Allow me to preface this post: my intent here is to begin a dialogue. After receiving much-appreciated feedback on the first draft of this piece from trusted colleagues, it's clear that this is an important distinction, and that I may not please everyone with my articulation. I simply want everyone to see that we are all the same. This piece marks the beginning of a deep truth-telling that I'm engaging in my own life, and I'm seeing that I've been fighting against the truth for too long. If we cannot be honest now, we will keep fighting ourselves later.
A couple of weeks ago I taught that we have a choice at all times: slave or servant? Would you rather be an unconscious slave to every thought, circumstance and negativity, or a conscious servant to the highest, to your heart?
Note: "highest" for me doesn't have religious implications; it points to my highest, most conscious behavior. And from the looks I got from my students when I spoke of this in class, I realized we all needed to redefine the word "servant," so here goes.
Ten years ago a respected teacher taught me that true learning and progress on the path revolves around service. I misunderstood her at the time, so in my twenties and thirties I helped in soup kitchens and tutored kids -- but I wasn't coming from a place of pure service. I was doing it because I thought I should, and while it was certainly helpful, I wasn't conscious, but it was a start.
As a "servant," you offer your highest attention and care in the most mundane moments. A simple example: when you prepare your breakfast, stay awake and do it consciously. That way, no matter what you're doing, you're amassing moments of real consciousness in your own body. Serve your family, your partner, your profession, your friends or your own healing by making every conversation and interaction an intentional act.
And if it seems like "serving" implies lower status or weakness, highlight this: conscious service is not about giving away your power; to consciously serve by being attentive in any context actually magnifies your power and magnetizes abundance in your direction. I've noticed that when I'm attentive in my simplest movements consistently throughout just one day, the return is tangible: my son sings to me, a new client rings me or someone showers me with gratitude. It always works that way.
Let's set out the rough stuff first.
Examples of slavery (implying disconnection and contraction; brain-centered):
Examples of service (implying spaciousness and expansion; heart-centered):
In my experience, I'm an unconscious slave to opinions, sensations, thoughts, clothes, people, substances, doubt, fear and pride, to list a few. Recently I realized that I've been a slave for 25 years to an incorrect assumption, thereby blocking myself from a real relationship with my own sister for that long. How is it that countless times a week, I intend to say one thing and instead say something damagingly different? To rearrange this misuse of my energy, I have to stay super awake and hold an awareness of my behavior, all day long. Yes, it's daunting, but I'm here to report that it's possible.
Both slave and servant fall under the same umbrella of who-we-are. We cannot serve unless we've first seen our slavery, and we need to see the slavery to locate our potential to serve and align ourselves optimally. The habits and "flaws" are the gifts, lighting the path to our highest potential. In the beginning we must be consistent in noticing and actually noting the moments of slavery, in order to move past them and into service. Making lists of those moments, recently on notes in my phone, really helps. I can't forget the general behavior when when the particulars are written down in front of me. And when it's right there, I'm less likely to do it again.
Example: On Halloween this year, right after my four-year-old son and I were marveling at the peacefulness of our morning (one of those shining moments when I spent an hour actually being his mother rather than a petulant teenager), he dropped his trick-or-treat plastic pumpkin into a puddle. Precisely 30 seconds after my genius mothering proclamation, I made him feel clumsy and ashamed for dropping it. That's my slavery to control (which I've noticed is very popular among parents of toddlers in New York City). I've learned that all of my rushing, doubt and judgments are manifestations of this controlling obsession, and I'm shifting. After reading of Allan Schore's findings on shame in "The Biology of Transcendence," each time I shame my child, I immediately apologize, talk about it with him and hug him, so that his brain can shift out of survival mode and back into creative play mode. And together we've designed consequences for my anger (via my studies with the Handel Group): each time I get angry, I have to put $5 on the sidewalk. Ten dollars went on the street this morning; it feels weird, and it's supposed to.
Allegedly it takes about four to six weeks to evolve a tendency toward slavery, or "trait," as it's articulated in Handel Group methodology, when we're employing consequences for the bouts of slavery, like I do with my kid. I plan on delving deeper into the consequences in a future post.
When I teach this in the context of yoga class, I reiterate the same question: slave or servant? Yoga mat or sidewalk, we're slaves to the same forces: disappointment, frustration, fear, pride -- you name it. And when the slavery seems most intensely insurmountable, it's exactly then that you're seeing yourself and can devise a strategy. Here are some simple strategies you can employ on your mat: soften your eyes, breathe into the back of your heart so deeply that your internal space is more vast and expansive than you've ever felt in your life. Clear any contracted places, create a coherent heart rhythm and shift the oncoming reaction.
Off the mat, when you notice yourself in a state of slavery, please remember that it's not getting worse, you're just seeing more. And the blocks are loosening their hold on you every time you look consciously. My mission is to serve by listening attentively and being truthful.
How do you serve?
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Jeff Gitterman: The Currency of Attention
I have always believed that when "good" is done, it's done without being noticed, because a true good person doesn't do something to be/look "good", he does it without knowing, naturally, like breathing, without any contemplation. "Being" good and "doing" good, for their own sake, is commendable and better than not doing them at all. But for a true good person, it's his life and he can't be anything else, so he doesn't think he is doing any favors for anyone by being his natural self, hence, he doesn't expect anything in return. It's part of him to be in service to life 24/7, especially the "present", giving it all his attention, respecting every moment. I have tough time teaching my children to give 100% of their attention to whatever they are doing, because the schools, society, and the world on the whole, foster, encourage and reward multitasking.
There is something I would like to ask, for I am curious what your opinion would be. You mention that lying, even to "protect" someone, falls under the servant umbrella. I feel that this is not 100% true, for there have been situations in my own life where lying very clearly served to protect someone- and I really am not exaggerating or being poetic (or cowardly or evasive for that matter). Perhaps I'm not interpreting you correctly, but, I feel as though being truthful is more complex than simply "not lying". I mean the real question for me is, what is the level of awareness present in the midst of any action?
I would love to hear your thoughts on this. With much love, gratitude, and respect :)
Are you reallly going to suggest the average person demonstrates any ability to work with others in any truly meaningful way? If so, you're distracting from the points you've so eloquently made.
One important sidelight consideration is that as people keep attention on reality on a moment by moment basis they become much more socially sensitive. How many people can't be told anything really important about their basic problems because they use walls around their minds to block out info that seems uncomplimentary?
I'm not suggesting anything like the current free for all a lot of social interaction passes for. I just think about how much help I need from people and how much I have not been able to give because people use their attention to constantly reinforce their own walls.
What I mean by this is that I may be able to work on myself and even get to the point of a life that works for the most part. I think a lot of us are finding that part of the current societal meltdown requires increased emotional self-sufficiency. Ultimately it's much better if people can figure out how to work together.
With great respect
"...how much I have not been able to give because people use their attention to constantly reinforce their own walls."
It takes a greater man to see all angles of an issue.