Fear of Authority Figures
Did you grow up learning to not trust yourself? Do you believe that others know more about what is right for you than you do? Do you find yourself afraid around authority figures?
When I was growing up, I was taught to believe that most people knew more than I did about what was right for me. Adults, I was told, such as my parents and teachers, certainly knew more. I was taught that boys knew more than girls. I was taught to not trust my feelings and inner knowing, and instead defer to others who supposedly knew more than me.
I grew up with a fear of anyone who was in authority. Because I didn't trust myself, I turned to others for validation of what I should or should not do. I spent many years seeking others' approval and advice. When I was around others to whom I gave authority over me, I was often quiet and complaint.
Today, I enjoy learning about others' points of view and I sometimes seek others' advice. However, now I make my own decisions based on my inner knowing—on what feels right to me.
Now, I run into the opposite situation—others giving me authority over them—authority which I do not want!
At all of my Five-Day Intensives, I caution the participants about not giving their authority away to me. "Inner Bonding is about becoming your own guru. It is not about making anyone an authority over you," I say to them. Yet time and time again, people hand their inner child over to me for approval, and then feel afraid of me.
Janine was sitting in front of me at an Intensive. She was trying hard to say the right thing so that I would approve of her.
"Janine, it seems to me that you want something from me, and I'd like to know what it is."
"I want you to like me and validate me."
"How do you feel inside when you are focused on getting me to like you and validate you?"
"Anxious."
"So, when you hand your inner child to me for validate, you feel bad. You gets anxious because you are abandoning yourself."
"Oh my God! I do that with everyone in authority! I always think that you or someone else knows more about my value and what I should do than I do. No wonder I am always seeking everyone's advice!"
"So as soon as you want my approval and validation, you become afraid of me, is that right?"
"Yes! Now I am afraid of your disapproval and judgment. I am sitting here sure you do not like me."
"Jenine, how can your inner child feel liked by you when you are abandoning her to me? It sounds like when you think so little of yourself as to give your inner child to me for validation, then you automatically project onto me that I don't like you. But I do like you—a lot. It is you who does not like you. And I don't think you can take in my caring for you as long as you are not caring about yourself by abandoning yourself to me."
Janine, like me, had grown up not trusting her own feelings and inner knowing. She was constantly seeking validation from those around her, and she was exhausted as a result of this. It is very tiring trying to control others instead of trusting yourself.
Everyone has the ability to move beyond a fear of authority. Everyone can do the inner work, by practicing Inner Bonding, of learning to trust yourself. The more you connect with your true essence and your higher power, the more you will trust your inner knowing.
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