As women, each of us embrace our own personal perspective when we think about pregnancy, birth or parenting. Some of us have waited to be mothers since we were little girls. While on the flip side, some of us get morning sickness from the mere thought of it. No matter where we stand, fear of the unknown or a lack of experience may produce a sense of vulnerability, or perhaps, a negative mindset. Maybe, it is from the way Hollywood portrays the frazzled mother? Or, maybe a friend’s personal birth story produced the jitters. Certainly, a lack of positive guidance, from the sources we look to and respect, can create confusion.
What if we could actively change our perspective.... allowing ourselves to be transformed as women? Is it possible to change the outcome of our birth experiences.... even who we will be as parents?
To be honest…the thought of pregnancy, let alone parenting, terrified me. Even with my wellness upbringing, I was convinced I wanted to be pumped with as many drugs as possible when giving birth. Most of those wishes stemmed from my own fear. Now looking back, a lack of education about pregnancy and the birth experience produced my state of mind.
Destiny intervened about one year before I became...OOPS... PREGNANT! My perspective was first challenged when some friends of mine shared their home birth on Instagram. The little moments they shared were hilarious.... A touching contrast to my idea of birth! I was shocked! The couple actually appeared to be enjoying themselves. It was like nothing I had ever seen before!!! Over the course of their big event, the husband would share his vulnerable laugh-out-loud humor, along with moments of touching and passionate love for his wife. For the first time ever, I saw birth (and becoming a parent) as a beautiful and exciting experience.
— photo at 6 months pregnant with my mom
Jump 14 months ahead, to the day I found out I was pregnant. I was terrified. When I recovered from the shock, I remembered that couple and contacted them. Their approach intrigued me. It was a powerful contrast to what I was dreading! I wanted to know their SECRET. From that conversation and the resources they suggested, I began my 180-degree transformation about how I saw birth. I went on to have a non-medicated natural birth (water tub included) nine months later, in a local birth center.
So, what changed?
**(some of the photo’s taken during my birth)
— Notepad we used to monitor early labor contractions, prior to the Doula arriving...
— My husband coaching me through contractions and various labor techniques...
— More techniques and changing of positions with support of my Doula & husband...
— Laboring in the tub. Soaking in the hot water was heaven...
— Seconds after my son was born...
— Time standing still...
— Midwife, Teera, checking Wesley after skin to skin...
— More skin to skin with my little guy.. and an aromotheraphy massage from my incredible Doula...
— First family selfie :) ...
— My “laugh-out-loud” moment... aka we forgot my birth bag and change of clothing. Luckily Hubbie had his extra change of clothing... which I wore home. Oh so glamorous. Oh well... I did just have a baby.
— Home sweet home, 3 hours after we gave birth. Baby Wesley meet your kitty...
— Daddy & Wesley...
— Tucked in together after a long day.
Remember the resources that my friends recommended? I chose to explore each support group! I went from fear to empowerment...literally overnight. I tell you this not to pat myself on the back. I believe my story can be every woman’s story if she has the right resources, tools and community. The first step to finding this support is knowing these resources exist.
**(photographs of some of our various support groups along the way)
Here are the top 8 communities that can impact your pregnancy, birth plan and parenting journey, for the positive. Some of these communities have been misunderstood. I can only express the positive impact they had on my journey. I am confident in sharing these resources with other women. You deserve to know about them!
1.) Take a birth course: At first, the thought of a birth class bored me. After the first few classes, I saw it in a very different light. Looking back, I am 100% confident my birth would have been much harder (possibly with complications) without the knowledge, resources and skills I gained from this class. There are many different types of classes out there. My personal favorite is the Bradley Method Course, also known as the Husband Coached Child Birth. Through this class, my husband and I learned about my body, birth options available to us, our rights in healthcare and even how to support one another during the pregnancy and the birth. We were plugged into additional resources and professionals, while forming friendships with other couples that we still connect with today. The Bradley Method offers a childbirth class that gives you the information you need to make proactive and informed decisions about your health and your baby’s care before, during and after birth.
(image by: www.growing-families.com)
2.) Use a Midwife to deliver your baby: Through the birth of my son, I learned midwives are educated compassionate women. They create a safe and powerful space for a woman in birth. My Midwife Teera, was at one point a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) Nurse and a Le Leche League Leader. She was available by phone (even text) any time I needed her. She was proactive in my nutritional care, as well as my post-natal support. She visited me at home several times during the first few weeks after our baby was born. I will never forget how she taught me to watch for a specific way my son’s jaw should be moving so that I could ensure he had a strong latch and steady flow of milk. This critical information contributed to successful breastfeeding!
The Midwives Alliance Of North America defines Midwives as “trained professionals with expertise and skills in supporting women to maintain healthy pregnancies and have optimal births and recoveries during the postpartum period. Midwives provide women with individualized care uniquely suited to their physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and cultural needs. Midwifery is a woman-centered empowering model of maternity care that is utilized in all of the countries of the world with the best maternal and infant outcomes...”. They go on to say that “ In most countries, midwives are primary health care providers and the central pillar in maternity care and women’s health. However, slightly more than 10% of births in the U.S. are attended by midwives. Countries that utilize midwives as primary health care providers are also those countries in which mothers and infants fare best. The United States continues to RANK BEHIND most of the DEVELOPED WORLD in terms of infant and maternal mortality.” To find a midwife research acnm.org (American College Of Nurse-Midwives).
3.) Add a Doula to your birth team: We almost did not have one because my husband and I did not understand where she would fit into our birth plan. Little did we know what an intricate and necessary part she would play. I had an extremely fast labor with heavy back labor pain. My Doula, Jessica, was on call via text and phone day or night for me. She answered my many questions and provided just as many resources. Two weeks past my due date, my Doula was able to provide me with an array of techniques to bring on labor naturally. When labor began, she arrived at our home to support us in those first few hours before moving to our birth center. She supported me with visualization, breathing techniques, counter-pressure, labor positioning and kind words of support. She was able to give my husband a moment to breath between my steady contractions. Without her guidance and physical support, I am not sure we would have made it into the car and on to our birth center in time.
The word "Doula" comes from the Greek word meaning "woman who serves." According to Dona.org, a Doula is a “trained professional who provides continuous physical, emotional and informational support to a mother before, during and shortly after childbirth to help her achieve the healthiest, most satisfying experience possible.” They go on to say “countless scientific trials examining Doula care demonstrate remarkably improved physical and psychological outcomes for both mother and baby.” From my own experience I would have to agree. My Doula was absolutely necessary physically and psychologically! To find a Doula you can research Dona.org.
4.) Get adjusted regularly by a Chiropractor: I did not experience the pre-natal ailments that my pregnant friends were telling me they were experiencing. Why? I believe it is because I received chiropractic adjustments 2-3 times per week as part of my pre-natal wellness care. The typical symptoms that would normally go along with pregnancy (heartburn, morning sickness, swelling or back pain) were minimal or missed entirely. I credit my fast labor, in part, to my chiropractic visits. The educated chiropractor can also plug you into other great communities. I found my birthing class, Doula, nutrition support, and Acupuncturist through my chiropracter. In addition, I was introduced to my attachment based parenting and baby wearing community of friends. Believe it or not my son gets adjusted regularly. He has seen the chiropractor since the first week of his life for wellness care. Shocking as this may seem, chiropractic allows us to get immediate results for our baby when he experiences colic, constipation or sleep issues. We have seen the long-term benefit of a stronger immune system to combat (or prevent) the typical cold or flu. In the first year of my son's life, he only had a mild cold once.
(image credit: www.truechiropractic.com)
5.) Find an Acupuncturist & Chinese Herbalist: In my first trimester, I had a small amount of morning sickness. Acupuncture, chiropractic and consuming the right nutrients allowed me to get immediate relief. I also was able to use acupuncture, a few days prior to my birthing, to help bring on labor naturally versus the painful rupturing of my membrane or the use of drugs like Pitocin. The right Acupuncturist can support you with severe heartburn, migraines and more. A reputable Chinese Herbalist can even support you in creating the correct supplementation to combat postpartum depression or increase milk supply.
6.) Connect with a Naturopathic Doctor: Focusing on nutrition by eating properly and using correct supplementation is such a vital part of pre-natal and post-natal care. As pregnant women, we can always be better informed about what supplementation, herbs, and nutrient-dense food to consume, not only for our own health but for baby's optimal growth. A good naturopathic doctor is educated in nutrition and uses tests to find what we really need instead of some random prenatal vitamin off the shelf. Choosing to include a professional Naturopathic Practitioner on your birth team will help you easily combat many of the common nuisances of pregnancy, prevent complications during birth and provide our babies crucial nutrients needed for development through adullthood!
7.) Research & connect with an Attachment Based Parenting Community: To an outsider, it may appear that this style of parenting creates a “needy or dependent child”. When in actuality, the focus is on the long term benefits of creating a well-rounded, independent, confident and caring adult. In my opinion, this community has it right. This style of parenting truly evaluates the psychological impact we have on our children as parents, even the image (or self worth) our children place on themselves later in life as adults. This community is my go-to resource for learning about co-sleeping, babywearing, breastfeeding and even potty training (aka what they would call elimination communication). These moms do their research.... and although you may not use everything.... they sure can point you in the right direction for support. Start with by connecting with a local Babywearing International Group in your area. From there, you will never be in the position of lacking resources or friends.
8.) Find Post-Partum Support & Resources BEFORE giving birth: Nothing but experience can prepare us completely for breastfeeding, figuring out our sleep arrangements, self-care and mom brain. Then add the cultural rat race we live in, as a culture, and a new mom has a lot to contend with early on her journey! Finding a local support group that can help us with these topics is vital. Free support groups like the La Leche League and Post-Partum Doulas can help this process be more comfortable, enjoyable and allow us to feel part of a community.
Did you use any of these resources during your birth? Did I miss any that you feel other moms need to hear about? Please comment below and share your experience...
To learn MORE about each of these topics and others, on a deeper level, check out the “Happy Healthy Mama Online Summit” created by My Nest Matters. The topics are discussed in detail by professionals in each of these categories. You will walk away with a new found confidence about being pregnant, the birth process and becoming a parent. You will also be referred to an array of resources, tools and communities you can connect with immediately.
Happy Healthy Mama Online Summit Details:
You can follow Sarah online for more topics and resource options on natural birthing, parenting and living. She can be found on her blog, www.MyNestMatters.com, as well as Facebook and Instagram as @Sarahs_Nest.