Life Balance: Can You Pass The Bacon Test?

Last weeks post honoring the memory of the amazing Jamie Dyer Dordek had many unexpected consequences. On the vibrant bright side, it was a comfort to her mother, brother, family members and friends.

Here's what Jamie's Mom had to say.

Hi Eli, This is Jamie's mom and your column today is such a pleasure to read and those of us who knew and loved her. It is the first morning I have awakened and smiled. I hope this reaches people and teaches at least one of them to live each day to it's fullest with wit, charm and the zest for new experiences that Jamie had. I hope people will stop and look at the view, call a loved one or someone they have been meaning to call and eat bacon.

I have read your article and every comment over and over all day ...I will cherish this forever. Her family and friends have sent this link out everywhere and we have been receiving e-mails and phone calls all day...I thank you for her day in the Huff Post XOXO

Another added benefit was that I got to discover that I was wrong. Wrong about Twitter. I got to meet many of Jamie's on line Twitter family, some of whom where gracious enough to help me walk through my resistance to yet another reason to be in front of a key board and not digging in my garden. Another plus was that I got to experience the community of support which is so profound. A special thank you to the wonderful Jason Mannino HuffPo blogger for jumping into the fray.

On what I would describe as the venomous dark side, two commenters posted heartless comments. (More about that in a moment.) Thank you to the staff of Huff Po for ultimately removing those comments.

Grow Up Or Shut Up
Jamie loved full out. You can feel the love as you read the comments about her. As crazy as it seems to me, one of her loves (the love of all things bacon) brought out a string of angry responses. These comments punctured the tribute to this wonderful woman who died two weeks ago.

I was appalled and don't care how much of a vegan you are...hogs can't read. Just because you know how to type does not mean that you need to comment. Jamie's Mom, brother and family were reading "every comment over and over all day."

My hearts pounded as I read comments that were a slap in the face to a woman who would never be able to defend herself. I had just spent the weekend at The University of Santa Monica Spiritual Psychology program. Its focus is Soul centered learning which in my case is all about learning to love more, judge less and getting cutting edge tools to create more of what I want. I'd spent 25 hours learning to be more loving. Within 3 minutes all my spiritual psychology was a limpid puddle on the floor.

Cue the 70's Sci Fi Music
I wanted to put on my badge of The Comment Police jump into my computer screen, slide down through the slick Internet corridors find those two idiots and throttle them. Once I found those yutzes I would spring out of the computer like Athena from Zeus¹s head.

"Grow up or shut up." I would snarl.

"And stay away from my columns. And my friend's columns. That's it. You cretins are banned from the Living Section all together." Once I vented, I would leave in a puff of hazy purple mist.

Hmmm. With a response like that I realized that I sure had a lot of learning to do in the kindness and compassion arena. Seeing my out of balance response to comments about bacon brought me back to my Kansas roots.

Wake Up and Smell The.... Bacon
I grew up on a farm in Bucyrus, Kansas where folks take their opinions and their pork products very seriously. Mr. Mouser, our 7th grade science teacher at The Barstow School in Kansas City was an icon. Why? Day in and day out he would talk about the dangers of eating under cooked bacon. He was obsessed.

Bad bacon could kill you. The only bacon worth eating was bacon that could pass what he termed "The Mr. Mouser Bacon Test." To pass the test bacon would need to be well cooked enough to balance on your finger ­like a piece of wood.

This was an excellent opportunity to play with food. So, as a teen I would put any bacon within arm's reach through The Mr. Mouser Bacon Test. It didn't matter whose plate it was on. As I thought about my rabid response to the comments on my column, I realized that perhaps Mr. Mouser's test was teaching us something far more profound.

Observing balance.

The Bacon Balance Test
I did not pass the 'balance test.' Regardless of your opinion of bacon can you stay centered? Here's a quick test.

Do you need to be right and make someone else wrong?

Do you need to be in control?

Can you use the situation for upliftment, learning or growth?

Can you respect the person even if you disagree with them?

Can you put yourself in someone else's shoes?

How do you maintain your balance? I'd love to know. Hey, if you had science with Mr. Mouser I'd love to have you share any more details of that bacon test.

You can receive notice of my blogs every Friday by checking Become a Fan at the top. Ask Eli a question at [e-mail] or go to www.elidavidson.com today.

Eli Davidson is a nationally recognized executive coach and motivational speaker. Her book, "Funky to Fabulous: Surefire Success Stories for the Savvy, Sassy and Swamped", (Oak Grove Publishing) has won three national book awards. Eli is a reinvention catalyst, who can transform your professional and personal life from Funky to Fabulous with her ten, trademarked Turnaround Techniques that create rapid and remarkable results. Check out her blog at http://funkytofabulous.blogspot.com/

Comments

[FrancesAlford]

There is a phenonomen amongst us. It is called MISSING THE POINT. We run into it all day long. Thes are the MTP folks. They are not interested in what you have to say. The intent look on their faces has to do with looking for the loophole so that they can jump in and take over. They will never be able to see that you were making a tribute to a fine young woman, they will assume that the subject today is how much fun it is to kill hogs. I call these people conversational railroaders. Unfortunately, in this kind of media, there is not much we can do to avoid them. In one to one conversations, I often find myself avoiding the buzz words that will de-rail a conversation. But, come to think of it, maybe letting it get de-railed is a fast efficient way to identify the MTP folks. Then we can avoid them. I have also tried saying: " Oh, I was confused, I thought we were talking about my friend and her memory, are you suggesting that animal cruelty is a better subject for the conversation?

Frances Holliday Alford

[sonoffestus]

If you can't find the good in bacon.....­.uhm......­... try a carrot, and be happy for those who like bacon. It works for me........­..........­.....SOF

[Eli Davidson - Huffpost Blogger]

Hi There,
Find the good...in whatever you are given.

Now, there's a perscription for balance and happiness.

Thanks!
Eli

[myoungholt]

Acceptance.

We're constantly told not to judge; however, we need to make judgements every day in order to protect ourselves from any number of conflicts that might arise.

We're constantly told to forgive; however, forgiving necessitates making a judgement.

Acceptance of that which I cannot or do not wish to control gives me freedom to be the person I truly want to be and the time that worry previously took up

[Eli Davidson - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you for bringing up such an incredible point.

ACCEPTANCE is the ever important first step in a conscious life.

I appreciate your wisdom, and look forward to more from you!

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Lovely- Eli one of my favorites on the HuffPost/living

Your heart is wonderful

I meditate as it is a way very being still and seing things in an objective way

our mind is like a monkey jumping from thought to thought --drama to drama..with a balanced mind there is spaciousness and a chance to see with fresh eyes and to be able to chill- that is why we have just written our new book. It is our offering to a crazy world....(I won't go there now)

Staying in the heart/loving and being with caring friends all are part of being a balanced person. And tahat includes YOU *****

Lovingly,

Ed

[Eli Davidson - Huffpost Blogger]

Bless You and Deb,
I can't wait to dive into your newest book. I sounds like the perfect blessing for our current world!

Love,
Elk

[jennytaylia]

Mmmmmmmmmm­mmmmm..... bacon!

[CrankyGal]

I think it helps to be fifty if you want to pass the bacon test. I find I've let a lot of things go, that I'm not willing to waste energy on things that don't matter.

Life isn't a zero sum game, and being in control is usually too much work for too little reward.

My main observation is that people are drawn to positive energy and repelled by negative energy. So try to stay positive.

Also Eli, ignore the vegetarians. They're tedious idiots. What is more boring than listening to some self-satisfied vegetarian tell you about their diet and why they became veggies? They think they've made a deal with God that if they eat a certain way they'll live forever. My husband's cousin and one of my oldest friends thought that way, both health nut veggies and both dead of cancer before 45.

You're going to die when you die, you might as well eat what you want.

[Eli Davidson - Huffpost Blogger]

I think that you channeled Jamie!

You're going to die when you die, you might as well eat what you want."
Love,
Eli

[Dr. Judith Rich - Huffpost Blogger]

Dearest Eli,

You are a TRIP!! I love your spunk and grace all rolled into a big, delicious bacon burger (I remember a post you wrote about polishing off an entire Big Mac. Did it have bacon on it?).

I'm certainly getting to practice staying in balance, what with the arrival of Bella Coventina (you know who SHE is!) I am only in control of my relationship with her. She is the harbinger of peace, oddly enough. There is nowhere to go with this diagnosis except to a place of surrender and acceptance. I don't always pass the bacon test on this, but I give myself an A- which isn't bad.

Life serves up whatever we need to have us learn the hard lessons on our plate. I'm learning that the more I can be a "yes" to what is in front of me, the more grace I experience.

I don't know how I'll ever see another piece of bacon without thinking of you! Great anchor!

Many blessings, Miss Fabulous.......
Judith

[Eli Davidson - Huffpost Blogger]

My Dear and Precious Judith,

My goodness "the arrival of Bella Coventina" and you are walking yourpath with such majesty and awareness.

"Life serves up whatever we need to have us learn the hard lessons on our plate. I'm learning that the more I can be a "yes" to what is in front of me, the more grace I experience."

You are always get an A +++ in my book.
Love,
Eli

[llisa]

Hi Eli,

I'm a first time reader of your post, so naturally I had to go back and read your post on Jamie. She sounds like an amazing young woman. I'm sorry the world has lost her.

As for your bacon test: I'm OK on most of them, but used to have trouble wanting to be in control. But, when my youngest daughter was 15, she had a brain tumor that knocked us all for a loop. For many months, she was practically totally dependent on me. Two years, three brain surgeries, a stroke, rehab, and a whole lot of seizures later, she was preparing to go to college. I tried to get her to stay at home and go to a community college for awhile--let Mom take care of her a little longer. But, I was butting heads with someone even more stubborn than I. She said, "This isn't the life I had planned, but if this is the life I get, I am going to do it as well as I can. So off she went. She even studied in Europe for a semester. And though she still had occasional seizures, and often had (has) pain, she took control of her life and I had to let go. It was very traumatic for me. I think it was almost as hard to let go as it was to watch her suffer for those two horrible years.

[llisa]

Continued from above (I hope)

She became a social worker, a foster mother, a wife, and now she and her husband are adopting a gorgeous, baby girl. And I am managing to NOT channel my mother and try to tell her how to raise her--unless I am asked. Then, of course, I am quite happy to put in my two cents.

[Eli Davidson - Huffpost Blogger]

Dearest llisa,
I am so deeply, deeply moved by your story. The way you and your daughter have stood up embraced your life is such a story of hope and inspiration. Your heartfelt sharing is something that is so important for other reader.

"This isn't the life I had planned, but if this is the life I get, I am going to do it as well as I can."

Those are words of wisdom for us all.

Thank you! I hope that you will share your insights more often.
Best,
Eli Davidson

[tuscanman]

Dear Eli,

First of all, major kudos for the wonderful column on Jamie. I know the experience of getting to know her through her family, friends and writings was both uplifting and sad for you. Your column reflected her incredible attitude on life and people.

Secondly, I applaud your response to the dunderheads who responded so thoughtlessly and heartlessly. (In case they don't understand Dutch, that means "dunce and blockhead, but I'm sure they get the point.)

I guess I must have had a Mr. Mouser for science too, because that's the only way I can eat my bacon: I order it crisp and dry and it has to pass that balance test for me. I wish it is as easy to achieve balance in my life. I could just order it up to give me balance. "One large serving of balance; make that a double"

I don't always succeed, but I try very hard to live according to those questions you posed. Those cretins feel they have to be in control of everything, even what people eat. What a rude awakening
when they wake up from their coma and discover we can not control anything in our lives. We only live to create great circumstances so that when "stuff happens:" it is, more often than not, good stuff.

Your biggest fan,

Ron

BTW, I eat lamb and veal too, so I suppose that would really freak out your bacon-hating police!

[Eli Davidson - Huffpost Blogger]

Dearest Ron,
What a very blessed person I am to have you as my biggest fan. You have the unique combination of depth of heart and the ability to use the word dunderhead with great ease. How lucky am I to have the support of such a great fellow.

What a blessing that you instinctively know not to eat soggy bacon. AND that you have the great good sense to live your life with integrity and balance.

Your Biggest Fan,
Eli

[adjam]

HI Eli,

You amaze me...I have printed the bacon test and put it on my mirror because since my world has been turned upside down I will need to be reminded of a few things now and then... Jamie would have loved the article becasue it is so true..... especially Can you respect a person you disagree with. She did that with such great ease and believed in it so much.... I thank you for sharing your insight and once again using Jamie as your source. Love to you. Janet (Jamie's mom)

[Eli Davidson - Huffpost Blogger]

Dear Jamie's Mom Janet,

YOU amaze and inspire me! It is such a great honor to have the the precious gift of sharing my view of your beautiful daughter.

She does our world proud.

Love,
Eli Davidson

[MerhabaAbi]

HI Eli,

I like your Bacon Test. The 2nd question I had a hard time with (Do you need to be in control). I believe that control is an illusion. We can work to great levels of discipline within ourselves and we can exert influence on people and our environment, but none of us has control. Anyhow, that's my two cents.

I understand your frustration over the heartless posts and share your pain. But you did yourself proud with your restraint and got right back to working on your peaceful state even with tumultuous emotions roiling. Good on you and take care.

Peace,
Little Brother

[Eli Davidson - Huffpost Blogger]

Dearest Little Brother,
I am so blown away at the depth of your wisdom. Control is such an illusion- even though I forget many a time!

I look forward to hearing more from you.

Blessings,
Eli Davidson

[Davia King]

There are several points I love about this blog and the themes going on. I really see two different things here, the first is tolerance and the second is learning to accept where you are in your process of life.

[Eli Davidson - Huffpost Blogger]

Hi Davia,
I would love to hear more about your thoughts on tolerance and acceptance!

Love,
Eli

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

Excellent! graceful, loving response. I am so inspired to see that you were indeed able to look inward at where your response was sourced. I had a similar response when I saw those comments. I think you handled this brilliantly! Thanks for setting the bar high!

Jason

[Eli Davidson - Huffpost Blogger]

Dearest Jason,
I was so touched that your loving USM energy was applied to the comments while I was in school. It was so kind and generous of you to get involved with comments. They weren't even on your column...and you still contributed so profoundly. (I thought of your email as well!)

I am always grateful to connect with you!
Eli

[BitterSpiritualist]

Another magical Friday morning with Eli Davidson. Thank you for your beautiful post. Tears of gratitude for Jamie's love and wisdom were my response to her gifts.

It's easy to throw darts in the dark. It must be nice to have it all figured out, to sit on a pedestal judging who's right and who is wrong. To live and love boldly, accepting people where they are, that we are all doing the very best we can in each moment, that takes courage and strength.

I don't pretend to be in either place or perhaps I'm in both places. I'm a simple fellow who is very large, if anyone wants to discuss how wrong it is to eat Miss Piggy and how right it is to throw darts, I'd be happy to give them my address and eat a pulled pork sandwich with my foot on their throat. Again, I am learning and loving, someday I'll let ignorance and hypocrisy roll off my shoulders. Today is not that day, so far.

Jamie inspired and touched me deeply. To her, to her family and to you I give thanks and gratitude. And to this day, to this morning filled with love, wonder and a splash of anger, I am so very appreciative.

I need to work on my balance, far to much energy did I give to the vipers, far too little to warriors of light.

With an open heart and open mind,
The Bitter Spiritualist
www.bitterspiritualist.com

[Eli Davidson - Huffpost Blogger]

Hey Bitter!
I always look forward to reading your comments. Each week you share such vivid ideas and images that I always walk away refreshed.

I just hopped on your FREAKING BRILLIANT BLOG. (The URL was different, but I found it.)

www.bitterspiritualist.blogspot.com.

I love, love. love hearing your perspective!!!

I AM YOUR MEGA FAN,