On March 23rd, 2010, President Barack Obama signed the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act into law. As the changes called for in this law are rolled out, it is important to know how this reform will affect you and your family. Test your familiarity with this historic piece of legislation by taking this short quiz.
Will the law allow government panels to make end-of-life care decisions for the elderly on Medicaid?
A. No, but you can tell your parents that they do so they don't think you're the one that wants to euthanize them
B. No, but it will mail them increasingly pointed reminders of their own mortality and, eventually, a giant vial of morphine and a stuffed bear holding a balloon that says "Bye-bye!"
C. Yes, and the definition of "elderly" will be changed to mean "anyone over 25"
Which of the following will not be covered by law under the PPACA?
B. "Love doctorin'"
Will the law take away the health care you currently have through your job?
A. The what I have through my what? Your question makes no sense
B. Our company's policy only covers Band-Aids and a daily clove of garlic to "ward off stuff," so God, I hope so
C. No, but it will give my employer the right to take away my morning Danish, and slap me in the face with it
Will birth control be covered under the PPACA?
A. Yes, but only after they develop a male Pill.
B. Yes, but only after submitting to a lecture and slide shows of advanced-stage syphilis
C. Who cares? Abstinence is free; I'm not paying for you to be a slut.
The new law will impose a penalty on individuals who fail to eat broccoli. True or False?
True, unless you can prove an allergy to broccoli, or if you really, really don't like it, even after you tried three bites, yes, three, I'm not lying, Mom.
False. The tax is on failure to eat enough kale.
Have you ever tried to buy health insurance privately?
A. Dude, it is fucking impossible.
The PPACA will require an excise tax on "Cadillac Plans." Who is responsible for calculating this tax?
A. The employer
B. The dealership
C. I THOUGHT YOU SAID THIS WASN'T A TAX, KARL O'BAMARX
What is this rash on my hands?
A. The first sign of your Ultimate Transformation
B. Punishment Rash
C. Eczema, Jesus, would you stop whining about it already?
D. Those are not your hands
The term "Obamacare" carries a faintly pejorative air. Why is this? I'm sorry - why is this, haters?
Here is a voucher for a ticket to any developed country in the world. Please visit one and return with a description of the horrors that government intervention in health care has wrought in the lives of its citizens.
Please outline, in 500 words or less, the basic tenets of socialism and why you think the PPACA is even remotely related to it.