18,615 mins
310 hours
12 days
That’s the time – 12 days of my life – I have spent thinking about food…..what to eat, what not to eat, having remorse, guilt, shame – lacking willpower, restraint, binging and purging……..
We all have a journey in life….mine has been a struggle with food. I know when it started. I was in Grade 5, not much older than my eldest son. Unfortunately, for me, it’s one of my ‘core memories’….
Dear Diary
Today I am going to go on a diet. I am going to eat lettuce and carrots.
Next entry-
I couldn’t do it. I failed. Not sure what words I wrote – I am sure isn’t wasn’t willpower but I remember feeling like I failed. I just couldn’t do it.
I remember looking in the back of magazines in middle school and high school for ‘fat camps’ I just wanted to take off the weight. I wanted to be thin. I was struggling inside, but didn’t know what to do or where to start. Then there was the comment from the a friend’s parent – “you have such a pretty face, if only you could lose the weight’. That has stuck with me……for a very, very long time.
THE WEIGHT, the fat, the worry….I don’t know what caused it….I have not experienced any trauma in any way. I think that is why I am being so open….I have just been going on diets and perseverating about food for years!!
All I know is that the amount of time I have worried about my weight, how I look and how I feel judged by others….has taken up too much time in my life!!
To be honest, it’s probably way more than 1.5 mins a day…way more than 12 days of my one and only life.
Enter – OVERWHELM…..becoming a mom is the best job in the world…I love my 3 boys to pieces and couldn’t imagine life without them……BUT IT’S HARD.
Really hard some days.
Some days I do not feel ‘good enough’….some days in the past 8 years since having children….I have turned to food to numb the feelings of stress…..in that moment of overwhelm, fatigue, and transition….food flew in like a helicopter and whisked me away – if not only a moment…..ahhh…the endorphins kicked in.
Then came the guilt and shame and the cycle repeated. Food and my relationship with it consumed my thoughts, and negatively impacted my feelings about my body.
When I left the world of Child Protection and became Fitness Instructor and Personal Trainer – things shifted for me…..not entirely – because there was still more ‘work’ to do…but generally speaking, food became a fuel source to nourish my body to keep me going – to give me energy. IT was no longer a DRUG......I had learned tools, strategies, held myself accountable, and changed my ways.
I will never forget the day one of my personal training clients say to me ‘if only I could get down to your size I don’t have to worry about the food’. I was teary – I have had to work hard, and diligently to create a healthy relationship with food. At times, I still need to be mindful of how I cope with WORRY….because for me, the OVERWHELM can become WEIGHT on MY body.
Enter Samantha Skelly and Hungry for Happiness. I am ready…I am in a place to end this madness of women, girls, teens and young women and those who are retired to END the dieting and being at war with their own bodies. Can 1 million women stop dieting by 2020 – you betcha they can!! Stay tuned to hear about how I, along with 29 women across North America and other parts of the world are going to make it happen with Hungry for Happiness!!
Can you see yourself in anything that I have shared today? How much time in your life have you WASTED with WORRY about WEIGHT. We are only here once, this is your one life…….follow me over then next 12 months while I learn about the Phoenix Formula with Samantha Skelly. BE ONE OF THE 1 Million women who learn to stop dieting by 2020. Think about your life – what you want and how bad you want it.
THINK about the young girls in your life – your daughters, nieces, granddaughters, friends, sisters, mothers, besties…….YOU could be a ripple in one rocking ocean…..that can truly change the way women think about their bodies.