My wife Deb and I were in Thailand, living in the middle of a coconut grove on a ten-day silent meditation retreat. Each day a Thai monk would come to teach and each day he asked us the same question: "Are you happier today than you were yesterday?" As he said this a wide smile would fill his crinkled face for he knew that we were facing numerous obstacles to our being happier, and not just the ones in our own minds.
As beautiful as the coconut grove was, we were living with, scorpions, centipedes and snakes, sleeping on wooden pallets, and we did not eat after midday. How were we to find happiness amidst such obstructions?
Yet despite his humorous tone his question was a genuine one. We had been practicing meditation all that day and all the previous day and there were eight more days to go. If we were not beginning to feel happier as a result, then what was the purpose of being there?
The meditation was held outside, in an open structure, surrounded by jungle. Our monk would say, 'Look at how the rain falls to the ground and makes muddy water. The muddy water goes up the palm tree and becomes sweet coconut milk. What is it that can make muddy water into sweet coconut milk?' His teachings made us question who we are and what we are. To ask what is the source of happiness or what is the purpose of my life? Is it simply to be happy and make others happy, as Swami Chidananda had said to me when I was in Rishikesh, India?
Every day for ten days he asked us the same question. It highlighted the extent to which we were preoccupied with our concerns, doubts and conflicts, how difficulties can actually feel more real and meaningful than joy, how hard it was to trust happiness, even that we had forgotten what happiness meant. It showed us how negative mindsets can dominate our way of thinking and how self-obsession can go unnoticed.
It is easy to dismiss the importance of happiness and, instead, to focus on what is wrong. For instance, when I was having a meltdown in England one of the thoughts that would often arise was why try to be happy when I'll only wind up being miserable again.
The only real answer is there is no other choice. Life is definitely a challenge but when we meet that challenge we become stronger, wiser and, eventually, we do get happier. There is basic goodness inside all of us, and it is a very powerful energy force. It drove me to pick myself up, and to see my obstacles as gifts.
In the late 60s I travelled from New York City to India to train as a yogi. I was with Swami Satchidananda, the guru who opened Woodstock, and I saw how he embodied and radiated inner peace. I knew I wanted to be like that. I thought, isn't happiness our birthright? Coming from the Bronx, all I had seen was so much unhappiness and struggling, everyone competing with each other and constantly wanting more. But surely we are not here in order to suffer? All I wanted to find was the source of happiness.
Our monk was not just asking us if we were happier, he was teaching us that the very purpose of our being is to find the inner peace that is our deepest happiness. He was saying that there is enough pain and suffering in the world already--the very nature of life includes change and unfulfilled desire and the longing for things to be different from how they are, all of which brings discontent and dissatisfaction.
When you realize your peace there is one less person suffering. Your peace is the greatest gift you can give to yourself and to this world.
He was teaching us that through meditation, through resting in our authentic self, we can connect with who we truly are and find a deeper contentment. This is an acceptance of life as it is, just seeing desire as desire and not having to cling to it, moving fearlessly with change, and this can bring a lasting and pervading inner peace.