Two Guys From the Garbage

Pappagallo: Do you think you're the only one that's suffered? We've all been through it in here. But we haven't given up. We're still human beings, with dignity. But you? You're out there with the garbage. You're NOTHING.

First the not-at-all discredited, widely-praised-for-being-right-about-everything William Kristol gets a gig on the Times op-ed page, then--

No, wait. I'm thinking of Billy Crystal, the guy from City Slickers. It's the other Kristol -- the entirely discredited one, the smirking beneficiary-of-nepotism who was wrong about everything with regard to Iraq and can't wait to be wrong about everything with regard to Iran -- that the Times (in the person of another beneficiary of nepotism) saw fit to grant a weekly column.

And now this:

Like the naïve shmuck I so frequently am, I turn on CNN to watch its report about the just-completed New Hampshire primary, when what to my wondering eyes do appear, but two of the most hideous clowns the right has to offer (from a world-class all-star lineup of clowns).

First: Ralph Reed -- college plagiarist, Ghandi-hater, Young Republican election manipulator, recipient of a command by the Holy Spirit (in a D.C. bar) to "come to Jesus," Abramoff crony, Indian-tribe deceiver, humper of corporate accounts, and collaborator of those protecting sweat-shop wage slavery among women in the Northern Marianas Islands (where the conditions of employment include such benefits and "perks" as forced abortions and forced prostitution), yes, Ralph Reed is now one of CNN's election commentators.

You heard me. Baby-faced Ralph, chatting and chortling with Anderson Cooper and analyzing his little heart out vis a vis the numbers and the implications. Ralph Reed, the very poster boy for the morally compromised and the smilingly untrustworthy: We thought, to our openly-expressed relief, that at least he was finished. But no. He's back, and CNN's got him.

But wait, there's more. Chuckling merrily beside him and twinkling as only he can, none other than virtue maven and self-parodying hypocritical moralist and former (supposedly) gambling maniac William "Bill" Bennett. You may remember him from such inspiring, instructional, and holier-than-thou tomes -- yes, tomes, because Bennett is a sage and doesn't traffic in mere "books" -- as The Book of Virtue and The Moral Compass.

You may also remember him from such articles chronicling his, um, devoted pursuit of casino gambling as this...in which we are informed that "documents provided to The Washington Monthly put his total losses at more than $8 million."

I don't care, and you don't care, whether or not Bennett gambles and how much he wins or loses. It's when, after a long night working the $500 slots, he goes home and writes, in a book purporting to teach us (for our own, and the nation's, good) this: "We should know that too much of anything, even a good thing, may prove to be our undoing...[We] need ... to set definite boundaries on our appetites," that one rather begins to lose a) one's respect for the man, as well as b) one's lunch.

Still, arguably, so what? A Republican Party without a constant and prominent supply of people who say one thing and do another would be unrecognizable to the human eye. "How true," the reader thinks. "But wait -- didn't Bennett also say something noteworthy on the radio once?"

Yes, he did. He said, "you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down. That would be an impossible, ridiculous, and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your crime rate would go down."

Glad he aired "both sides" of that proposition: crime rate goes down/morally reprehensible. Of course, you could abort every white baby in this country and the crime rate would go down, too. In fact, you could abort every white and black baby, and the crime rate would go down even more. It's a choice. I'm just sayin'.

This, America, is who CNN is paying good money to "analyze" the election. A highly compromised right-wing p.r. slimeball and religious operative, and a self-satisfied, pompous gasbag-hypocrite directly out of the pages of Moliere, Dickens, and Twain. (I know. I've said this before. But I must keep saying it, because nobody listens.)

Sweet Jeebus, CNN, is that the best you can do? Are there no "conservative" commentators in this great nation of our country other than the beamingly repellent, the almost-indicted, and the smugly dishonest?

It is, alas, a rhetorical question. Then again, it may have an answer, and the answer may be, no. You read the right-wing blogs, the National Review online (and its psych ward, The Corner), The Wall Street Journal opinionizers, the Heritage Foundation propagandists...

What is it like, the current state of rightist discourse and "conservative" commentary? I'll tell you what it's like. It's like The Road Warrior, with us inside the fort and the others -- the Jonah Goldbergs and the David Frums, the Kathryn Jean Lopezes and the Peggy Noonans, the Mark Steyns and the Michelle Malkins and the Michael Medveds and others whose names begin with "M," raving and marauding out in the sands, biting the heads off wombats and flinging rusty old exhaust pipes like spears over our walls and sticking out their tongues at our women and children and roaring up and down the dunes and braying about "character." Meanwhile, back at base camp, The Humongous (Rush Limbaugh) and his catamite (Ann Coulter) drive each other into a sexual frenzy with fantasies of waterboarding Ruth Bader Ginsberg.

And when, for respite, we turn on "America's Most Trusted TV News Source Because it Supposedly Isn't Fox," we get Ralph Reed and Bill Bennett -- twice the alliteration, for twice the insult to what's left of our intelligence.

Thanks, CNN. You've given me one more reason not to turn on the tube.

Back to the blogs!

Cross-posted at www.barbel.wordpress.com

Comments

[WorkingClass]

Stop bitching about the corporate media. Know that it is a tool of the oligarchy and an enemy of the people and turn it off. I never watch teevee. Never. I feel much better thank you. Why do you continue to support and indulge that which is clearly harmful to you?

[larry278]

It would be difficult to clone William Buckly. That is what the neo-cons need.

[maninla]

Huh? What?

Every post on here is referring to a lily-white media, completely devoid of color & diversity.

Is it possible that that is what the problem is?

[sturgis54]

OK, all you "the main steam media is left-wing and liberal" kooks out there... how many more pieces of evidence do we need that you have won the war by badgering Big Media to scrape the gutters for the most loathsome, morally compromised so-called "conservative" voices they can find to "prove" their objectivity. This is not news; it's the freak show at the country fair. I tuned by CNN on Tuesday night, saw Ralph Reed (WTF??? Ralph Fricking Reed!!!) and the always appalling Bill Bennett and couldn't turn away fast enough (of course, by turning to MSNBC, I got the now almost totally deranged and objectively compromised Chris Matthews trying to find some way to trash HRC's stunning victory). But, as Mr. Weiner points out in this piece, its not about trying to find a "true" conservative commentator, if such a thing exists; we live in an age where Springeresque mud wrestling is what people settle for as "objective" news coverage. We live in truly dangerous times for the future or our nation and yet so many of our fellow citizens form their "opinions" about candidates based on purposeful distortions, outright lies, an paid-for spin doctoring by hacks and cranks who shouldn't be allowed on some small cable access channel, let alone CNN (MSNBC, etc., etc.). Does ANYONE running the news operations at these so-called major cable networks have ANY integrity, fairness, or objectivity in their souls?

[desmirl]

The party of the moral majority is neither moral nor a majority. The reason these ethically-­challenged people amass power and wealth--and seats on television panels--is that too many of those in the center and on the left have adopted the philosophy of "go along to get along" because they don't have the heart or energy to keep fighting. The Authoritarian Personality Disorder types will always be with us, and they will always present a serious challenge to operating a sane society because they have the 'moral' strengths of their insane beliefs.

[goofticket]

Having these two on TV, will only show voters what a bunch of complete morons run the GOP.
They will destory the neocon movement, by making some idiotic claim regarding race, gender or some faked claim supporting Bushie.

They will only reinforce what voters know....
... a time out from the Republicans.

[jackstraw005]

ok all this did was pop another question into my feeble mind. i will wait, however til i can ask it in the proper way. (hint) right wing babblers, who is and is not a journalist, billo, hannity, etc.

[Beatitudes]

I was going to take the time to comment here about how these creepy people have big macha publicists who are tight with the producers of CNN, CNBC, et al and they make deals at cocktails parties, but it's been a long few days because Mama is sick again, being down with bursitis in both shoulders, and Daddy he got Alzheimer's and I have two jobs to support my three kids as Harry lost his job at the pig processing plant down off of Socket Road. I'm sure glad we both have college educations.
So, you see, I was really interested in what these people had to say about the elections and what is going to happen to my country and when all our young people were going to stop dying in Iraq and when all those houses for sale down the street maybe would sell for my friends who lost their mortgages...Well, I'm real sorry to burden all of you with my problems, but maybe you could write me or check out my ramblings some day 'cause I'm real interested what these high-paid people have to say. Well, I got to go now because the phone is ringing again and I hope it's not one of those polling people again. I'm just too tired right now to give them my opinion for the uptenth time. They don't seem to listen anyway. My throat is sore and I'm just trying to find my voice, even though I keep listening and listening. So any help you can give me would be very much appreciated. Que le bon Dieu vous benit, as my Grandmere used to say.

Lyn LeJeune- The Beatitudes Network-Rebuilding the Public Libraries of New Orleans, The New Orleans Chronicles, "When Ignatius J. Reilly Worked at The New Orleans Public Library and I Went Crazy at the Port-O-Call," The Beatitudes and The New Orleans Trilogy - all at www.beatitudesinneworleans.blogspot.com

[medievalfeast]

Thank you, Ellis.
Boy Ralph is human ipecac. Smug human ipecac. Beamingly repellent for sure.

[slamkitty2]

What do you expect from a network that lists Abortion and Same Sex Marriage and not Healthcare as "Issues 2008" on their "Election 2008" website? Might as well go full tilt crazy and watch Pat Robertson.

[csavage]

I stopped watching CNN when they let one of their hourly teleprompter readers call Democrats "al Quedacrats" The sad thing was, nobody apparently cared. I've come to the realization I live in a country of chest-puffing ignoramuses who prefer to be told what to believe than to think critically, especially if it makes them stick out, because, heaven forbid someone call you out as a terrorist sympathize­r....Letti­ng someone practice their first amendment rights will surely lead us down the path to hell.
George Will is a great commentator, he was realistic about the war and Dubya's blatant abandonment of fiscal responsibility long before it was popular to jump ship. Because he is a conservative. The neocons you referenced spouting their bile are just that, neocons....
When the RNC gets rid of their Taliban wing that's been controlling the party for the last twenty-five years, I will go back. Until then, I value privacy too much. And I'm a poster child for what the RNC wants, a white, married, heterosexual professional....BUT until the RNC learns to stay out of everybody's bedrooms, then they are not worth my time...oh, and figure out it's more fiscally prudent to have a single-payer healthcare system...

[krocklin]

Personally I'ld like to hear Abramoff's view on the economy from the conservative side over at CNBC.
Now there's a guy who know's a shellgame when he sees it.
And maybe Bernie Ebbers on the stock market (and pension funds).
Tom Delay, Duke Cunningham, David Safavian all should be heard.
And too bad Ken Lay couldn't be around to comment anymore on "Wall Street Week in Review".
And CNN should hire Rumsfeld while he is still out there to impart wisdom on military matters for the viewers.

[realpolitic]

Honest conservative commentators are an endangerd species, although they probably do not believe in the Engandered Species Act. For instance, otherwise reputable icon of the right George Will casually dismisses global warming with a wave of his hand. I wish life was so simple that each of us could choose what to believe and what not to believe and thus thinking it would make it so. I would then choose not to believe in poverty, in hunger. Perhaps they then would vanish.

Pat Buchanan tries to be honest, but many of his views regarding government secrecy and executive privelege are scary, not to mention his rabid anti-immigration arguments. The only honest voice on Fox is Juan Williams and he leans toward the liberal point of view.

I agree that Ralph Reed should be doing commentary from jail, perhaps on prison conditions. Then make him do thousands of hours of community service on an Indian reservation.

The most insidious thing the conservative movement has sold gullible networks is this idea of "balance," where there most always be a conservative commentator, no matter how disreputatble, speaking on every panel. Someday the Weather Channel will have conservative commentary on weather patterns.

Note to networks: We already know the conservative point of view (they are against it!) and they are largely filters for disinformation into the public discourse. Conservatives themselves have proven this pattern time and time again. Shame on CNN!

[nbb1956]

Ellis, You're right! One has to wonder. The NY Times hiring a misinformation guy like Kristol brought their paper's credability down a few more notches and seeing the hypocrite Bennett along side of a guy like Ralph Reed who Dante would expell to the lower rungs of hell for his actions of deceit, greed, and abuse of his position by fleecing the less fortunate is unbelievable---this guy on CNN---"For Shame" NYT & CNN

[indypete]

What are you complainig about? Pay attention... the media is LIBERALLY BIASED! Jeez, don't you ever watch Fox and get the truth? (Note to the irony-impaired... the words are not exactly what I mean).