It's Fashion Week in New York, and I've changed my mind about fur. I'm in!! Style.com and Women's Wear Daily raved about Oscar de la Renta's wolverine coats and coyote vests for the "ladies who lunch". (Where the hell are they eating, Borneo?) Carolina Herrera showed a "brooding collection" with muskrat tunics. I LOVE brooding muskrats! New York Magazine says fur is everywhere. It's hair, it's bear, get used to it.
Whew, I finally I feel like I've been deprogrammed from a cult. Anna Wintour snapped me out of it when I saw that picture of her with so much fur hanging down her neck and chest, she looked like she was being hugged by kittens. Fur is Love! Did you think I'd continue to let some anti-fashion, edamame- filled, unbleached- cotton- hoodie sporting Bikram Yoga reject handing out pamphlets (pamphlets, my dear, what's next, a manifesto?) on 57th street of all places affect my wa? How are you supposed to keep warm if your chauffeur has to circle the block? Down? Down is for bedrooms in Aspen. What am I? A duvet? Besides, anyone walking on 57th street deserves to have paint thrown on her coat. These precious creatures were not trapped, bled, gutted and skinned just to be paraded past (ugh) NikeTown.
Fur coats are for Avenues, not streets. And I am talking about precious creatures here. Not the mink-adjacent anemic shedding one-ninety-nine-ninety-nine department store markdown layaway specials sold to secretaries and mid-level split-level corporate 2nd place trophy wives from the suburbs, who wear gold necklaces that say "BITCH". Droll. Honestly. Saks will manage to do fur in by making it (a version of it, anyway) accessible to people who went to public school. "A spiky, oval-shaped hat made of fox, dyed lilac and purple" makes me want to expectorate my seventy five dollar fois gras stuffed hamburger. That is not what nature, and Fendi, had in mind. To anyone who doesn't think fur looks better on a person than an animal I have just one word to say to you, "Snoop Doggy Dogg".
It's a glorious fact that fur is no longer a preoccupation of people appalled by cruelty. They now have other fish to bake en papiette. Conservationists indeed, like we're ever going to run out of animals. The dinosaurs did not die out because people made coats out of them. Polar Bears are down for the count, anyway. Do we just waste them? How dare Botox averse pontificators presume to speak for animals when they don't even have any injected in their foreheads. People who can't get even a ten thirty reservation at Babbo are jealous that my coat gets in at eight. Did they ever stop to think that we're saving animals too? From boredom? Maybe elephants and whales like show business. Everybody else does! Maybe dolphins like swimming with tourists twelve hours a day in Florida. How else would a dolphin get into a hotel there in high season?
Fur is back. Come on ivory.