THE BLOG
08/08/2014 02:22 pm ET | Updated Oct 08, 2014

Why You Need to Stop Using LOL. Right Now.

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The acronym LOL (laughing out loud) began as an efficient way to express amusement during internet communication. It has become so prevalent that it has found its way into not only the Oxford Dictionary but, dare I say it, everyday language. Nothing is more irritating to me to have a seemingly intelligent person replace a perfectly good chuckle with "Lolz!"

Now, in my mind there is only one acceptable way to verbalize the sound "LOL" and that is with the legitimate word "loll."

Loll: Intransient verb meaning to act in a lax, lazy, or indolent manner. For example: I can't come to your baby shower because I planned to spend that day lolling on the couch whilst watching trash TV and eating decidedly unhealthy food.

What if you get really cracked up and start LOL-ing uncontrollably? People will think you are a turkey or are exhibiting the early signs of a stroke. And who doesn't laugh out loud? I guess you could use Laughing In My Head (LIMH) which would make you sound like a crazy person.

There is a perfectly good alternative which mimics a sound a human would actually make and that word is "HA". HA has so many wonderful variances that you just don't get with LOL.

Ha! -- Express indignation, disbelief, or the lesser used "I challenge you to a duel."

Ha ha! -- Express mild amusement or sarcasm. Ex: Ha Ha! Sure I think you can get away with wearing skinny jeans.

HA HA!! -- Use with capital letters and double punctuation to express extreme amusement bordering on disbelief. Ex: You actually wore skinny jeans in public? HA HA!!

Heh Heh -- Variation of Ha which replicates the sound of a chuckle indicating mild amusement but more likely annoyance. If you are unsure of its usage, add "You're an asshat" to the end of the statement for clarification. Should clear the intention right up.

(Ha x 2) ∞ -- Means "Can't stop laughing". For those who passed basic algebra and like to lord that over those of us who had to take "Human Endeavors" instead.

BWAH-HA-HA -- Means "I just expelled liquids because that was so funny."

And the list goes on ...

Please, for the love of all that's good and holy, stop the nonsense. We've overcome this problem before and we can do it again. Remember saying things were "radical" or "rad"? If you said that now, the Homeland Security people would be all over your ass in no time. The time has come to bring the HA back into our lives.

Because everyone loves a good laugh!