your writings.

In my own life, I've found happiness through serving others and through striving to be a kind and loving person, through all conditions. But peace of mind is greater than happiness, because it radiates a calm and balance that inspires others.
We can't control life, we can only control ourselves. By practicing peacefullness, we may quietly bring positive change to the world. All the truly great souls have known this.
What seems like naive non-action is, in reality, like the water that one day melts the stone.

[namste]

Love it Love it keep it coming.

[mercurythe]

I appreciate your words.

"Chill Out."

Am I happier today?

Good question.

What I know for sure: When I do good, I feel good and when I do bad, I feel bad.

[mmsexdeath]

your teacher's advice -- asking yourself if you're happier today than yesterday -- reminds me of the colette's (the french novelist) saying that "being happy is a way of being wise." otherwise, what are we doing here? we're loving your blogs in new york city eddie swami! keep it up!

[soundheals]

The quest for happiness seems to be one of the major focuses of our being human. Again, this blog by Ed Shapiro focuses on one of the essential aspects of life.

[livinlife]

Going thru a transitional period in my life as well. Woke up this morning with a feeling of dread and wondered why, when looked at more objectively, all is really very beautiful in my life. This article will me wake up and help me realize it is in the mind and soul. Get out there, help people and you help yourself as well. Thanks for the article, look forward to the next one.

[arunachala]

good stuff Ed, take care.

[LordMoon]

You are the only obstacle to your happiness.

When happiness comes you won't be there.

So how will you know whether or not you are really happy?

[krcok]

Great ! Inspirational! Thank you, Mr. Shapiro for sharing your experiences with us.

[SL108]

Having been a close disciple of Swami Satchidananda since 1974, and having been blessed to be in Swami Chidananda's presence on several occasions, listening to their words of wisdom on how to be happy, I can attest to the fact that making others happy is how we ourselves will experience happiness. I often thought about the motto at the bottom of his stationery: "The joy of having served is its own reward". In my early years I just thought it was a nice motto, but only after many years of experiencing that selfless service brought me the greatest joy did I truly understand the depth of that motto. So now, if I can do one thing to make someone else's life better, or happier, or just bring a smile to someone's face, I feel that day has been well lived. If we live our lives consciously, we will see there are many opportunities to be of service throughout the day -- to people, animals, plants and nature. If we avail ourselves of these opportunities we will experience that joy in our own daily lives...our peace and joy is already within us. Thank you for a beautiful and insightful article. I hope to read many more like this.