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NFL 2009 Season Week 10 Picks

03/18/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

This is a tough one to call. We really need it. The Chargers really
need it. We're both at 5-3, running second in our respective divisions
and definitely in the playoff hunt (if one can even talk about that as
early as week 10). Total offense? We're ranked 15 -- they're 17. Total
defense? We're 10 -- they're 11. DMac? #9 ranked QB. Know who's #10?
Philip Rivers. They do have a pretty significant advantage when it
comes to offensive line -- they're 17, we're 23, but we're both in the
bottom half of teams, and our QB is significantly more mobile than
theirs. Oddly enough, they hold the advantage on passing, and we do on
rushing. (Good job, Andy and Marty!) We hold a significant advantage in
take-aways -- #2 versus #12. Their pass defense is #5, we're #12. Our
rushing defense is #10 (really? check us out!), while theirs is #26
(ouch!).

So what does that all mean? Diddly. We don't have a
good record going west (see below re: Raiders game). If Marty &
Andy can stick close to a 50/50 rush/pass balance AND our D can pick
off Philip Rivers (and he has thrown 6 INTs so far this season), maybe.
But I think the Chargers are going to win this one.

Bears/49ers.
I know the game's already taken place, but I did call the 49ers -- I
swear! The cab dropped me off from the airport just before kickoff, and
one of the first topics of conversation was the game. Chef Spouse was
all, "This should be an easy one for the Bears," and I was like, "No
way! 49ers have this one!" And I was right! Jay Cutler may not be the
problem (jury's still out), but with 5 picks last night alone, 2 in the
red zone, he's definitely not the solution.

Falcons/Panthers.
The Panthers have been looking less pathetic in the past few weeks than
they did in the first month of the season. But they're not that much
improved. They still have Jake Delhomme under center. Falcons.

Bucs/Dolphins. Dolphins. Hope the Bucs enjoyed that 1 game winning streak.

Lions/Vikings.
Is there a mercy rule in the NFL, where if one team is ahead by, like ,
50 points, they call the game? Because if there isn't, this game will
demonstrate why there should be. Vikings.

Jets/Jaguars. Jets.
Like I said, poor Maurice Jones-Drew should really get himself to a
good team before his career is over. Most running backs make it about 5
years before they really start to decline (see Westbrook, Brian). He's
in his 4th season. Just sayin'.

Bengals/Steelers. I am so
looking forward to this game! I know the Steelers are my AFC team, but
just last week I jumped on the Bengals bandwagon. I guess that means
I'm calling Bengals.

Saints/Rams. You know what I said about
the mercy rule above? If the Vikings whupping of the Lions doesn't
argue convincingly for it, this game will. Ouch. Saints. Who will
probably score 1,265,493 points. Before halftime.

Bills/Titans.
The Titans finally seem like they might be getting their groove on.
Also, it's hard to pick TO's team anytime except when they play the
Pats. Titans.

Broncos/Redskins. Oh God. Yet another game that
will require the invocation of the Snarkin' the NFL Mercy Rule.
Broncos. Do you think Jim Zorn will quit in disgust right on the field
before the end of the game?

Chiefs/Raiders. Worst Game of the Week. I'm picking the Raiders, but honestly, who cares?

Seahawks/Cardinals.
Divisional games are always wacky, the teams know each other really
well, as do the coaches, any given team any given Sunday, blah blah
blah, yackity smackity. Cardinals.

Cowboys/Packers. Oh, I so
wish the Packers would take this one, but I really don't think they're
going to. Cowboys (you have NO idea how much it pains me to type that).

Patriots/Colts.
Go Colts! Go to 9-0! Beat the Pats! I actually think they will. Peyton
Manning is on f-ing fire this season. Colts.

Ravens/Browns. I
know I already said this, but why the hell are the Browns on Monday
Night Football? Seriously. Ravens. Also, don't bother to watch this
game. It's going to SUCK.

On bye: Texans, Giants (who, on a 4 game losing streak, have been grounded and had their X-boxes confiscated)