Never too late to learn. Five teachable moments.
Mothers are supposed to prepare you for life. They are, after all, our first line of sight. Our relationship with our mother is a bond that started way before we were born and goes back generations before our lifetime.
Deep, huh?
Whether you realize it or not, it’s a cycle that repeats itself every day and every minute. I don't think it's on purpose, but most mothers don't know how to tackle some of the most sensitive female topics every daughter should know. Instead of fluffing out little girl tutus and preparing for womanhood, most of us are self-taught.
Things are changing though.
The new digital age has introduced a swarm of information on just about any topic. With just one click, any information on any possible question is readily available at any time.
This new information and digital age is helping me realize that women can totally identify with the awkwardness and embarrassment they felt at different points in their lives that left us dumbfounded or helpless. Everyone can relate, including those from a wicked religious household, an old school traditional family, households with working parents, or those living in a culture that forbids or avoids sensitive discussions. Not having the critical conversations about womanhood or hearing those often important cryptic messages we often end up having to decode on our own, or subjecting us to scare tactics to keep us in line all end up making us vulnerable and subjecting us to a sense of feeling less empowered.
It was Oprah Winfrey who once said, “Things that happen in your life are not wasted unless you let it be wasted.”
Let’s face it. Most of us are too shy, nervous, or embarrassed to ask sensitive female questions to our mothers. To save face, we instead default to a safe place — our girlfriends.
Thank goodness for girlfriends, right? OMG. It makes me feel wonderful that I had a sisterhood of friends to rely on with all these same feelings and interactions where we defer to a safe place to ask questions without any filters or judgement. In order to make better informed decisions, women want to know what’s normal from other women. It’s a domino effect. In the end, you minimize the mistakes and increase the ‘aha’ moments.
Here’s five real-life teachable moments from daughters:
1. The Infamous Sex Talk
There were no birds and the bees. She had some extremely awkward conversations about her sex life that she didn't want to have especially since she never got "the talk." She was raised mostly by the internet.
2. Her First Bra
She dragged her mother to the department store to buy a training bra. She staged the whole trip by scoping out the store days in advance to pick out the lucky winner. No words. Her mother was embarrassed. There was awkward silence. She just picked up the two bras and cashed out at the register. Now she can have the pleasure of having her bra strap pulled by the boys in school. For the first time, she got fitted for a bra. It was an eye-opening experience. You are doing yourself a disservice as a woman wearing the wrong bra size. Start early.
3. Shaving
She deserved to know how about feminine hygiene. She noticed during college that everyone’s legs were smooth. She liked that better. She saw both black and white girls shaving their legs. She said, okay I think I’m gonna do that and she just did. After that, if stubble started to grow, her legs start getting irritated. She shaved every part of her body probably every other day in the shower.
4. Tampons:
It was her girlfriend who introduced her to tampons. She never used one until college. How did she survive being a cheerleader from 5th grade to 12th grade and with her menstrual cycle? She always wore pads. Her mom did not expose her to tampons or anything like that. Then in college one of her girlfriends told her, "You should try tampons." She thought, "How do you even know where things are to actually put it in?" Her friend kind of told Her, "OK, this is what you do, blah, blah, blah," over the phone, and so she got them. After the first few hours she said, "This is not as comfortable as you said it would be. I don't feel as comfortable.” She's like, "Well, walk me through the steps of exactly what you did?" She told her friend she opened the wrapper, removed the tampon, inserted the tampon, pushed the stick, and that was it. She said "What do you mean that was it?" That's what you told me to do!" She was like, "Well, part of that is actually supposed to come out."
5. Menopause
Not there yet, but some girlfriends are starting to show symptoms or taking natural remedies or hormone replacement therapy. This one. We know this train is reaching the end of the tunnel, but you got to nudge your girls for the information. A few months ago, I asked my own mother about her experience. Looks like this daughter is doomed for night sweats. Sigh.
Every woman has a story to tell. (Bust out a Beyoncé song and “put your hands up”) Name something your mother or your girlfriend did tell you that has stuck with you to this day. Share your most embarrassing teachable moment in the comments below. Save yourself so many years of self-doubt and uncertainty with these tips called, The Friggin Truth - What Every Girl Should Know in Her 20s. You can download this FREE e-book by clicking right here.
Nina is the founder and host of Keep it 100 Girl, an internationally known storytelling podcast which discusses how to empower women and men to have open conversations about their lives with no filters. When she’s not on a beach, she resides in the Washington, DC area.
Her latest project, What Your Mother Didn’t Tell You, But Your Girlfriend Did, is a book series for women to find their superhero strength based on real life personal experiences from women of all ages and stages of life, who reveal what they are thinking, but not saying out loud. If you’re too shy, nervous, embarrassed or even fearful of puberty, sex, love, female body, and dating you’re in the right place. We’ve made a lot of mistakes from our fifty shades of cray cray. We’ve all made decisions based on not loving oneself which sometimes resulted in bad choices. It takes us a while, but we eventually learn that mistakes and failures are a part of our sisterhood journey. Click here to be notified of her book launch.