According to Wikipedia, the Fifty Shades of Grey series "has sold over 100 million copies worldwide and been translated into 52 languages, and set a record in the United Kingdom as the fastest-selling paperback of all time." Not only has it introduced many people to the world of kink, it's given them a lesson in how not to write. And if a lack of literary merit didn't slow down sales, well, at least people can learn about the elements of style while being turned on by the elements of sadomasochism.
1. Avoid repetition of words and phrases.
When Ana first meets Christian Grey, she thinks she spots a "ghost of a smile" in his expression. That's a nice, descriptive way of putting it -- it's easy for the reader to imagine. The problem is, James uses the same exact phrasing only a few pages later, for the same character. And that's not the last we hear the term "ghost of a smile," either -- it pops up a few more times in the first book. Using something so specific again and again just comes across as lazy.
2. Use adverbs sparingly.
Anastasia Steele never met an adverb she didn't like, especially when it's modifying the way she or another character speaks: "I mumble almost inarticulately"; "I murmur apologetically"; "he murmurs softly." (For painfully excessive use of the word "murmur" throughout
, see rule #1).
3. Don't use substitutes for the verb "said."
The
characters rarely just "say" something, they
whisper
it, they
breathe
it, they
moan
it, they mumble it, they
murmur
it,
ad nauseum
(see rule #2, and then rule #1). One of Elmore Leonard's
is this:
Never use a verb other than "said" to carry dialogue. The line of dialogue belongs to the character; the verb is the writer sticking his nose in. But "said" is far less intrusive than "grumbled," "gasped," "cautioned," "lied." I once noticed Mary McCarthy ending a line of dialogue with "she asseverated" and had to stop reading and go to the dictionary.
4. Be accurate.
There is such a thing as creative license, but E.L. James's should be revoked. Like driving, creative license is not a right, but a privilege, and should be used responsibly and with the utmost care. For example, the author creatively personifies Ana's internal struggles over various situations as two polar-opposite people living in her head: a sex-loving, open-minded, free-spirited, back-flipping "Inner Goddess" and a careful, cautious, judgmental worrier called her "Subconscious." Cute, but what Alanis Morissette did to the word "ironic," E.L. does to the word "subconscious." To quote Inigo Montoya from
The Princess Bride
: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." If it were truly Ana's subconscious guiding her, Ana would not be aware of her -- that's what the whole "sub" part of that word means:
not
conscious! Similarly, there are a ton of British anachronisms in a story about American characters living in American cities with nary a funny Mancunian sidekick to rub off on them. James even includes an apology at the end of the third book for including a scene so preposterous that it defies all logic and law -- that's when you know you've abused your creative license.
5. Don't worry about the rules of writing.
E.L. James didn't, and look where that got her: laughing all the way to the bank! The most important thing is just sitting down and actually writing. As long as you do that -- ideally with passion and conviction -- then there's a chance (albeit small) that you can ignore rules 1 through 4 above and still be a success.
If you liked Fifty Shades (despite the writing), you'll love 150 Shades of Play, our how-to companion piece to the popular trilogy! Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.