Do you have a person in your life that is (as my mother would graciously call them), "An Irritant?"
I do.
Friends and neighbors have given her names like Whack Job, which just goes to show you how kind Mom is. I could run down the laundry list of interesting ways she showers me with attention, but let's cut to the chase...an officer of the court has advised me to get a restraining order.
So what do you do?
This wonderful video has given me an inner road map of how to proceed. I hope that it helps you with that person or institution that is a big old mega challenge.
Here are some of my intentions. Wish me luck. Please join me if you have a challenging person in your orbit.
Drop the Hot Coal
"Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." - The Buddha
This is an easier quote to read than to do. I am working on doing it anyway. Wish me luck!
Fab 15: Who is the person that is bugging you? Take 15 minutes to send them the love and compassion that you would want for yourself.
What You Focus On Grows.
Every single minute you and I have a choice. You can only focus on one thing at a time. What will your response be? I am challenging myself to make choices that are less about wounding or more about wonderful. Gratitude has always been a lifesaver for me. Have you tried it lately?
Fab 15: Take 15 minutes a focus all your attention of what you are grateful for.
Mirror, Mirror
I see this rage being vented at me as a reflection of the yet unhealed anger I have within myself. Even though I am uncomfortable admitting it, I wouldn't have attracted this sort of experience unless it reflected something inside of me. I can use this situation for learning and healing. I can choose to embrace all of me and forgive my Inner Bully.
Fab 15: Take 15 minutes and forgive yourself. Embrace all of your humanity. Embrace that other person with loving and compassion.
Service Is As Simple As A Hug
What would our world be like if we could live like that animated character? What kind of changes could be ignite? I can't say that I will honestly walk up to this woman and give her a hug...except in my heart.
Fab 15: Take 15 seconds and hug a person you are having a challenge with in your mind. Take 5 minutes and hug 5 people. (You'll be amazed at how long a minute is... and how much better you'll feel.)
Are you ready to get out of the way and let your dreams have a say? Ask Eli a question at info@elidavidson.com or go to http://www.elidavidson.com today.
Eli Davidson is a nationally recognized executive coach and motivational speaker. Her book, "Funky to Fabulous: Surefire Success Stories for the Savvy, Sassy and Swamped", (Oak Grove Publishing) has won three national book awards. Eli is a reinvention catalyst, who can transform your professional and personal life from Funky to Fabulous with her ten, trademarked Turnaround Techniques that create rapid and remarkable results.
Follow Eli Davidson on Twitter: www.twitter.com/elidavidsonf2f
Now you need not be so drastic Ms Eli perhaps you can try meeting that person in the presence of a friend and try to sort things out. Always have compassion in your heart. It is just a suggestion hope things turn out well for you. May you all be well and happy
Ref.; http://www.accessmylibrary.com/coms2/summary_0286-14072309_ITM
Here’s another more drastic action in the Buddha’s time. A beautiful lady had renounced and become a nun under the Buddha.
She later became an Arahant. Even though she had shaved and dressed in monk robes she was still beautiful. A former suitor was still attracted to her and would hassle her. One day this matter came to the noticed of the Buddha and he called both the female Arahant and her former suitor to see him. So the Buddha asked as the former suitor, “So what is it that you like about this nun (or Bhikkuni as female nun was called)?â€
“Her beautiful eyes. She has the most beautiful eyes.â€
Three years ago I attended an inspiration talk by Rev. Sung Won a young hand some Buddhist monk from Korea. He was at that time giving an exhibition on his painting of his life in the monastery depicted by little monks(you may find them in Buddhist calendars) the proceed of the sales would go to support the temple where he is residing. He spoke in English on many of his life’s experiences. One of this experience involving a girl very much attracted to him, she wanted to marry him and would follow him around the temple. When he turned there she is just beside him. Now Rev. Sung Won had in his early days, even before becoming a monk, had an ability to see his past lives, he saw that in one of his past live he was a women who had eight children living in China. He saw how some of the children died in war while some died by sickness it was a sad trip to the past. So this life he vowed to become a monk and never to marry.
Just saw your movie trailer
I look forward to the whole film
Big Love, Big Hugs,
Ed
You are THE BOMB!!!!
I hope we get to see the movie in Hawaii.
Flourishing Love and Compassion!
Eli
I agree with most of your column...but take issue with one part.
I feel that your statement of "I wouldn't have attracted this sort of experience unless it reflected something inside of me." is incorrect in its definiteness. You are clearly stating that ones own inner situation is a definite causal factor in how other people act. I believe that people are complicated beings and our actions spring from rational plans and subconscious motivations that are internal to each of us. I cannot accept the notion that I MUST accept responsibility for how others choose to express themselves. Often people's actions will have nothing to do with me. Seeking to ALWAYS inject my own meaning into their actions is a sop to my own ego. But, reflecting on whether I might have had some culpability has been a very useful exercise. Sometimes I was part of the problem, sometimes I just happened to be present.
I would hate for someone to draw the conclusion that everything that happened around them was due to them, the world is much bigger than that.
Anger is such a useful emotion because it can move for change. Not so good when it poisons our system.
The love and wisdom that you are is so much greater than your emotions in the situation. I am happy to hear you are also taking practical steps to take care of yourself. You deserve all of the good care.
I find that difficult emotions challenge me to awaken more of my Spirit; then when I have done so, more of the blessings seem to rain upon me. Always a winner, Eli, that's who you are.
Love and blessings to you,
Anne
I attempt to do these things in my life, but this was a great reminder.
And the lesson came at the prefect time; just what I needed to hear today. Thank you!
Blessings.
I sure needed support today!
Loving!
Eli Davidson
My brother, his wife, and my mother were verbally, mentally, emotionally and psychologically assaulting me in my face this past Easter Sunday, and their 15 year old son punched me in the back and threatened to kill me. My brother was a hair's width from kicking my ass. Wether that violence was a reflection of my anger I can't say for sure. I do know they acted out their anger. What I do know is I am aware of my anger, my insecurities, where I am thwarted and I do not act it out on people. And especially have not ganged up on anyone. This explosion came on the heels of decades of therapy, meditating, writing, visualizing and specifically practicing these very techniques of sending love to everyone I know. Of wanting to be a loving person. To heal. The details of the genesis of this very frightening trauma are too long to go into here. I will say I believe in the inherent right of everyone to be treated with respect. My brother and his family do not. They are supporters of Palin. Sean Hannity et al. Wether they were reflecting my anger or acting out their anger or sense of powerlessness or entitlement, whatever it was, the next time it happens, I will call the police.
May all beings be happy; may all beings have cause to be happy.
I think you are quite brave to share something that is challenging, vulnerable and difficult with the World Wide Web.
By sharing the things we are challenged by, and offering tricks of the trade, everyone can find a situation that applies and try it out- even if only in our minds at first.
Despite this challenge, you are loved by so many - and that is the best healing balm of all.
I loved the animation movie!
Take care
Kari
How could I do anything but LOVE YOU!!! I crave a Carmel filled Cadbury Easter Egg every time I see your name. "Despite this challenge, you are loved by so many - and that is the best healing balm of all." made my heart melt.
I am still embroiled in this interesting situation and it does challenge me to find love in places that it doesn't seem to exist. This post was cathartic for me. I am claiming that the world is a safe place...Bless you and the kindness you share on our World Wide Web/
Tenderly,
Eli
Ryan
===
This is pure blather from the purveyors of THE SECRET.
Let's deconstruct it - which should take all of 2 minutes.
1. People have all kinds of experiences - individually and en masse - which they don't "attract". Think of the Christmas Tsunami, the recent earthquake in Italy, people killed by the BTK killer. These terrible events weren't any sort of "reflection" of the inner state of the people who suffered and died.
2. The truth is we all have the same set of atavistic impulses, as well as the same capacity for noble aspiration. Unless you're a Buddha already, you're going to be dealing with eruptions of sadness, anger and fear as part of your life "stuff" until you die. Some people will get cancer at 40, and others will be healthy until they're 90. It's only new age nonsense that ascribes causal links. As any educated person knows: correlation does not imply causation.
3. People have recognized forever that "bad" things happen to "good" people, and "good" things happend to "bad" people. So what?
I adore your screen name. It makes me smile and wonder...
Guilty as charged.
1. I just shot the "Meta Secret" with most of the folks that were in "The Secret." so it is no surprise that there a similarity.
2. My view is that the more I can learn from life the better my life is. I am looking at this experience as one that I can learn and grow from -even if it is uncomfortable.
3.Only I can alter my attitude regardless of what happens to me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Vx3hN1u0EA
You guys should make a bundle off of it! Happy hunting!
How I love Fridays with you. Truly a magical time when I read your posts.
I have been practicing a variation on this for a little bit with the drivers in Los Angeles. In the past, I'd yell, scream, get into a altercation or two when my driving standards were put to the test. I mean come on people, directionals are there for a reason!
Now I send them some love. It gets me in touch with the love inside of me. And I realized the anger that i spewed at them was really falling on deaf ears. So why not spew love? It does the body good.
And thanks to your first commenter I can practice sending love to someone I would want to scream at. Yeah I got your back Miss Davidson!
Keep up the fantastic work,
Brendan
You and your brilliance make my Fridays a joy! Wow! You are spewing love-even to crazy LA dirvers.
Our world is a better place because of YOU!!!
Bless You and Your Spewing!!!
Eli