You feel distressed by the violent relationship in which you live, you stay in that relationship because you are afraid to be alone, and I ask you: do you prefer to resign yourself to that violence instead of empowering yourself to find freedom? I know that it is not easy for you, you can't imagine that freedom is possible. Basically, this is because the feeling and the belief that "you do not deserve anything better" has been engraved on you. You may have spent your whole childhood growing up in an environment that taught you this, so it Is very familiar.
But let's look at this. If I were involved in a violent relationship, for example, I would be happy to get away. Why do you prefer to suffer? Why do you prefer the permanent tension, that level of fear, and that example as a way of life for your children? This is all sustained by a feeling that we deserve nothing better and the fear of being unable to face the unknown. This begins inside you, because if you believe that you deserve the best of the best in every situation, you would have the courage to change this and to free yourself. You would discover that the source of unconditional love for yourself is inside you. I know that's what you want. In this way, you will have your own permanent and loving companionship guaranteed, and because you have yourself, you will never be alone again.
Now you are really alone, now you are being silent about what happens, masking and hiding the violation of your own physical and emotional well-being for fear of change, now you are completely abandoning yourself. But you will see that if you choose to face that fear, that paralysis by opening up and embracing a life of freedom, you will even create a loving reflection in your external mirror, if that is what you want.
But first you must find yourself, because the only thing you can find externally now is - you not loving yourself - and the external mirror will continue to reflect that. That is why, you must find that violence, that resentment, that unworthiness within you and love it. You must love it without conditions, to heal it, to fill it with love. In that way, you allow the past to dissolve and you melt away the pain.
You must love that place where you are begging for love, in which you want to be with another no matter the consequences, as long as you can avoid being alone with yourself. I know that place, I used to stay in very mediocre relationships, not violent, but not at all good, because I could not be alone, I did not consciously believe that I deserved love. I did not know it, until I went deep inside myself, with feeling, and realized that I could use that as an opportunity to totally love myself, which I did. In this way, I came to create the steps of the system I teach today. I learned it first through my own experience and that is what I am sharing with you.
So, lovingly, you can begin to change by going within, by feeling, and beginning to say, "Yes, I am deserving." Slowly, lovingly, just as you would like to be treated in reality. And then you can tell me what happened.
Isha Judd is an Australian humanitarian spiritual teacher based in Latin America, author of “Love Has Wings” and “Why Walk When You Can Fly?”. Watch “Why Walk When You Can Fly?” on itunes. Her website is www.ishajudd.com. Watch more movies and inspiring videos at isha.tv
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