Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Got up early to bake muffins for my kids before school and now I've changed my mind about having kids.
— Just Linda (@LindaInDisguise) September 11, 2015
Nothing says "Good Morning" like my son shouting to the whole neighborhood "I QUIT AT LIFE!" because his shoe came untied.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 10, 2015
My kids started 3rd grade and Middle School today, so I'm pretty emotional right now. ("Totally f*cking thrilled" is an emotion, right?)
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) September 8, 2015
There are moms who are potty training their 6 week olds. I'm trying to figure out if my 3yo ate an Oreo for breakfast or swept the chimney.
— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) September 10, 2015
3-year-old: Where are we going? Me: Preschool 3: I don't need to go there anymore Me: Why not? 3: I already learned everything last time
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 10, 2015
I bet I could climb that. -toddlers
— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) September 8, 2015
There's no time like the present. Unless you have kids, then there's just no time.
— YKIHAYHT (@YKIHAYHT) September 10, 2015
No doubting my 5yo's genes. Before trampoling: "gonna do a triple somersault!" 1 lesson later: "harder than I thought. Shall I do karate?"
— Mark, Sonny, & Luca (@sonnyandluca) September 10, 2015
Kindergarten orientation: Teacher: Does your name start with a P and end with an L? 5yo: I don’t know but my balloon in the hall says Paul.
— Court (@Discourt) September 7, 2015
If ever there is a morning when my boys are guaranteed to spill orange juice down their shirts and shorts, you can bet it's Picture Day.
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) September 9, 2015
Before I had kids, I thought the worst way to wake up was by having a nightmare. WRONG. It's by having a toddler jump on your stomach.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) September 8, 2015
"Watch me poop. Now watch me peepee." My toddler's version of Whip and Nae Nae
— Marl Beans (@Marlebean) September 8, 2015
Million dollar idea: mitten clips, but for kids' shoes.
— Sara (@smilely_gal) September 10, 2015
Not sure why all driver's ed classes aren't taught by my 7yo b/c apparently he knows everything about driving and how I'm doing it wrong.
— Sarah (est. 1975) (@est1975blog) September 10, 2015
Tuesday: Day 1 of school, preschool, and back to work. Wednesday: Home with two sick kids. Classic.
— Mommy, for real. (@MommyisForReal) September 9, 2015
"All dey do is hit and catch da ball. It's bo-wing." --my 4yo on baseball
— CrazyExhaustion (@CrazyExhaustion) September 8, 2015
If you think about it, toddlers and adults aren't that different. We both want complete freedom to tell other people what to do.
— Honest Toddler (@HonestToddler) September 8, 2015
I don't know what in the hell I'm doing. - me, everyday as a parent
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) September 10, 2015
Every classroom we visited last night had a butterfly theme. It's like Mariah Carey wrote the 6th grade curriculum for our school.
— The Dose of Reality (@TheDoseTweets) September 11, 2015
What did you learn in school? 4 year old: "How to say Daddy in french" How do you say it? "Poop" No, I don't think- "YES IT IS, POOPY"
— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) September 10, 2015
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