We are all good girls... aren't we?
I went to watch the special screening of the Good girl show and that triggered a slew of thoughts in my head.
We are seeking validations and social approvals all the time.
The pictures that we put up on Facebook have to have the perfect Instagram filter. They need to be flawless and spotless.
Our Facebook albums show a life that we don’t even have. The nails freshly manicured, the face looks like we’ve just got a golden glow facial done, and hair silky smooth… Because imperfections are not for good girls.
We think a hundred times before posting a status because what if it upsets someone? We do not want to be offensive you see. We’re good girls.
We live among judgmental pricks and when we’re not being judged by someone, we’re judging them.
“Look at that black dress she’s wearing. Doesn’t go too well with those dull grey stockings, I tell you.”
“She needs to melt that fat and sculpt that butt to carry those skinny jeans! Right now it’s looking bizarre! ”
“Whew! My nose is a bit tilted and stout. How I wish it was lean and straight! Should I get a plastic surgery done?”
Does that sound familiar?
We take up aerobics or yoga because football and martial arts are men’s sports - they are tough, they need us to push the limits of human body and that’s not what our core area of strength is.
No, it’s not that we’re delicate flowers but what’s the fun in pushing the limits?
We bawl our eyes out if a spanking new pimple pops up at the center of our cheek. That looks so bad; the fear of inadequacy raises its head with a snide remark.
We don’t step out in the sun for long because we can get tanned and Mom won’t like that. We respect her opinions, you see.
We’ve aced the art of perfect makeup that hides those spots, eye bags, wrinkles, blackheads, whiteheads, acnes, patches. The list is endless. The truth is no one gives a flying fig, but we do!
We like to wear stilettos to the parties even if those heels kill us and give us sore feet.
Good girls need to look a million buck ALL THE TIME. Being comfortable in our skin, in our body and wearing flat sneakers to a party is so tomboyish - not good girlish.
We compare, we compete, and we look into the mirror, hold our breath and crave for washboard belly! We wear tummy tuckers to parties because bulging tummies are so ‘not normal’.
Looking flawlessly perfect is totally our cup of tea and cookies… and Nutella.
We don’t dance at parties if we think we’re fat. What will people think? We’ll look like the ugly duckling among the swans.
We don’t let anyone make fun of us – we don’t want to be juried and judged.
We hate to become a laughing stock in a group or at a party. It takes the air out of our wings, we get grumpy and we call it ‘mood swings’. We take ourselves a little too seriously and that’s a part of our identity!
We’ll commit suicide or lock ourselves up in the room if we don’t score well. Good girls are supposed to be great at studies; they can’t flunk or fail because there’s no life beyond that for them.
Good girls don’t risk stable jobs to experiment with their life.
They don’t sign up for comedy shows, they don’t go for poetry slams - these are risky professions you see.
We’re supposed to have a nice, well-paying job till a defined age, else who will marry us?
We don’t raise our voices because good girls are quiet, humble, polite, sort of introverts, and always so sweet.
We don’t talk about rejections, failures, break-ups, goof-ups, fuck-ups and heart breaks openly because WE ARE GOOD GIRLS.
We don’t upset ‘people’ because we are good girls, right?
We don’t hang out with guys because ‘people’ have crass opinions about them. We don’t drink at family parties because guess what! What will ‘people’ think?!
We’ll lose our individuality but we will not upset those ‘people’ of ours.
And then what happens?
We don’t talk about physical molestations, rape, abusive relationships and/or being bullied at home, in the school, in college, at the work place or on the roads.
We continue to survive in a broken marriages just because good girls are not separated, divorced or should be fighting legal battles.
The concealer that hides eye puffs stops showing its magic. The eyeliner that makes those pretty eyes look even prettier smudges every time we apply it.
The truth is: We lose who we are to become acceptable in the eyes of the society and conveniently choose to become mediocre. And hypocrites too.
Now, is that what I want to be? A ‘good girl’? Is that what YOU want to be?
This is a letter to all those girls out there who’re ready to smash those feelings of inadequacy, the fear of not being enough and find their fire. I hear you. I know you. I have taken all those decisions that were a manifestation of my self-doubt and I have regretted each one of them.
But it’s time we accepted our flaws, our imperfections and stopped believing that makeup or stilettos or tightly toned calf muscles will change our life.
None of this will.
It’s time we stopped taking ourselves so seriously and folding ourselves into a ball of misery and pity.
It’s time we jumped out of our cocoon and talked about what holds us back, what troubles us and what keeps us from becoming who we were born to be- TRUE ROCK STARS.