06/15/2008 09:32 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Maverick! The John McCain Theme Song

For years -- or is it centuries? -- we've been hearing that John McCain is a "maverick." We know it must be true because all the mainstream media say it, and the reason the mainstream media say it is because it must be true.

Still, two questions remain:

1. What is a maverick?

If you ask me, by which I mean, the American Heritage Dictionary, it's "an unbranded or orphaned range calf or colt, traditionally considered the property of the first person who brands it." (!!) Or, alt., "a horse or steer that has strayed from the herd," which is to say, "one who refuses to abide by the dictates of his group; a dissenter."

2. Why doesn't John McCain, the maverick, have a theme song?

Now, at last, he does, as follows. But first, for readers either too young or too old to remember the original, go here.

Yes, that one, from the great (if memory serves) show starring the incomparable James Garner as Bret Maverick, a roaming professional gambler too sensible, or vain, or lazy, or something, to willingly play the hero, but who somehow always ended up doing so anyway. It was half Western and half comedy and totally fun.

But that was then. This is now:

Strolls through a Baghdad market square
Maverick is McCain
Five helicopters in the air
Soldiers all around him
Tells us it's no strain.

Sunni or Shia, he don't care
Maverick is McCain
Long as the troops are over there
It's not too important
How long they remain

Givin' the rich their breaks
Lettin' the poor eat cakes
It's economics that he can't explain
Family smeared by thugs
Then he gives Bush some hugs
Maverick is the legend of McCain

Questions if condoms block disease
Maverick -- that's McCain
Best way to stop them s.t.d.'s?
Teach i.d. in science,
Keep sex from the brain.

Held Jerry Falwell out of reach
Maverick -- yeah, McCain
Then gave a nice commencement speech
Praise for Hagee's backing
Turned into disdain.

Overturn Roe v. Wade!
Keepin' them lobb'yists paid!
Gays wanna marry, let 'em go complain
Talkin' straight, true and blunt
Callin' his wife a cunt
Maverick is the legend of McCain
Maverick is the legend of McCain!

Crossposted at What HE Said.