Chill Out: Dealing With Change

I was born in the Bronx and my wife Deb was born in England. We met in the US, but decided to move to England. I thought it would be a great chance to immerse myself in a different culture, and Deb needed to be closer to her elderly parents. I had lived in India, where I had trained in yoga, so I thought that moving to another country would be easy.

But change is not always so easy. Living in England was a much bigger challenge than I had anticipated and it gave rise to an even bigger shift in my mental state. I felt isolated. Having left my friends in the US, I found it difficult to reach out to make new ones, we all spoke the same words and yet there was this huge gulf in understanding. As they say, England and America are divided by a common language. I had to be with just me and, as much as I had years of meditation and spiritual training behind me, this was a different level of confrontation. I lost the plot and spiraled into depression.

My teacher once said, "The difference between a Yogi and a madman is that the yogi knows he is mad." I could see what was happening, I was witnessing the madness of my own mind, but how to lift out of it? I started by immersing myself in karma yoga, doing simple jobs in the garden, sweeping the floor, any small activities in order to keep my mind engaged instead of getting caught in my internal chatter and endless confusion. I knew that things would change. I knew nothing stays the same so I was patient. I stopped fighting and began to surrender to whatever arose. I became friends with my breath, with the simple in and out process of breathing. Whenever my out-of-control mind was ruling I was a mess, my mind was like a monkey bitten by a scorpion, but by accepting myself just as I was I could relax. Patience became by ally. Making friends with the monkey mind allowed me to go deeper into a calm space within where there was peace. My mantra became, "Being with what is." I meditated more, the silence like a comforting blanket wrapping itself around me. The clouds in my head eventually turned into sunnier days. Little by little I got my life back.

When a shift of this nature occurs it invites to go to a deeper place inside us, a place that may not even want to be happy. This might sound ridiculous for surely, given the option, we all want to be peaceful and at ease with life. But we carry layers of insecurity and self-doubt within us that we do our best to avoid, and so we resist making changes. How often have you said, 'This is the way I am and I can't help it, so it's just too bad!' This is what happened to me. The change I confronted appeared as a threat, rather than an exciting challenge or an opportunity for growth. It made me take a new look at how fixed and immovable I was.

The fear of change happening, or of making changes within ourselves, is the fear of the unknown. Your present life may be stressful, demanding, perhaps lonely, but at least it is familiar, whereas change implies unfamiliar, unknown territory. Who will you be? How will you behave? Will people still like you? Will you have the same friends? Will you be able to cope? I had coped fine in India living at the Ashram, but when I tried to cope in England I fell apart. Yet that falling apart led to finding myself in a whole new way.

Change is a shift in the story line, a letting go of the known, a leap in the dark. It is scary but it is also the very nature of existence--our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, ideas, even our relationships are as changeable as the weather or the seasons. As life never stands still change is inevitable, no matter what we do. Everything comes and goes; nothing is permanent. Without change in ourselves we become stifled and stagnant. Being with what is as it is, and integrating the reality of change is wonderfully liberating, like clearing away layers of dust and cobwebs to reveal a pristine beauty.

Comments

[Frekes]

We love Ed and Debs heartfelt, inspiring entries. This writting is insightful and entertaining in a completely meaningful way. Give us more please as we need to constantly 'wake-up' to the mystery of life and appreciate the experience of 'lving in love'
Big love Deb and Tim

[bolderarch]

Great article! Thanks for sharing the light.

[Ruthy]

Beautifully written and expressed..Each one is better than the last. How lucky you are to have gotten out of the Bronx and able to experience life that most people just read about.. Can't wait to read your next article. Guess you can take the girl out of the Bronx but not the Bronx out of the girl.

[LeapGuy]

Mr. Shapiro, you are an authentic gent. Don't ever change while you're changing. I hope to see many more articles from you Ed.

[elan4444]

You have to go to the U.K. because you want to go. If your only reason is to follow your loved one, there can be serious adjustment. One of the great things about living in England is that you drive 20 minutes and you are in the countryside, watching sheep frolic among thatched cottages. Seriously. Also, the museums are still free, so if you go into the city, you have a day filled with fantabulous history all totally complimentary. Not to mention the Chelsea flower show, which cannot be topped by any garden show anywhere (there is a charge for that). And it is refreshing that no decent Brit would ever ask Hugh Grant what he thought about parliament, and even if he did offer an opinion, nobody would take the slightest notice. On the other hand, some people here in the states are waiting for Angelina to endorse - really! So I do hope that you have made peace, it looks like you have.

[bearboy]

what if you had never left the Bronx?.....a scarry thought....? The only thing permanent in this life is change---that why I'm enjoying my life now--it may be my last! Thanks Swammi Ed!

Bearboy

[bearboy]

What if you would have never left the Bronx......a scarry thought....you wouldn't like it now....
Change is the only pemanent thing in this World----I am enjoying my life as it may be may last!
Thanks Swammii Ed!

Bearboy

[horsewoman]

Dear Ed, your honesty and soul searching sincerity is touching - I for one am glad you left the Bronx!

Horsewoman

[bearboy]

If you would have never left the Bronx.......what a scarry thought....you wouldn't like it now
Change is the only thing that is pemanent in this World. I am enjoying my life because it may be my last!
Thanks Ed!

Bearboy

[MonkeyTalk]

Shapiro and Huffington Post!
AWESOME!
The negative actors in this world will have to really look at their long-term survival now!
Love you Ed!
Monkey (you know who!)

[Dannydel]

I lived in Australia for 21 years. A semi-socialist state. We paid high taxes but in return we recieved:
* Free hospital care
* $11.00 doctor visits
* Free university (it now costs about $3000 a year)
Where the money didn't go:
* A Jumbo jet for the Prime Minister
* Billions spent on an armed force with which to invade sovereign countries over trumped up charges
* Protective tax laws for the rich
----------­----------­----------­----------­--
I'd much rather pay a tax which will be spent on improving the common good of my country than to see it spent on killing innocent people.

[biglover]

Me too.

[GivingIsGetting]

Thanks Ed for reminding us to dance with the flames when the world is on Fire!

[Jonahson]

To understand impermanence is to accept changes.
The Little Buddha,

"Lama Dorje what is impermanence"

"You see all the people around you? A hundred years from now they will all be dead."

[Delphy]

I love Ed Shapiro's chill out article. Look forward to hearing more from him. Delphy

[kcirderr]

For those of you who think about moving to Canada or Europe because America has become such an oppressive facist state let me give you permission to go. Yes, you have my blessing .. go, go NOW. As a matter of fact why not go 'All the Way' and move to Iran.

[gifu]

It might not be a fascist state but it is a disgustingly oppressive corporate rat race @ present, for quite a few. Your love-it-or-leave-it ,Archie Bunker mentality makes you no more or less of an American than any of the rest of us. Oooh, equality....what a concept. You don't still order "Freedom Fries" at burger joints, do you? (restaurant would be too French for your vocabulary, I would guess?) Lighten up......

[onelovecandy]

I am about so make the same move myself. From the US to England. Over the last couple of years I have had a better control of my mind by learning to live in the now. (Courtesy of Eckhart Tolle, The Power Of Now)

For years I feared this move but having faced all my fears and realized they were all in my mind, I now know I have nothing to fear, ever. When you question every miserable thought put forth, you realize all are lies. Remember, being alone is a fact, feeling lonely is a state of mind. A lying mind at that. As long as you are apart of the oneness of everything, you can never, ever be lonely.