Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Not all domestic violence is physical. It can be an emotional, economic, or sexual abuse which may includes threats, intimidation, isolation, and a variety of other behaviors used to maintain fear, intimidation, and power. Domestic Violence is often called Spousal Abuse, Woman Battering, and Wife Bashing.
No one is immune to domestic violence, whatever the area of origin, the color of their skin or their religion; all women may one day be confronted with this reality. It has its roots in a desire to dominate the other. It must be understood as a cycle, a succession of events, some apparently insignificant and others more serious.
Over time, outbreaks of violence are becoming more frequent and unbearable. The abuser tries to justify his actions. He often explains his actions as an external problem, such as stress, alcohol, unemployment or tries to make the victim believe she is guilty (she asked for it) and often time the victim believes.
What is most insidious in domestic violence is that it embeds itself in a love relationship, often women live in hope that the situation will be resolved. At some point, the abuser is aware of his actions and regrets; He promises to change and tries to regain the love of his partner with gifts. The violence will stop and everything will be fine until something goes wrong and the cycle begins again.
Where is the law?
In 1994, Congress passed the “Violence against Women Act”. This Act and the 1996 additions recognizes domestic violence as a national crime but abusers are not often arrested if abuse is not physical or sexual and if they do, they are soon released and they often go back to abuse the victim even more.
Stopping the Abuse
It may take a long time to recognize the abuse and finally put an end to it, but unfortunately the best way to end it is to leave. Most times family and friends are not even aware of the abuse. The victims are left alone and what about the kids? It is a mistake to think that kids are outside the situation and are not affected by the violence. They can be affected when they see and also when they hear it.
You may feel alone and helpless. This is the case for most women who are abused. But if you want things to change, you have to act, even if you are afraid. It will probably not be easy, but keep it in mind that you are not alone. There are people willing to help you along the way.
Many women who have to make these choices have decided they do not deserve to be abused and left the relationship temporarily or forever. This is a difficult decision, but everyone deserves to be safe and to be respected.
The Decision to Leave
Most women have had to leave their homes in crisis more than once.
But it is not necessary to wait for the situation to be critical before ending an abusive relationship.
You can choose to leave the relationship temporarily or forever. It is a decision that will be very difficult. For most women going away is a solution that will suit them, because this shows the attacker that the need for change is a serious matter. They soon find out that the promises of change are futile, the violence continues and the only way to stop the violence is to end the relationship once and for all.
When women finally decide to put an end to violence and they take refuge in a shelter, it is often quite a shock. They are disoriented, and need to be accompanied and supported to understand exactly what happened to them. Often they do not even know they are victims of domestic violence, and it’s that information that they need.
It might be helpful to talk with someone you trust or someone from the local transition home. These people can give you support. You can also call them. You do not have to give your name.
Is Return Possible?
There are lots of cases where victims are afraid to go back to abusers and most times when they do the abuse continues even more dangerous than before and this is where 50-75% of homicides occur. It is however not uncommon for women to decide to return to their family home for various reasons. When this is the case, the intervener’s shelters are trying not to be judgmental and treat the situation with great delicacy.
I know a victim, what should I do?
We happen to think that a friend, colleague or relative is a victim of domestic violence. Here are some behaviors that need to be noticed; does the person avoids explaining why she is sad, anxious or depressed, does she drinks more or take tranquilizers? Have you seen the physical injuries?
When you see more of these behaviors; you need to care, show yourself available, mixed with the feeling that we all should be involved in the fight against domestic violence. It is a societal problem becoming more epidemic and we must all be united to put an end to this menace. Remember it’s about our kids, it’s about our Women, and it’s about our future.
Need help? In the U.S., call1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for the National Domestic Violence Hotline .