It’s the time of the year where well-meaning parents buy into a less than stellar idea. Yes, summer is upon us. This is the time of year when posts about boredom jars are nearly everywhere. Apparently, if a child is bored, we should punish that child by insisting they choose a chore from the boredom jar. Sadly, this does not solve the problem. The child will still be bored. He may begin to dislike cleaning and consider it punishment even as an adult. A child may also feel put down by the parents. He may think we don’t care, won’t listen and empathize, or don’t want to spend time with him.
Look, I get it. I have three children and they do, at times, come to me and say “I’m bored”. It can be frustrating to hear this over and over again especially if I am busy. The problem is that though children may think they are bored, they are most likely asking for your attention. Chores won’t change that need. Using chores to urge children to leave us alone can cause an adversarial rift between parent and child.
What should we do when our children say “I’m bored”? My first suggestion is always to give the child attention. Play a game, take a walk, or chat with each other. If you cannot help at that moment, then explain the situation. Make a few activity suggestions and let the child know when you will be able to spend time together. By explaining your need to complete a task, your children will learn to accept your boundaries. By coming back to spend time with the children when you say you will, they learn that you can be trusted and their needs will be met. You are teaching boundaries, respect, patience, and strengthening your bond all at the same time. Keep in mind that this is not always an immediate understanding between parent and child. You may have to repeat yourself in a patient, respectful way to get the results you need.
Another strategy is using an Activity Jar. Sit together as a family when adding activity ideas to the jar so everyone has input. Potential Activity Jar ideas include creating an obstacle course in the backyard, reading a new book, writing a play, creating a board game, baking bread, and making a small sculpture out of clay. Notice that these ideas can be solitary or completed as a group. There is no right or wrong way to do this, but keep in mind that versatility can help children to succeed using the Activity Jar.
An Adventure Jar, similar to an Activity Jar, is another helpful tool. Again, ask the children to help fill this jar with ideas. Add local adventure ideas like hiking, building a fort, planting a garden, and climbing a tree. Keep in mind the ability and maturity levels of your children when deciding which activities to include and how much supervision they need in each situation. If an idea is suggested, but is not yet appropriate, then write it down and put it somewhere safe until it is developmentally appropriate. If the idea is unsafe, try to think of another way to do a similar activity, but in a safe way. We live in Florida and I would absolutely say no to swimming in a local alligator infested lake. However, we can go to our neighbor’s pool or the beach on my day off. One reason I love the idea of using an Adventure or Activity Jar is because I would like to play a game of pirates in the yard more than writing a blog post. You might find me using the adventure jar more often than my children do this summer!
Children get bored. Children want attention. It’s okay to work with our kids to find solutions that work for everyone. There is no need to punish by insisting chores be the consequence of voicing the feeling of boredom. You can balance work and time with the kids. You can teach children to play without you as well. Invest time and creativity in children and they will blossom. You might even have some fun, too. I know I will!
Melissa Walley Packwood, M.S. Ed. is a freelance writer and education consultant who focuses on education, parenting, relationships and human rights. She holds degrees in anthropology and education. Melissa has contributed to her blog at Intuitive Behavioral and Educational Strategies as well as The Brainy Tourist and Family Sprouts. In addition, she authored Expand Your Parenting Toolbox: Create a More Peaceful Home and contributed to Zen Parenting: The Book which is currently being edited.
Melissa resides in Florida with her three lively children and their energetic terrier/beagle mix. She enjoys spending time reading and hanging out at local beaches.