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For every column and feature article I’ve sold to major publications about sex — there’s been nine that have been rejected. The almighty media presents a narrative that protects marriage, promotes vanilla conventionalism and safely houses secret men’s business.
Sexual women are painted as caricatures and female sexuality is sold to the masses in a sugar-coated box — wrapped in a pretty red bow. If you have a voice that conflicts with this narrative, you will be silenced.
If you wish to talk about female sexuality in the public sphere, it’s probably best you speak about it from a health, romance, love or girl-power perspective. Apparently this is more palatable and pleasant to consume.
The more honest I become about my sexuality — the harder it is to find media outlets with ‘the vagina’ to house my work.
Because apparently — cheating, immoral, filthy, deviant, lusting-for-cock and crude is... NEVER a woman.
At least that’s what the top-dogs with all the power want you to believe.
When I was promoting my paperback Don’t Hit Me!, I faced similar hurdles. Readers questioned my authority to write about violence against women because I also wrote about my love of being spanked and whipped during sex.
When my eBook Without My Consent was released about my journey through rape, readers questioned my authority to write about sexual assault when I prolifically wrote about my numerous rape fantasies.
Who knew that I would become an outcast amongst survivors? My voice conflicted with their narrative, you see.
The media primarily gives the microphone to voices that toe the line — voices that keep the masses under tight control, like a sedative.
And as we listen to these voices or read what they have to say, we don’t have to think much because they’re basically regurgitating a spiel that we’ve heard a million times before.
In regards to female sexuality. The same boring tales and stereotypes repeat themselves column after column, tweet after tweet, TV show after TV show...
What chance has fierce female sexuality got against all these barriers?
Are women honest enough about their ‘true’ sexual natures to reveal themselves?
And will they ever be able to accept men unconditionally for their biological inclinations?
Female sexuality is a beast that will continue to be silenced before it’s properly heard.
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Vanessa de Largie is an actress, author, freelance journalist and sex-columnist. Her work is regularly published in Penthouse Magazine, The Daily Telegraph, Maxim Magazine and The Huffington Post.