It's now been four years since my only child, Connor, went off grid. I say "off grid" because he is no longer physically accessible. He is no longer living a traditional life.
Four years ago Connor was struck and killed in a pedestrian crosswalk when a distracted driver ran a red light.
Yes, there was real rawness in having my world turn completely upside down at the loss of the physical version of my son. However, since that moment, he and I began forging an ever expanding relationship beyond the realms of physical-to-physical. Connor and I moved from the roles of mother and son, to the acknowledgment and experience of a soul-to-soul relationship in non-physical form. It was the only way forward given the circumstances.
I realize that may sound strange or even impossible to many people. Yet I also recognize that as long as I am still here on the planet, I have the opportunity - the soul purpose in fact - to share and model this evolving, non-traditional soul-to-soul relationship that anyone can have with those who have passed on.
Now, I still live in the physical world. It's where I function as a human being. It's where I work and play. And age. It's where linear time continues to move forward, year after year. I am acutely aware that Connor is not here in the world as we commonly know it, and I continually shift to the remembrance that he is here energetically, soulfully, as the expansive loving energy I have known forever.
However, because I am deeply connected to the soul of Connor, living in his reality as much as I'm able, linear time has shifted for me. It does not hold the same understanding or even the same structure as it once did.
My relationship with Connor is not stuck in the past, nor am I left to only imagine a future that will never be.
I have rich, juicy memories of the sentimental relationship I had with my son when he was alive in physical form. Those memories do not limit the next evolution of our relationship. They bridge it. They give it the heart it needs to help me, for I'm the one left in the physical form to straddle both realities.
Yes, linear time continues in the physical reality. I watch it all around me. Many of the girlfriends I am surrounded by are now becoming grandmothers. This is the next evolution of physical relationship with their child in linear time for them.
I understand it. I observe it. It's just not MY evolution. And certainly not my linear reality.
I have taken a different path. A path that does not end the relationship because it is no longer predominantly physical. A path that does not say, "It's over. He's gone."
The path I am forging in my physical body, my mind, my emotions, is a non-physical movement in another direction.
In the wee hours of the early morning when my cats tell me the birds are singing, I awaken to feel Connor's presence. I feel the connection to his soul. I feel him in the afterlife. I feel him as so much more than my son, Connor.
It is at those linear times that he and I slip between the realms, and join together. It's in those moments - hours often - that we share our continuing "lives" together.
Connor does not share earthly realities with me. He shares the expansive understanding and love he resides in - "in Level Seven" he tells me. I want to know more.
We are not necessarily talking in verbal ways, either. We are communing. Infusing. Communicating in waves of awareness and soul love.
When morning truly breaks for the physical day to begin, I feel the shift. I feel the need to straddle both realities again.
Breathe.
This is where I am four linear years after the physical relationship I had with my son Connor took a different path. It's still an amazing, loving relationship. It's still an evolution. It's just not linear and physical.