In my first post, “Unleashing the Brain’s Greatest Power: The Power of Choice”, my goal was to present a simple model of how the brain is divided into two parts: the reptilian brainstem (B.S.) which is a primitive, fear based, system that creates “fight or flight” anxiety whenever we encounter what we believe is dangerous; and the human cortex, which is a more evolved, rational, thinking-based system that can regulate the anxiety created by B.S. fears.
The awesome power of choice is unleashed when we use our thinking cortex to make healthy decisions, rather than living life to “flee” from B.S. anxiety.
In this post I want to provide a deeper understanding of how the brain functions by looking at the relationship between our beliefs, desires and the power of choice. If I’ve done my job, you will have a tool that makes the choice to pursue healthy desires a rewarding opportunity rather than a frustrating impossibility.
To start, beliefs are an individual system of rules that dictate behavior. Beliefs can be introduced at any time; however, psychological beliefs about oneself and the world are primarily solidified in childhood when we are little reptilian brainstems running around, melting down, and pleading for ice cream.
Since the brainstem does not have the ability to think, beliefs are naive, fixed, and rigid. Beliefs combine to create what I call a child’s individual “religion.” Religious beliefs then become “commandments” when children learn following the belief makes them safer, while ignoring the belief puts them in danger.
In contrast to brainstem beliefs, human desires such as the concepts of liberty and the pursuit of happiness are based on complex thinking, morality and judgment. Desires, therefore, live in the human cortex, which functions well beyond the capacity of the childlike brainstem.
Though related to beliefs, desires are not defined by rigid rules, and do not result in fear if they are broken. That’s why no one says, “You really shouldn’t break that desire or else!”
Beliefs and desires interact in the brain the same way the thinking cortex interacts with the reflexive brainstem. The brainstem will create anxiety if the desire goes against what a B.S. belief keeps us safe.
So what should win: beliefs or desires?
The very first story of life found in Genesis gives us a guide.
As I learned in Hebrew school, Adam and Eve were placed in a utopian paradise. The rules: Believe in God and never eat the Apple from the Tree of Life, which was also known as the Tree of Knowledge.
Alas, there was a snake that tempted Eve to eat the apple, and with one bite the original sin of succumbing to desire thrust a once happy and naked human race into the world of pain, turmoil and worst of all, clothing.
To me, Genesis is a story that comes from the “genesis” or the most basic tenet of human psychology: the sanctity of belief and the evil of desire.
It’s also fascinating the forbidden fruit hung from the Tree of Knowledge, which for the purposes of this discussion means the desire to pursue and acquire knowledge is the greatest risk to a fixed belief. The caveat is; taking risks is inherently dangerous, therefore going against the belief and pursuing desire will create anxiety.
To give an example of how going against belief creates anxiety, in Judaism, “believe it or not” it is a sin to write God’s name. The rule is, it must be written G-d as a sign of respect.
Even though I think this “rule” is nuts, it is so deeply embedded in my brainstem, I felt a surge of anxiety for pursuing my desire to write God (Again, another surge of anxiety that feels like my stomach is falling through my feet).
So how would knowledge help?
First, it is really hard for me to imagine a benevolent God who will determine my eternal fate based on the insolent act of placing an “o” between the letters G and d. That said, I also know anxiety will fill my body when I break the G-d rule and write God. However, the more I write God, the less anxiety I experience each time (actually right now I’m pretty calm, until of course I get a call from my mother when she sees this sacrilege).
In the same fashion that we adjust to cold water in a pool, anxiety decreases when we continue to challenge what we believe is dangerous. This is called accommodation, which is why you cannot be anxious forever.
I hope it’s getting clearer that anxiety will be at minimum when healthy beliefs and desires are aligned. In contrast, if a healthy desire goes against a B.S. belief, anxiety will be high until you challenge the belief.
For example, if you “desire” to go to the store, and believe your car works, then going for the drive should be pretty stress-free.
However, if you believe your car is unreliable and might stall on the freeway, then your brainstem will be “running on overdrive”, anxiety will be high and you will be scanning the gauges to ensure you are safe. If you get there safely, then you will likely “believe” you lucked out.
But what if the negative belief about your car, much like a negative the belief about yourself, were wrong? That would make all the anxiety, fear and the interpretation of survival by luck ridiculous.
In my practice (and in my own life), I would estimate about 90% of people’s beliefs about themselves and others are complete B.S. and contrary to the desire to lead a happy and healthy life.
Common examples of B.S. beliefs about oneself are: “I am inadequate, unlovable, weak, evil, a monster, destructive, bad, etc.”
Similarly, B.S. beliefs about other people, such as, “all people act like cruel people in your past, they are merciless, nasty, punitive and will hammer you for the slightest mistake,” destroy the opportunity for real relationships.
Then what to do?
If you choose to reach healthy desires, I recommend the following:
1) Scrutinize your belief system and commandments to determine which ones are beneficial, and which ones are just plain B.S.
2) Similarly, evaluate your desires to see how they fit in with your life currently and your future goals
3) Slowly pick a B.S. belief that opposes a healthy desire and start to challenge it
4) Practice experiencing anxiety and reach out for help whenever you need it whether it be a friend, family, physician, yoga teacher or whatever will help
5) Celebrate a day filled with desire while anxiety fades into the sunset
Additionally, try and resist the temptation to argue with the belief. This strategy is as useful as a priest arguing with a rabbi about whether or not Jesus is the path to salvation. Or even more incendiary, is arguing with me that the middle is the best part of an Oreo when it is clearly the cookies.
A more effective technique for addressing a B.S belief is to use this litmus test: Share the belief with someone else. If it sounds too “crazy” to say to them, then you cannot say it to yourself and must act contrary to the belief.
For example, Mike is a young man whose commandment is; “In order to be lovable I must be obedient, selfless and never disappoint another.”
This belief has served Mike, until now as he wants to quit a dead end job and pursue his life long career desire. Not such a big deal, but with Mike’s B.S. commandment, he is terrified his boss will be enraged and ruin his future.
Before even getting to the litmus test, if Mike’s belief that he has no value is true, then by definition his boss must be an idiot for hiring him. Meaning, the very notion Mike has a job makes his original belief “crazy”.
That said, in going for the “gold” of quitting, Mike should share his belief with his boss by saying, “I have to tell you something…this is hard as I am awful and I expect you will hate me, your business will be ruined, and then you will destroy my life as I am giving you two weeks notice so I can pursue my dream of becoming a marine biologist.”
Remember, acting in accordance with desire will not immediately change Mike’s belief, but he will accommodate to the anxiety, making each time he needs to be a “disappointment” easier.
I don’t want to leave you with thinking beliefs cannot be healthy. A healthy belief is, “…if I work hard, I can accomplish more…” as opposed to a unhealthy belief, such as “…it doesn’t matter how hard I work, I’ll never get what I want, so why try!”
Which belief will lead to a happier life?
The answer should be easy, which leads me to my final key point: the healthier your belief system becomes, the easier it will be to pursue healthy desires.
In all, labeling unhealthy beliefs and making the choice to tolerate the anxiety of healthy desire is a life-long task. It is not easy, and it should not be. Evolution is a slow process that is fueled by an endless spirit for life, whereby each day will be better for you and the ones you love when you make a healthy choice.
As always, let the choice be with you.