Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
*6 year old me* I wish I was a grown up so I could do what I want. *39 year old me* I wish I was 6 so I could do what I want.
— Northern Lights (@PinkCamoTO) January 4, 2016
Listen, kids are great and maybe even the best but they are also gross weirdos figuring out how to be human beings through trial and error
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) January 7, 2016
Parenting in the winter is just four straight months of yelling "SHUT THE DOOR!"
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) January 5, 2016
10: "Mom, we're out of toothpaste." Me: "That's ok. I'll just use some of the giant globs you've left on the counter & mirror."
— Sara (@smilely_gal) January 8, 2016
"Who's kids are these?! Somebody get them under control!" I shout in public as I slowly back away from my own children.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 8, 2016
Kids are made up of 80% snacks and 20% an empty pit awaiting snacks.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) January 7, 2016
"You want to SLEEP?! LOLOLOL." -Kids
— Will Goldstein (@willgoldstein) January 8, 2016
Forecast is sunny with MY CHILDREN ARE BACK IN SCHOOL.
— Ann Imig (@annsrants) January 4, 2016
I made a New Year's Resolution for the moms at my son's school to stop being bad at parking their stupid minivans but UUUUGH it didn't work.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) January 4, 2016
A Parent's Netflix queue: -Kids' stuff -That 1 episode of that 1 show that you keep trying to watch but fall asleep during.
— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) January 7, 2016
Nothing says "Good morning" like your child handing you a field trip form for $125. Due today.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 7, 2016
My fave part of mealtime is when my kids eat half their food & then decide it's nasty. Makes me all warm and fuzzy. Or maybe that's rage.
— Toni Hammer (@realtonihammer) January 4, 2016
At that point of laundry where it's a good thing everyone got new underwear for Christmas.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 5, 2016
Things I've learned since becoming a mom: Parenting is basically asking your kid if they have to pee....90 times a day.
— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) January 4, 2016
Me:Let the Hunger Games begin! Kid 1: Not hungry Kid 2: Me neither Baby: [eating food off floor] K1: I want some K2: Me too K1: No K2: Mine!
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) January 6, 2016
My music knowledge is limited to two distinct time periods: 1. Before kids 2. After kids, but when I could still figure out the damn iTunes
— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) January 6, 2016
Me: Do you like my new scarf? 9yo: I give it a 2. Me: Out of 10? 9yo: Out of 30.
— Experienced Bad Mom (@ExperBadMom) January 7, 2016
Also on HuffPost:
Cute Kid Notes
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Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
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