ABC greenlit a three-hour musical version of the 1987 film, and all we can say is: WHY? Have we all learned nothing from "Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights"?
The original film is a camp classic complete with steamy love scenes and political undertones. In our opinion, it shouldn't be subjected to this cruel remake treatment. Here's why:
Advertisement
1.No one could ever replace Patrick Swayze
The key to making a "Dirty Dancing" remake is finding the right actor to take on the iconic role of Johnny Castle: sexy dance instructor/enemy of corners everywhere. What made Patrick Swayze such a unique commodity in Hollywood was his ability to make falling in love with the "bad boy" character the right choice. Those puppy-dog eyes didn't hurt either. Who are they going to cast in this one? Justin Bieber?
2. We're not convinced Abigail Breslin is Baby material
Sure, Abigail Breslin has done a great job transforming into Chanel no. 5 on Fox's "Scream Queens," and she charmed us all as Olive in "Little Miss Sunshine," but we just can't see her in the role of Baby. Jennifer Grey brought a complex mix of innocence and maturity to the character that we're just not sure Breslin can match. If you ask us, trying to replace Grey is a losing battle.
Advertisement
3. There's no way they can top the line: "I carried a watermelon."
Diehard "Dirty Dancing" fans will know that this scene is one of the most ~iconic~ in the entire film. It's the beginning of a beautiful, forbidden relationship, and no one will ever be able to make it better.
4. They're turning it into a musical.
Yes, "Dirty Dancing" had music in it, but it was not a musical -- that only happened later. And when are TV networks and Hollywood bigwigs going to realize that not every show needs to get the musical treatment? If you're going to remake a classic, do it right or don't do it at all.
5. And it's three f**king hours
Part of the reason "Dirty Dancing" became a classic was because it was a simple, sweet and relatively short story. Clocking in at 100 mins, the movie wasted no time on extraneous sub plots or ham-fisted political overtones. This remake, on the other hand, will have a three-hour-long running time. Three hours of what? Unnecessary drama and protracted dance sequences? If Hollywood is going to ruin our childhood, it might as well get it over with quickly.
6. Kelly Bishop
Bishop played the mother to Jennifer Grey's character, Baby, as well as the "Gilmore Girls" matriarch, with delicious bitchiness. If she's roped into this mess, expect the producers to get a talking-to that goes a little something like this ...
Advertisement
7. They already tried remaking the movie for TV, and it didn't go so well
That's right -- in 1988, a short-lived (read: one season) TV series based on "Dirty Dancing" aired, starring Patrick Cassidy and Melora Hardin. We'd say that the fact that no one remembers it is a pretty good indication of how terrible it was.
8. They also tried making a sequel that -- surprise! -- was a flop
Remember "Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights"? Yeah, we'd rather forget about it too. The film currently has a 22% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, and according to Box Office Mojo, its total domestic gross didn't even surpass its production budget. Need we say more? The film did, however, give us a Johnny Castle cameo, so we guess we can give it that.
Advertisement
9. Chris Judd proceeded to further bastardize the original with his 2006 reality show
Remember Chris Judd? J.Lo's ex-husband? Still no? Well, he hosted a reality show version on WE for one disastrous season. Take a look below -- the promo is cringeworthy.
Please, ABC, keep this remake deep in the corner.
Also on HuffPost:
Celebrity News & Photos
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.