02/23/2011 01:12 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Dear Republicans, Your Media Is Making You Crazy

Republicans, we need you to come back from the brink of insanity. If the political divisions in this country continue to deepen throughout the 21st century, external forces are going to, quite simply, hand us our butts on a stick. And the one thing all Americans can agree on is that we do not want to end up as a nation of bankrupt ass kabobs. A poorly informed nation with misaligned priorities cannot maintain a position of global prominence, and that is why, Republicans, you need to recognize that the conservative media is making you crazy.

First of all, we need to trash the laughable, contrived conspiracy theory of a ubiquitous liberal media that face-humps your favorite teddy while you sleep. Of course there is some version of a liberal media, however, there is also a conservative media. There is also a blogging media. There is also a social media. There is also a naughty media that just went bowels in the corner. Media is everywhere, and it stains carpet.

Political news is this country is dominated by the conservative media. MSNBC, NPR, and The Huffington Post don't outweigh Beck, Rush, Bill, Tucker, The NYPost, Drudge, Breitbart, Imus, Hannity, and the other swaying jowels on that FOX channel. (The Daily Show and The Colbert Report are self-admitted comedy shows that don't claim to be news sources.)

The truth that our political media is saturated with conservative shout-points is difficult for many Republicans to admit because it goes against the conservative agenda of convincing its base that they are a small, powerless minority that is under constant threat. Trust me conservatives, nobody is threatening you. We, on the other side of the political fence, are liberals and progressives; we don't want to threaten anyone. Sometimes you hate us for that very reason, remember?

Not only does the conservative media exist, let me tell you how good it is...

The other day, I was reading an article on the teacher protests in Wisconsin on a left-leaning blog that could barely afford the luxury of web design when an advertisement popped up on the side of my screen and demanded: "Help Defund Planned Parenthood!"


The ad then flashed an image of Michele Bachmann with a huge smile that made her look happier than a well-oiled BuffoonTronic 9000 in the national media spotlight.

Even as I was reading an article about Wisconsin's GOP legislators trying to take away public servants' right to collective bargaining...I still see an ad to eliminate services that give underprivileged women access to birth control, cancer screenings, and family planning services?

That's a damn good media. It also puts forth an offensively crazy proposal.

Voters, especially Republican voters, need to take note that many of your politicians have crossed the stygian River Batshit. Can anyone deny that the current dialogue in D.C. goes something like this:

REPUBLICANS: "We need to get this country back on track."
DEMOCRATS: "OK, what do you think we should do?"
REPUBLICANS: "Get rid of weakling negotiators like you, for starters!"

This is called A Crazy Way to Legislate.

How about the following items that are not opinions, but facts? (Anyone remember those?)

County commissioners in Frederick, Maryland voted to eliminate Head Start programs because women can stay at home to raise their children.
House Majority Leader John Boehner has stated that we need to have an open dialogue on repealing the 14th amendment (yeah, the one in the Constitution.)
There are still many Republicans who believe that Obama is a socialist Muslim who isn't an American citizen.

These political perspectives are irrational, myopic, close-minded, racist, classist, and should all be considered abject embarrassments to citizens of the United States of America in the 21st century.

Republican politicians, you have to come back from crazy asap. Your aggressive abuse of your constituency with needlessly hard-line attitudes and your desire to gain time in the national spotlight with your manipulative, self-serving sideshows is dangerous. I don't know what the endgame is of this lust for the destruction of any social program that benefits the marginalized, but it can't be good.

Republican voters, you also have to come back from crazy because the conservative media is turning you into Manchurian citizens.

Voters from all across the political spectrum must recognize that this conservative media collective prioritizes opinions over facts, it stresses showmanship over substance, and has repeatedly shown its inability to analyze political events with any sense of social responsibility.

I'm not talking about eradicating all differences in political perspectives; I'm talking about putting an end to supporting aggressively punitive legislation that favors only those already in positions of power.

Such policies are absolutely antithetical to the American Ideal and should be often and easily identified as an unacceptable from our legislators. In order to do this, however, we must recognize the media sources from which this madness flows, 24/7/365.

Republicans, we need you to come back from crazy, because there are tens of millions of Americans who just aren't ever going to meet you there.

And if it is allowed to remain a driving force in our national dynamic, the conservative media will eventually send our nation's politics careening over the Cliffs of WTF? And it won't be long before our voting booths will need to be equipped with padded walls.