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Yelling At The TV

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An instant knee-jerk reaction to today's top stories. Or, to be more accurate, something I do that has caused my husband to stay at work every day until after The Newshour ends: "Yelling At The TV".

"Supreme Court Overrules Bush on Global Warming."
Alberto Gonzales fires Supreme Court.

"GOP Fundraising: War Candidate McCain Comes In Distant Third."
Promises to sell more cookies. Also thinking of changing name from "War Candidate McCain" to "Hot Chicks and Free Beer Candidate McCain".

"Judi's Dog Days - To Sell Surgical Products, Mrs. Giuliani Demonstrated Them On Dogs That Were Then Killed."
That ought to scare the hell out of the insurgents. Makes Bush look like George Will.

"GOP Illegal Immigration Foe Tancredo Announces '08 Bid."
Tancredo. Is that Spanish, or Italian?

"Sydney Pollack To Direct Film On Florida Recount."
Actors practice eating dinner at three in the afternoon.

"Major Advocacy Groups Oppose XM-Sirius Merger."
Now they're against satellite marriages.

"O'Reilly Cuts Colonel's Mic Off To Get In Last Word."
You can't spell "fair and balanced" without "r,e, i, l,", sorry, out of letters.

"Israel Hires "MAXIM" For National PR Campaign."
Because not enough women hate us yet.

"Iran Won't Air More Videos Of Captured British Sailors Because of 'Positive Changes' From UK."
Yes. The UK agreed not to air any more "Girls Gone Wild" videos on Iranian satellite.

"McCain's Day In Iraq: Declares Americans Not Getting "Full Picture".
That's true. We mostly hear about Baghdad. There are many other, smaller, provinces and cities where executions and suicide bombings occur that we never even hear about.

"White House: Bush Not Skipping Ceremonial Pitch For Fear of Getting Booed."
Yeah, he just doesn't have much of an interest in baseball.. And he can't send Cheney or Hastert or anyone else he likes to take his place because none of those fat bastard crooks can make it up the mound.

"Schwarzenegger's State Board Picks Raise Charges Of Cronyism - His Dentist and Former Chiropractor Are Among Those With Roles On Oversight Panels."
No doubt overseeing torture.

"Pelosi Shrugs Off White House Criticism Of Her Trip To Syria: "Interesting... Republicans Were In Syria Yesterday." Bush isn't angry she's going, he's angry she's coming back.

"New Generation of Al Qaeda Chiefs Leading Resurgence In Pakistan - Qaeda Is Seen As Restoring Leadership."
And Republicans are jealous.

"Schoolgirls Slaughtered In Iraq Attacks."
In Iraq, a step forward in equality of the sexes.

"Dems' Record Fundraising Numbers - Clinton: $26 Million; Obama To Report Approx $21 Million; Edwards: $14 Million."
Boston Crème donut - 83 cents. Toothpaste - $2.29. Coffee - 99 cents. Underwear - 3 for $10. Shampoo - $5.99. Priceline airline ticket - $339. What the hell are they buying???? (Yeah yeah I know, the election. But really, is it that expensive?) We need to vote at Costco. Just pennies a vote and lots of 'em, although I think the Chinese candidate would win.