Funniest Parenting Tweets: What Moms And Dads Said On Twitter This Week

The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!

Don't ask me if I've seen a new movie. I have four little girls. If there wasn't a singing princess in it, the answer is no.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 11, 2016

BABY BOSS: we need to talk about your work ethic ME: *covers face with hands* BABY BOSS: oh guess he's out for lunch. I'll talk to him later

— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) January 12, 2016

I didn't win the PowerBall, but my kids let me sleep until 8am, which is basically the same thing.

— The Glad Stork (@TheGladStork) January 10, 2016

If you enjoy the sound a speaker makes when it's too close to a microphone, then having children might be for you.

— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) January 13, 2016

To those people thinking of having kids, I'd say: Think again.

— OneFunnyMotha (@OneFunnyMotha) January 13, 2016

80% of parenting is running out of the bathroom with your pants around your ankles yelling, "Don't climb on that!"

— Toni Hammer (@realtonihammer) January 11, 2016

Kid 1 crawls: baby book, FB, 2k pics Kid 2: 3 pics Kid 3: *crawls across house, grabs keys & drives off into the night while I'm on phone

— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) January 14, 2016

"Put all the weapons away and clean up any mess or blood you spilled in the basement." - How I let the kids know their playdate is over

— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) January 13, 2016

The falling temperature is inversely proportional to the amount of time it takes my kids to walk from the door to the car.

— Jessica Watson (@JessBWatson) January 13, 2016

Me: [Holding two identical things] 3yo: That one. NO! That one. NO! That one. [repeat 10,000 times] 5yo: No fair. He got the good one.

— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) January 11, 2016

My kids' coughs are at their most dramatic & severe the second I ask them how they're feeling before leaving for school. It's Awards Season.

— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) January 12, 2016

If my kid asks you what you're dressing up as for Valentine's Day just go with it ok? It's been a long day.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 11, 2016

Becoming a parent is like being at a great party & then someone puts a blindfold on u & starts swinging the bat at u instead of the piñata

— Toulouse and Tonic (@toulouseNtonic) January 14, 2016

Kids: Yay!!! A Snow Day. Parents: Shit.... a snow day.

— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) January 12, 2016

"The sooner they learn to drive, the sooner they can drive me around!" I shout as I teach one 6yo to steer and the other to work the pedals.

— Father With Twins (@FatherWithTwins) January 13, 2016

If you build it, they will come just like if my kids touch it, it will be destroyed.

— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) January 12, 2016

The school just called. Instead of picking up I googled BEST CRIMINAL DEFENSE STRATEGIES FOR 6-YR-OLDS. Now I'm prepared for the voicemail.

— Heather B. Armstrong (@dooce) January 13, 2016

So nice of my 3yo to crawl into bed at 6:15 so she could kick me in the back and fart on me. #mondays

— Will Goldstein (@willgoldstein) January 11, 2016

My phone autocorrected "trainwreck" to "trainwreck mom" & now I need to find out which child is responsible for this.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 15, 2016

My 4 yr old son told me I look cute in my shirt. So of course I let him eat fruit snacks for breakfast. It was a win win for both of us.

— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) January 14, 2016

Me: What's some good advice for kids? 3y/o: Don't eat paper. Me: No? 3y/o: It makes you throw up. Feel free to add to your parenting manual

— Mike Reynolds (@PuzzlingPostDad) January 15, 2016

I highly recommend having a 14yo around if you enjoy having everything you say met with, "UGHHHHH."

— Wendi Aarons (@WendiAarons) January 14, 2016

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