Yelling At The TV - 2

Today's knee jerk reactions to the headlines. Or, Why My Husband Works Late (or so he says).

"Bush Tells Congress To "Get Off Their Vacation" Right Before Crawford Trip."
He also tells them to stop mispronouncing "nucular".

"Kerry: McCain's People Approached Me About Considering Him As VP."
Well, now we know McCain's senile, Kerry's not even running.

"White House Blames Matthew Dowd's Criticism Of Bush On "Personal Hardship."
Yes, the personal hardship of living under the Bush administration.

"Gonzales Trains For Showdown With Senators."
"I think I can take Pelosi down in three, her jaw looks weak, so I'm concentrating on my upper cut. And my lying. I also have to read a lot of stuff I wrote, for the first time."

"Giuliani: Lay Off My Wife."
Wow, that is SO generous!

"Scary Spice Gives Birth To Eddie Murphy's Supposed Love Child - On his Birthday."
What, you expected me to make that funnier?

"Top Researcher Predicts Major Hurricane Season."
Bush: Ya see how science is so negative all the time? That's why we don't pay it any mind.

"Ultra-Conservative Utah College Protests Cheney Visit."
Well, you know you're a bad cook when even Jewish people think it's too salty.

"Richardson First Candidate To Sign Medical Marijuana Bill."
Also declares first quarter campaign fundraising net of seven hundred dollars "totally awesome".

"Tsunami Kills At Least 28, Leaves Thousands Homeless On Solomon Islands."
Bush: Thank God nothing like that has ever happened here.

"Keith Richards: "I Snorted My Cremated Father."
But at least Scary Spice didn't give birth to my love child on my
birthday.

"McCain Saves Exclusive Footage Of Iraq Media Tour For Sunday's "60 Minutes."
Wants to give Katie Couric a chance to tell him what "some people" are saying about it.

"Britain's Standoff With Iran Enters "Critical" 48 Hours."
Bush not worried, hates that show.

"Keith Richards: "I Snorted My Cremated Father."
The worst part is, he cut him with his uncle.

"MySpace To Hold Its Own "Presidential Primary."
New meaning to "Friends of Bill". Then, debates on YouTube, donations through Paypal, fundraisers on ebay, voter registration on Craig's List, voting through American Idol lines, Inaugural Gala pizza delivery, no driving, planet saved.

"Keith Richards: "I Snorted My Cremated Father."
Timothy Leary's Oedipus complex.

"Fake Niger Letter Was Foundation Of The Case For the Iraq War."
Fake budget to end it.