Confessions of a Digital Marketer

I work in marketing.

Bill Hicks rant aside, it’s a job I love.

But marketing tactics sometimes make me crazy.

Wondering whether my peers sometimes felt the same, I asked industry groups on Inbound.org and Reddit to list their marketing pet peeves, and the boards lit up with responses.

“Marketing tactics sometimes make me crazy.”

So, whether you’re like Hicks, and you think marketers are devils’ helpers, or you’re like me, and you believe it’s good to let people know about exceptional products and services — I hope you’ll enjoy reading this summary of the feedback received (and maybe even chime in with your own opinions in the comments below).

Marketing Magic or Deceptive Hype?

I asked one open-ended and seemingly innocuous question: “What are your marketing pet peeves?”

That’s it.

It was as if the floodgates opened to release long-pent-up frustration within the marketing community.

So many people contributed ideas that there’s no way I could provide attribution. Rather than quote individuals, I categorized the information (see below) and let the remarks morph into common flows of disgruntlement and glee.

Please note: I’m not saying I agree with all the sentiments expressed. I’m just pointing out they’re real and abundant within the marketing community.

Marketing Tactics We All HATE — Crazymakers Extraordinaire

LEAD GENERATION AND LIST BUILDING PET PEEVES

1. Asking me to fill out the same info every time I download content. When someone returns for another article or whitepaper, use autofill and stop frustrating your visitors.
2. Using worthless content with great titles to get opt-ins for your email list. If you put potential customers through the friction of opting in, then make sure the material they get for giving you their contact information is way beyond worth it.
3. Getting visitors to opt-in to your email list, then bombarding them with off-topic information. Don’t make me feel like a shill. Make me feel like you care about me.
4. Turning the CRM (customer resource management) plugin or tool on high and dropping the personal touch. Customers know what comes from a robot and what doesn’t. They want to do business with YOU, not with your autoresponder.
5. The phone mill calls as soon as I download your content or attend your webinar. Worse yet, the salesperson calling is difficult to understand and seems to place zero value on my time. If you call me, make sure both the call and the information you provided is amazing. If not, go listen to the Hicks rant again.
6. Making my phone number a required field on your opt-in form. It’s exactly because of #5 that I don’t want to give you my phone number. Earn my trust first. Show me how incredible your company is first. Then ask for my phone number.
7. Making false claims about research you’ve supposedly conducted on my company. Example: “We’ve reviewed your website and found 26 ways we can make it more effective.” You may have plugged our URL into an online site analyzer or grader, but that’s far from conducting the in-depth review you want me to believe you’ve done (or are capable of doing). I can smell you a mile off.
8. Using annoying pop-ups and other tricks to get me to opt-in to your mailing list in order to keep reading. Guess what: You just convinced me to leave your website entirely and never return. Show value and I’ll subscribe. Hassle me and you can kiss my mouse goodbye.
9. Automated messages that miss big chunks of information and serve only to show me how inept you are. Automation is fine, when used to benefit the prospect. Automation is horrible when it treats everyone the same and blindly fires from multiple triggers or in mismatched time sequences.
10. Serving up your opt-in box or asking me to join before I’ve even viewed your page. If you use tools to present the reader with an opt-in request, then learn how to use the timer. Nobody wants to get accosted immediately upon entering your domain.
11. Exit pop-ups that want me to choose “No, I don’t want to be a millionaire today” before I can leave the site. Give me a break. Get real. You’re making me want to agree with Hicks.
12. Forgetting that many of your visitors will view your page from a mobile device. Get with the times, man. If your content is difficult to view or your stupid pop-ups are so huge they can’t be closed via mobile, you’re losing business daily.

CONTENT PET PEEVES

1. Writing hyped-up headlines that promise the world and deliver nothing. Do you know how irritating that is? If you don’t have it, don’t brag about it. Otherwise, you’ll NEVER get my business.
2. Clickbait and “Ultimate Guides” that waste my time and deliver nothing of value. Marketing Bible Rule #1: If you promise it, do it.
3. Doing a poor job of regurgitating something you’ve read somewhere else. If you don’t know what you’re talking about, don’t say it.
4. Slideshow articles surrounded by ads that make me work hard to figure out what to click to see the information. Let’s see, could it be that your real goal is to get me to click on your stupid ads?
5. Ebooks written by content-mill writers who should never have attempted to write a book in English. I don’t call that an ebook. I call it spam.
6. Spelling and grammar mistakes that tell me you don’t care enough about your content to proofread and edit. You want me to think you’re a professional… so ACT like a professional.
7. Gurus, ninjas, rockstars… everyone who hypes themselves to the moon. Let others brag about you (once you’ve deserved the accolades). Please don’t tell me how wonderful you are. Let me find out by experience.
8. Fake reviews. The world is full of them. Let’s try something novel: speak the truth. Or how about this one: deserve good reviews so you don’t have to pay for them.

EMAIL PET PEEVES

1. Newsletters. Banal newsletters that serve only to remind me that I need to unsubscribe from your list. If you send me something — anything — make it worthwhile. (Not worthwhile for you, but worthwhile for me.)
2. Manipulative subject lines like, “I’m waiting on our call now, are you joining?” If you lie and try to manipulate me right from the get-go, why should I expect any different in the rest of your message?
3. Not honoring my opt-out request or attempting to trick me into clicking the wrong button when I try to opt-out. Do you think I’ll want to do business with you if you keep hounding me? The next stop for your mail is the spam trap.
4. Always deliver on the promise made in your subject line. You may get me to open your email with clickbait headings, but that’s the last time I’ll open your email. There’s a word for people like you: liars.

ADVERTISING AND VIDEO PET PEEVES

1. Serving up banner ads that scroll with the page. There’s no better way to tell me you’re really in business to get ad clicks not to provide valuable information or help me in any real way. Goodbye.
2. Pages so loaded with ads I can’t tell what to click to get what I’m looking for. I keep clicking on ads I don’t want to see. Hicks was right. There’s a special judgement reserved for those who do such things.
3. Stupid ads designed for stupid people. OMG, has the world disintegrated into this? It all started with Beavis and Butt-head. That much, I’m sure of.
4. Making outlandish claims there’s no way you can back up. Counting on adjectives to sell your deplorable schemes.
5. Autoplay videos that either play on entry to the site or wait and fire off while I’m trying to read something. Pushy, pushy, pushy.
6. Placing advertising breaks in the middle of YouTube documentaries. Do you think anyone likes those? Check your stats. Is earning three bucks a month in ad revenue worth alienating your audience over?
7. Irrelevant ads as gatekeepers to YouTube videos. Well… irrelevant ads tell me you don’t have a grip on your platform. Why should I trust you?

BRANDING PET PEEVES

All 31 of the preceding pet peeves can tarnish your brand and keep would-be customers from embracing your brand. Branding is like loving. You can’t trick someone into caring for you (for long), but you can act in ways that make yourself lovable.

1. Leveraging tragedy and current events to your advantage. If you’re truly concerned, show it deeply and show it often. Don’t hop on publicity bandwagons and ride them from one parade to the next.
2. Being pushy. Pushy is out. Relationship is in. Come to think of it, I don’t think anyone ever liked push sales tactics. Nobody but out-of-touch sales managers with dollar signs for eyes, that is.
3. Patronizing your target audience. First, they can see right through you. Secondly, they don’t like being “targets.” They want to be recognized and appreciated. Why not try genuine concern? What a novel idea!

Marketing Magic or Deceptive Hype? You Be the Judge

Some of you may be offended by the insinuations I recorded. Others are thinking, “That’s exactly what I think.”

Whichever camp you’re in, there’s still time to jump in on the conversation. I’m not laying down any rules here. I’ve only been the messenger.

“Should marketers police their own industry and band together for the honor of the profession?”

Should marketers police their own industry and band together for the honor of the profession? Or are we doomed to see spam overshadow smart marketing so badly that the government has to join forces with Google to keep the spammers and scammers at bay?

It’s your turn to talk.

I’m listening.