And the heartfelt words inside?
Choosing a Father’s Day card was always a struggle for me. I didn’t NOT want to send my father a card as that would be dismissive and possibly even be construed as cruel. But Hallmark had failed me on choosing the right words to describe my relationship with my dad. My dad was the curmudgeon type with rarely a nice word to say about me or any of my siblings – and there were 9 others. He called us selfish, surly, and stupid, all words I might use to describe him. So the yearly challenge of visiting the card store and choosing a card for him was a task I dreaded. If I got him one of those sappy cards, he would know I was disingenuous and more appropriately, a liar.
One year I thought I could use my delegation skills to avoid the dreaded task. My daughter was headed to the card store to find the right card for HER dad. I made my request and she was happy to look for me. Fifteen minutes later the phone rang! “Mom, there aren’t any good cards for Grandpop!” It wasn’t just me. A 17-year-old knew that you couldn’t send “fake” Father’s Day cards, to my father or anyone else.
I finally made the CVS discovery! CVS carried “funny” Father’s Days cards that were more appropriate for my dad and more fitting for our relationship. I found one that highlighted his Help Desk calls to me. Then another funny one about my brother’s limited driving skills! When I found a good one, I immediately called/emailed/texted a sibling to share my find. Then I’d buy multiple cards so I could use one for his birthday, at the end of June, and use it again NEXT year for Father’s Day.
People who have those Hallmark dads are lucky, for sure. But I’m still relieved now that I don’t have to face the row of cards in mid-June and feel the frustration of not being able to find the right one. I know, things could be worse…but they could have been better, too.
I also was sad that none of the cards was fitting. I wanted to have a dad that taught me everything; a dad that I thanked for all he did. Don’t get me wrong, my dad was a good provider and he did educate me. My dad gave me a few gifts: my sense of humor, my love of show tunes and my ability to forgive. For those gifts, I am truly thankful. My dad died 4 years ago, at the beginning of June. I didn’t have to buy a Father’s Day card or a birthday card. And I was thankful for that.
Originally published in FamilyAffairs.com in June, 2016