Funniest Parenting Tweets: What Moms And Dads Said On Twitter This Week

The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!

I'm not saying I'm a parenting genius but all of my kids went to school without crying this morning.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) April 4, 2016

No one warns you that parenting is 90% paperwork so that other people can take care of your kid.

— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) April 6, 2016

Had to fill out a web form & my son was sitting on my lap. I marked the year I was born and he said, "Wow, Dad. The 19s. That's old."

— Charlie N Andy (@HowToBeADad) April 4, 2016

My kid can ride a bike on two wheels but falls out of his chair while eating so yeah kids are still a mystery to me.

— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) April 5, 2016

Things the baby tried to eat instead of baby food:

1) an unroasted coffee bean

2) a small rock she found on the ground

3) her own foot

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 5, 2016

Me:"Sweetie, what do you say when you do something wrong?"

4yo: "I didn't do that!"

— Kathy Cooperman (@Kathy_Cooperman) April 4, 2016

I thought my kids took long getting ready in the morning. Then they started a game called "whoever gets dressed last wins." See you in 3000.

— Mike Reynolds (@PuzzlingPostDad) April 8, 2016

It's good that I have two kids because who DOESN'T hate silence and cleanliness and money and free time?

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) April 4, 2016

20% of parenting is getting hit in the eye at 2am by a tiny, sleeping bed-hog that you created.

— Wendy S. (@maughammom) April 7, 2016

"Wait, when is Mother's Day?"

-Me, borderline panicked, every Saturday night in April.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 2, 2016

"Write this down! This is important!" demanded my son, while dictating instructions for throwing people into volcanos.

— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) April 8, 2016

*at store
Me: What kind cereal - Cheerios or Cinnamon Toast Crunch?
6yo: Cheerios!
*Next morning
Me: Want cereal?
6: Cinnamon Toast Crunch!

— Father With Twins (@FatherWithTwins) April 5, 2016

PRO TIP: The serving size on a package of food doesn't factor kids' eating habits. Subtract 98% for healthy foods. Add 600% for snacks.

— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) April 7, 2016

6yo: "Daddy! We're ready to go to the bagel store! We have matching socks, matching pajamas, and we're both going commando! Want to see?"

— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) April 2, 2016

6yo: WAS I IN WORLD WAR 2?

Me: No

6: CUZ THAT WAS LIKE OVER 20 YEARS AGO?

M:

1st grade history lesson. Brought to you by Common Core.

— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) April 8, 2016

Approaching a child with a comb is a lot like approaching someone with a chainsaw.

— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) April 5, 2016

dad: "how about oatmeal for breakfast"
kids: "ok"
dad: "no, you guys need to AGREE!!"
kids: "we DID!!!!"
dad: "sorry, my auto reply was on"

— dadmissions (@Dadmissions) April 5, 2016

[Listening to Hungry Like the Wolf]
10yo: When did this come out?
Me: Hmm...'82?
10: 19 or 18?
Me:...

— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) April 2, 2016
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