The images of Jewish school children in cities across the US walking hand in hand out of their evacuated schools in the rash of bomb and terror threats linger long after the news has moved to other headlines. I find myself wondering who the current situation challenges more, the young charges who find themselves inexplicably locked out of their locked down buildings, or those of us old enough to have historical understandings and political fears.
Children, at any age, can be traumatized by events. They can, as a result of trauma, exhibit regressed behavior, increased anxiety, depressed mood, agitation, and many other psychological symptoms of distress. Children’s response to trauma, both in the moment of horrific circumstances, and in the calm that may come afterward, is greatly impacted by how the adults around them react, both in the moment and afterward. It is a comfort to see the calm retreat from the numerous Jewish schools and agencies threatened in the past days. Adults modeling composure and reassurance in what can only be a time of enormous uncertainty and stress is so important for children’s resilience. Years ago, when Israeli children in Sderot where under almost constant missile attack, a wise educator engaged her students in learning and performing Tzevah Adom – Red Alarm, a song with hand motions that gave students a sense of purpose and control as sirens rang. Together, teacher and students practiced stress-reduction in the tense atmosphere of a bomb shelter.
I am finding that watching the current anti-semitic events unfold, as an adult, presents two distinct challenges. Children may be puzzled by the disruption of their day. They may be apprehensive about what they hear and the discussions they overhear may be beyond their full comprehension. We adults, on the other hand, have powerful understandings and unforgiving memories. Each time I see a school evacuated, I cannot help but think of other evacuations in history, times when race or religion or other characteristics were used to divide and do harm. Swastikas, anti-Semitic or other racist graffiti are distressing both for what they are and for the echoes of past danger and destruction they engender. My adult ability to make these connections, to understand history’s repetitions and consider fractious political climates, rather than make it easier, are challenging my coping skills. I admit, I am not sleeping so well. My thinking is cloudy. Yesterday, I yelled at someone who did not deserve my anger. I know I need to dig into my trauma tool-box and pull out those strategies that will support my resilience – but tried and true cognitive strategies, such as understanding the limits of the danger, being rational about the level of threat – are becoming more difficult to enlist.
My second challenge is to be the grown up. I know children need us to be the calm voices of reason. They need us to help them understand that their world is not dangerous, that we will protect them and keep them safe. I know how doubly traumatizing it is for children to experience terror and see the grown-ups around them crumble to pieces. But I am finding it harder to put on my grown-up face when world and local events have me feeling childishly vulnerable.
For both our own sake, and for all the children in our care, however, we must be the grown-ups. Even though my very adulthood means that I am well aware of the chilling realities of today’s world. I will look for ways to feel empowered and useful, as I know that is an antidote to despair. I will find petitions to sign and politicians to call. I will volunteer for security activities, if I can be of assistance. I will take guidance from the words of the Book of Esther, which Jews worldwide will read on the upcoming holiday of Purim. It is the story of how a villain seeking to destroy the Jewish people, drew lots as to the day of their destruction. When Esther, heroine of the story, needs encouragement to act, her guide explains, “who knows if it was for this reason that you were placed in this position”. I will ask myself, daily, whether it is for some purpose that I am here, being the grown up, in these difficult times. No matter how small and childlike I feel, I will remember to offer children reassurance. Not empty reassurance but the deep commitment that I will be here, always, doing all I can to keep them safe. I invite grown-ups everywhere to share with the children in their lives the truth, both painful and uplifting, that we have faced challenges before, as individuals, as groups, as races, nations, and religions. But as grown-ups, let’s tell ourselves and our children that we have always, and will once again, come through.