Editor’s note: Deconstructing Stigma: A Change in Thought Can Change a Life is a public awareness campaign developed by McLean Hospital to spark conversation not only about behavioral and mental health but also about the stigma that surrounds it. The campaign features compelling stories from people across the United States who have been affected by mental illness, including Molly’s story below.
McLean Hospital Guest Blogger, Molly A.
When the horror of 9/11 hit, I was just 7 years old. Days later, my mom, a Navy officer, was deployed.
I was so worried about her safety. My dad told me I wouldn’t stop watching breaking news on TV.
The event added to daily anxiety that already consumed me. A quiet child, I was terrified of attending school. While I was an excellent student and strived for perfection, I feared being judged or ridiculed by my peers—so much so that I missed weeks of class at a time. While my parents tried to comfort and support me, schoolmates were sometimes cruel.
Middle school was hard enough to begin with, but when I told some friends I had stopped going to school because I had generalized anxiety disorder, I was alienated.
Deconstructing Stigma participant Molly
My pediatrician referred me to a psychiatrist who suggested antidepressants. Still, my symptoms would roll in and out like waves. In addition to attending regular outpatient sessions, I was hospitalized twice. Then, a few months ago, when the hopelessness swelled, I ended up in the emergency room with an urgent plea for help.
I needed to do something. I couldn’t go on just ruminating about ending my life.
I found hope in a treatment called transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS), a therapy used to stimulate small regions of the brain. It’s an outpatient procedure performed five days a week, for up to a total of 36 treatments.
I wear a helmet and the doctors send impulses into my brain. It’s wild. I’m halfway through treatment, and I don’t feel so dark, in a way. I’m not jumping for joy, but I feel better.
I find solace in my Chihuahua-dachshund mix, Pinto. Now in my sophomore year in college, I am studying psychology and hoping to be able to use my own experience and education to counsel patients someday.
I am here because of the amazing people who have helped me along the way. I want to give back.
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Molly is a 20-year-old software student from Massachusetts. To read more about Deconstructing Stigma and to meet more people like her, visit DeconstructingStigma.org.