There are several types of men who have difficulty committing and while they vary in intensity, they all have common fears and similar characteristics with different ways of expressing their phobias. No matter what type the Commitment Phobe may be, their behaviors are equally devastating to the women who love them.
The Unconscious Commitment Phobe
The unconscious Commitment Phobe is the most common...and the most deceptive. He is also the hardest to recognize. This guy truly believes that he wants marriage, commitment and everlasting love. He has no idea that he is his own worst enemy, sabotaging anything good that comes his way. He categorizes himself as picky and unwilling to settle. What he does not realize is that perfection is impossible and while there are always other prospective love matches around the corner, they are usually no better or worse than the woman he has right in front of him.
The Conscious Commitment Phobe
The conscious Commitment Phobe typically knows he is putting on an act in the beginning. He truly enjoys the woman he is pursuing, but has no intention of staying with her until the bitter end. He would much rather play his odds and bet on the one who opens her legs first. This guy knows he is not fit to commit and would rather remain single and have his pick of the litter for the rest of his life. The conscious Commitment Phobe can sometimes be honest about his fears, making him respectable.
The Married Phobe
The Married Phobe loves a challenge and he lives for the thrill of the chase. This particular guy is the one who cheats on his wife, perhaps joins a singles website, watches mass amounts of pornography, ignores her pleas for communication, shuts her out and generally has a hard time looking her in the eye. The Married Phobe feels that there must be an issue with his attraction toward his wife because he can't quite seem to figure out why he wants to sleep with the entire Sports Illustrated summer spread.
The Married Phobe can drive his wife up a wall for years with his pushing, pulling, cheating, shutting down and walling off. Worse yet, on the other side of the Married Phobe is the "other woman," who waits for him to leave his wife, sometimes for decades. This guy simply can't commit to committing one way or another.
The Long Distance Phobe
The Commitment Phobe is pretty good at long distance relationships. The most problematic of them enjoy having two lives: one with you and the other with someone else who may be reading this. Never quite trusting his own inherent instincts and feelings, the Long Distance Phobe has difficulty with decision-making. Therefore, he would rather have two lives in case one doesn't work out or he gets bored. The woman who is far away is usually the secondary character in this guy's love life.
His partner gets her relationship oxygen from the Long Distance Phobe's empty promises of visiting. But no matter what the promise, his idea of long distance is to keep it that way.
The Dating Site Phobe
After months of coercion from your friends to "get out there," you reluctantly sign up on the hippest new dating site, create a profile page and upload your cutest photo, all the while gripping a bottle of merlot. Swipe left, swipe right...it actually seems fun at first!
After a hot minute, an attractive man hits you up and comments on your eyes, hair or the fact that you have a cute little dog names Josh. Willing to look past his ridiculously perverse profile and the long drive, you holler back with a quick quip. You get along famously and things go from texting to sexting to questioning to disappearing.
After a few weeks, you pack up your imaginary children and wonder if this guy was married, a compulsive liar, an egomaniac or all of the above.
The Multi-Phobe is like the Don Juan of Commitment Phobes having a posse of women from which to choose. He is usually the one who never becomes "Facebook official." He will simply lie about why he keeps his status a secret saying, "it's silly" or "I don't want to hurt my ex's feelings." When a woman discovers that she has been involved with this type, she usually convinces herself that what they had was real and the others were simply secondary characters in their relationship. The truth is that the Multi-Phobe has a "no discrimination" policy and it's first come first serve.
The Instant Phobe
This guy is the one who is already mentally packing his bags right as he approaches you during last call. If we are aware, we can look back and see tiny snap shots of a faster than lightening affair off in the distance. This type of Commitment Phobe is like a bowl of sunshine. He is the one-night-stand from the bar, the guy you talked to the entire night at your best friend's wedding or the charming man you made out with in the bathroom at the club on Saturday night. Okay, so some of this was your fault.
No matter what the type, in order for him to change, walking away is usually the best wake up call for the Commitment Phobe.
For more information, check out The Commitment Phobe...it's not you, it's him on Amazon.