Bullying is just some kid being a jerk to some wimp. It’s just standard playground stuff. Or so we tell ourselves when we don’t want to face the mess we’ve made. Bullying costs millions of dollars and steals incalculable measures of human potential, peace, and joy. Too many of us grownups are bullies at home, at work, and in public, and the kids are learning from what they see. Unless adults grasp how traumatic and costly bullying can be, our anti-bullying policies and advocacy will be for naught.
Bullying and its ripple effect take a significant toll on individuals, couples, families, children, employers, workplaces, and the economy. Bullying can lead to academic failure, professional failure, and financial strain, which are linked to increased incidence of domestic violence, substance abuse, divorce and disruption of normal childhood development. These, in turn, further diminish lives and drive up costs, both human and monetary.
Kids who are bullied suffer psychologically, physically and academically. Kids who are bullied struggle to pay attention, skip school, see their grades fall, and score lower on standardized tests. Some drop out of school. Being bullied can lead to headaches, sleep problems, anxiety, and depression, among other psychosomatic symptoms. Treatment for these problems can be lengthy and costly, and the academic losses can severely limit their future effectiveness, opportunities and earning ability.
Adults are bullied, too, at home, at work and elsewhere. A study commissioned by the Workplace Bullying Institute found that 35 percent “have experienced bullying firsthand.” Among all U.S. adults, 39 percent have experienced abuse:
• Called names (31 percent);
• Pushing, slapping, choking or hitting (21 percent);
• Public humiliation (19 percent);
• Kept from friends or family (13 percent);
• Threats to family (10 percent); and
• Rape (9 percent).
The longer the bullying, the more severe the effects are on physical and mental health. Bullying is associated with debilitating anxiety, panic attacks, clinical depression, PTSD and suicide. Although PTSD is often thought of as a war wound, it also results from school bullying, childhood abuse, domestic violence, and workplace bullying. One study found that 29 percent of bullied targets considered suicide.
The costs to employers of those bullied are also high. These include costs of: turnover (COBRA , recruiting, lost productivity, etc.); workers’ compensation; disability insurance; litigation and settlements; absenteeism; and lost opportunities.
At Family Service Madison, we specialize in the trauma-informed therapy required by injuries inflicted by bullies. The odds are that we’re seeing kids who are bullied at your school or adults or kids bullied at home in your neighborhood. Our employee assistance program may be helping to stop bullying in a workplace very near you. But this is after the bullying has taken its toll.
Prudence suggests we find ways to thwart bullying before it traumatizes, in school, at home, at work, and in the public. We are in the midst of a 17-month spectacle of bullying, otherwise known as “political campaigning.” We expect candidates to vigorously campaign, but what lowers this to bullying is the attack on noncandidates, including: veterans and their families, people with disabilities, reporters, staff, opponents’ spouses, and people of minority religions, cultures, and races. The attacks are not political, but personal. Targets are called, among other things: ugly, losers, lightweights, weak, dopey, lazy, childish, small, crazy, goofy, stupid, beggars, lethargic, clownish, foolish, rapists, and unworthy of consideration. This behavior by national leaders helps normalize bullying and create a culture in which bullying is tolerated, rewarded, even emulated. Little wonder, then, that we see it at work, at home, and at school.
How might we combat this? Our journey to an end of bullying begins, I think, with a look in the mirror: What words and actions am I tolerating, condoning, supporting or using that I know I should not? What is my example teaching? To start, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”