The end of the 30-year-old Space Shuttle Program is old news, but every layoff hits every worker and every family hard when the pink slip finally comes. And a new round of layoffs is scheduled for October.
The folks who lose their jobs at the Kennedy Space Center have a special burden that those at the Houston office don't. In Texas, alimony is limited to three years after a 10-year-long marriage. In Florida, family courts are heavily biased against men, and much of the alimony that's doled out, even to women in their 30s and 40s, is permanent. There's an industry of attorneys who only represent men, including Mens Divorce Law in Orlando. It's the boys vs. the girls from the get-go, and the prevailing attitude is that men are sugar daddies and women are helpless.
Ninety-seven percent of alimony payers are men. In rare cases in Florida, when women are ordered to pay alimony, it's invariably short-term.
Walking papers in hand, laid-off workers must return to divorce court, plead for relief in their alimony payments, and hope against hope that it's coming. It helps to show up with a lawyer, and it helps to expect the worst. A judge told a petitioner several years ago that he should have been saving money for alimony in case he lost his job.
One laid-off worker already filed court papers. What should be an ordinary adjustment escalated once his ex-wife claimed that he, a lead engineer on 100 Space Shuttle launches, quit work voluntarily. Her lawyer is demanding three years of pay stubs and bank statements--and threatening to plunder his 401K for her legal fees. He fears the worst; he declared bankruptcy after his divorce. His attorney wanted--and got--$10,000 up front.
For him and other payers, there is no automatic end to or reduction in alimony, even at retirement, even when the payer is disabled or retirement is required, as with airline pilots. Couples divide marital assets, including pensions--or judges divide them, often giving women more than half--and the payer is expected to work forever or use his assets to pay alimony, even though the ex has gotten her fair share. A payer's new wife can even get embroiled when the ex-wife makes a claim on her resources.
Payers are afraid to tell their stories because they're ashamed, don't want to hurt their children, and because going public might hurt a court case.
Last year, the Florida legislature made a few changes in the laws, and cut down on the wholesale awards of permanent alimony to all, but did nothing to protect people who want or need to retire, and nothing to help the thousands of payers already burdened by crushing debt, with no light, ever, at the end of the tunnel. This year, a grassroots organization, Florida Alimony Reform, is pushing for real change. Opposition will come from the Florida Family Bar, a powerful force in state politics.
Florida citizens - and certainly those who served the Space Shuttle so well - don't deserve to be punished twice, with job loss and another expensive, unnerving trip to divorce court.
As the Space Shuttle sinks, Florida's alimony wars are set to soar.
This appeared originally in the Good Men Project magazine.
Elizabeth Benedict is a novelist, journalist, and college essay coach who wrote the Boston Globe op-ed that ignited the reform movement in Massachusetts. For a copy of the op-ed, please send an email: info@elizabethbenedict.com.
Bottom line straight guys - DON'T GET MARRIED OR COHABITATE WITH A WOMAN.
The legal peril that you place yourself in is outrageous.
If you want to have children, hire a surrogate - you'll get to keep your children until they reach the age of majority. They won't be used as a pawn or a paycheck. The cost of some very fine East European surrogates is very affordable, and much cheaper than a marriage, divorce, alimony, and child support.
A man can return to the life he had before he was married. It is not the same for a woman, she is older, which may limit everything from childbearing to dating options, now has children making her emotionally and economically vulnerable; to expect her to just pick up and find a job that can realistically meet the needs she has had for the last so odd years is just unreasonable. While it would be nice if women were adequately economically rewarded for all they do, there is no reason to "reform" laws and punish some women will not or cannot live in the feminist denial fantasy that men and woman are exactly alike and have the same needs.
I am a volunteer divorce "therapist" I am not a therapist, I just help people sort through their emotions, post divorce.
Lifestyles change post divorce. This is reality. One woman I am trying to help is about to be completly screwed over by her ex. She was married for over 20 years, several children in the house, has never worked, in her mid-fifties, husband makes over $100,000.
Settlement; $400 a month alimony for four years, and $800. a month child support.
BTW the husband took money, deposited on a new house and is planning on foreclosing on her house ("buy and bail"). Her attorney advised her to take this offer.
Yes, she will get half of the 401K. There is not enough to have a house.
So, a woman in her mid-fifties in poor health is expected to get a job and support her children.
The man left her. She is completely devastated.
Let the hating begin.
Wow, sounds like torture. Where can I sign up for such a "screwing"? Will she have to pay for back rent, food, and car expenses?
Why does not having to work entitle exes to more money? Do painters get more money if the job was easier? Thousands of Americans are dying violent deaths, due to these archaic laws. You sound gender biased, MB. Try reading Irishdoc's story below, and see if it changes your view. Unfair is unfair. Women should not get married with the idea of lifetime support unless they have it in writing. It is an indication of how biased our courts have become that a pre-nup should now be mandatory for any male getting hitched.
I am a man and my ex totally screwed me over. I don't agree with people getting screwed over. I am trying to argue that it is not always black and white.
This woman didn't work, because of poor health and a decision to keep her home. She was a military wife, and they were always moving. She was faithful. Now he has decided to move on. Why does she deserve to be thrown into poverty?
First of all, the Florida Family court system is not gender neutral, although the courts went to great lengths a few years ago to give that outward appearance. That exercise simply consisted of reviewing statutes and rules to remove words like “he” or “she” and replace them with words like “they” or “them”. This was just a behind the scenes pencil whipping exercise and nothing changed in the actual courtroom. Proof of this is that virtually no women have been court ordered to pay life time alimony in Florida in spite of that many of them are high income earners. I am sorry Ms Swanson, but the Florida family court attitude is still stuck in the nineteenth century where women did not have much opportunity. The statue needs to be brought up-to-date in order to be fair to everyone and to stop the unbridled judicial discretion that has lead to wildly inconsistent orders in the state of Florida.
My question to you Ms Swanson is why would you be against updating the law to be fair to everyone? Could it be that you benefit monetarily due to the vagueness of the law?
What is his ex-wife's side of the story? No article seems credible without the other point of view.
This is the problem with permanent alimony: the recipient is never obligated to support him or herself, and when the circumstances of the payer change, through no fault of his/her own, the recipient is completely dependent and is never required to become independent. We don't make children dependent for life; why do we do it to adults?
FYI, alimony is very rare throughout the country, and permanent alimony is rarer still. Most states support transitional alimony, not permanent. Florida, NJ, GA, and MA are outliers.
And my real beef, is why is any alimony even constitutional. I don't care how much I make, how does my future income become the property of someone I now despise, and am suppose to be legally seperated from? It's ludicris. It is guaranteed to promote violence, as the only way out for most is if their ex was to die. Divorced men have a suicide rate twice the national average. It's just not good law. It actually turns marriage into prostitution. What do you call a woman who charges you money after you're finished having sex? An ex-wife.
Thanks again for caring. I do hope you find peace.
Also, Florida divorce law is "no fault," which means that alimony is awarded regardless of the faults of either party. So there is no "wronged" party. Yet you refer to the "wronged" spouse. A woman in Florida may commit leave her marriage for another man and be awarded permanent alimony. Who is wronged here?
Also important: A new provision of the FLorida law says "An award of alimony must not leave the person paying the alimony with significantly less income than the person receiving the alimony – unless there are exceptional circumstances." That's extraordinary! Why does there need to be this law? It must be because sometimes in FL the payer of alimony is left with SIGNIFICANTLY LESS than the recipient. The payer, who must work and give away a chunk of money until death every month, is sometimes/frequently/whatever left with LESS THAN the person getting the money, who is not obligated to ever become self-sufficient! Who is wronged here?
All because I got married.
I am so sorry. I am a dad of a very smart young lady who wants to be a doctor, so I am especially touched. Please hang in there. A lot of people need you. If enough of us get the word out, perhaps justice will one day be restored. Be tough. Thanks for posting.
The amount of an award of alimony is left to the sound discretion of trial judge who has the benefit of seeing the actual evidence of the payee's needs and the payor's ability to pay, and has actual evidence about the parties' lifestyle.
I really wish when I see stories touting some terrible alimony result that the reporter would contact that wronged spouse's ex-spouse and get that person's side of the story. I am sure it would be eye-opening. I have reviewed stories posted on the alimony reform website in an attempt to try to find the actual court cases of any of the posters, and have been unsuccessful. People don't give their real names, or their full names, so it could be anybody posting, or the same person posting over and over.
So, here's a challenge to actual journalists - try to get both sides of the story. Then, you'll really have a story, rather than an advertisement.
Cynthia Swanson, Divorce Attorney in Gainesville, Florida
The Judges DO NOT CARE about the payor's ability to pay.. They just "impute" a monetary figure to the payor and in his words "pay or go to jail". When one man recently went back to court to try to get the amount of alimony lowered due to the effects of the economy, the judge stated "there's nothing wrong with the economy, don't tell me you're not making money and I don't believe your tax records". What planet is he living on?
I have no doubt that the florida judges are the same. WHY is the question? Is the divorce business so lucrative to the state ? All I know is that the payor's rights are not respected and nobody seems to care. People are not responsible to support their parents or their siblings but they are held responsible for someone that they were married to for a few years and for one reason or another have decided to divorce (usually it is the woman who files for divorce knowing that she can collect alimony). There is NO reason that a grown woman should not be required to support herself.
I have a hundred questions I would like to ask you, but if you would please honestly answer just a couple, I think people will be enlightened as to the "gender-neutral" aspect of Florida law.
As we all know, what is actually implemented by judges in the courtroom is often different from the reading of the letter of the law.
- Please tell us, HONESTLY, how many female clients of yours are paying lifetime alimony? How many men?
- Please tell us, in your HONEST opinion, whether the courts are truly gender-neutral in their application of the alimony laws. Don't quote the law, tell us whether, IN YOUR ACTUAL EXPERIENCE, the laws are applied equally and fairly to men and women.
Thank you.
In Florida, courts can easily distinguish between a short term marriage where both spouses work, and maybe one only needs a short bit of help to get a new place to live and pay for moving expenses . . .and a long term marriage where one party stayed home for many years and has no presently relevant education or work experience. The former will not be awarded permanent alimony. The latter probably will be, assuming the payor spouse can afford to pay alimony.
In my 30 years of experience in the North Central Florida court system, I can HONESTLY say that the alimony law has been applied in a gender neutral way. Maybe you should all move to Gainesville. Go Gators!
I have 2 Teen dau's and they see and read the news, know how men get treated in Family Court, or women getting away with killing their kids. Until the Field is leveled for both Gender's there will be no equality and men when given a chance will never give a woman a fair break.
I know it's wrong to say these things, but Ladies Helen Gurley Brown and Gloria Stienem did you no favors. You want the same opportunities and chances, and a level playing field at work, you need to help us get rid of the laws and judges that bleed a divorced man dry and deny him his children. Until them be prepared for any action a guy can get away with