Loving You
By sharon Blake
“I love me," is a term that I have recently learned to accept fully. I love me means I will forgive me, I will fight for me, and I will take care of me first. Oh, how we would love to take ownership of all of these affirmations! We can, but it will take some thought work. If you begin to allow yourself the opportunity to believe in you then you can choose to love oneself fully. When was the last time that you gave yourself the time to think about only you? Can you get to the point in your life that you can say, "It is ok to put the love of me first?" Can you remember the last time you woke up and said, "What do I want today?" When was the last time that you penciled yourself in on your schedule to do only what you want to do? It is imperative that we begin to love ourselves as much as we value the love and acceptance of another.
I started digging more for the truth of me; I wanted to know why I was the way I was and where did I get this toxic thought life? I found out that I was taught to think these negative core messages, “get what you can get and don’t complain, do your job and do not question anything and you will get paid, stay under the radar.” Learning these toxic core belief system messages kept me stuck in my false identity that had an underlying message that told me I was less than equating to, nothing. I started to write down who I was at the time and what I found out was that I did not like myself. Researching what the word of God said about who I was, mad me re-evaluate who I was as a thinker. My thoughts were totally opposite of what the word of God says about how he created me and what he created me to be. This prepared me to start to rethink how I thought about myself. The Bible says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and if this is so then I am not ugly, less than, or nothing but rather I am valuable, lovable, and beautiful. I had to take ownership of what the Bible said about who I was, and I did. See, the truth of who I really am had been hidden under pain. The pain was consuming me and I recognized that what was happening in my life was not at all what I wanted. The pain of being alone was too much for me to bear, or so I thought. Most of the individuals that were in my life at the time, I did not even like or trust, but I kept them around to make myself believe that I was accepted and needed. I did not want to be alone because who wants that. As I made myself look at whom I had become, I was horrified at first and then feelings of loneliness tried to smother me because I did not want to be alone.
However, something inside of me kept pushing for more, it kept pulling me out those dark relationships; it kept forcing me to examine who I had chosen to become. I took ownership of the truth of me, and that was not easy. I faced the fact that I truly didn’t love me, and I went searching for real love that comes from within. God showed me what true love was through his word, and that is when the real change started to occur. As a child, I was taught about God but I never saw an authentic reflection of his love portrayed in front of me. I learned that the type of love man has shown me has nothing to do with the way God loves me and how I should love myself. So I started on this journey of finding out who God was and while on this journey I found out who I was. My thoughts had begun to change, and now I am starting to think, “Wow, can I love me past me?” “Can I love me past my mistakes, shame, and guilt of what I chose to do in my past?” Yes! Yes, I can and yes I do. Loving yourself requires you to forgive yourself and others for abuse, shortcomings and the neglect of you. I started to become concerned about my mental well-being as God does and through God’s word I have been able to change my old negative, toxic core messages that played in my head into new healthy messages full of love, life, and beauty. Now I love me, and now I am free to love others in a healthy way.
Repeat this affirmation with me:
Today I will be tolerable of me. Today I will allow myself to make mistakes. Today I am ok, I am good, and I am great! I will celebrate me; I will celebrate the love of me because I Am Beautiful.