Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Work hard all year to take your family on a beach vacation so you can listen to your kid ask to go to the pool instead of the ocean.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 22, 2016
No problem, I'll just sit over here and wait patiently.
— Diane Huntington (@idtweetforever) July 19, 2016
- said no kid ever
The great thing about Disneyland is you can pay top dollar to listen to your kids argue at "The Happiest Place on Earth."
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 21, 2016
My daughter had to sit in my office at work for a bit and ruined my career by yelling "oh, can I play Pokemon too!" at the top of her lungs.
— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) July 19, 2016
If I'm saving my kid's life at the pool the whole time, who is saving my life while they try to drown me the whole time?
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) July 17, 2016
I guess this is growing up pic.twitter.com/crl5Pur6DQ
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) July 22, 2016
Downward facing dog but one kid is sliding down my back and the other has already de-pantsed me.
— Heather has kids (@heatherhaskids) July 22, 2016
My 3YO thinks Oregon is actually called "Or" and we've just already been there.
— John Kinnear (@askdadblog) July 17, 2016
Want to go to Oregon?
Yeah! I want to go to Or! Again!
When someone asks what it's like to be a mom I show them the magazine I've been carrying for 6mths,because dammit I'm gonna read it one day.
— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) July 21, 2016
A 1986 Buick just drove by us and my 8yo told my 5yo to look at the car from the 1800s in case anyone thought kids have a grasp of time.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) July 20, 2016
Playing Twister with your kids is a great way of feeling young at heart, but old on every other part of your body.
— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) July 19, 2016
Scheduled 3 dental, 1 glasses and 2 doctor appointments in the next week. It's the "End of Summer Dash." Hope I get a t-shirt.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) July 22, 2016
Me: Did you wash your hands?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 22, 2016
6-year-old: Yes.
Me: They're still completely dry.
6: You didn't say "today."
My baby girl sneezed the cutest sneeze on me yesterday...I am now bed ridden.
— Shock Jacques (@jnyemb) July 18, 2016
Kids: What's for dinner?
— Amanda Rodriguez (@thedudemom) July 19, 2016
Me: I would very much like to be excluded from this narrative. One that I never asked to be a part of.
Why is play cleaning so much fun, but picking up their toys is so far fetched?
— Jennifer White (@yenniwhite) July 21, 2016
At the Lego store:
— Stacey Sordahl (@DrunkAtThePTA) July 21, 2016
Would you like a bag?
No, just dump them right into this vacuum canister and we can cut out the middle man.
My 3-year-old brushing her 5-year-old sister's hair? Cute.
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) July 20, 2016
Using my toothbrush to do it? Not-so-cute.
If you're happy and you know it... You're probably not my kid during dinnertime.
— Charlie N Andy (@HowToBeADad) July 20, 2016
I asked the kids to pack their own bags for our wknd trip & looks like they'll be walking around the beach naked w/fistfuls of Legos & candy
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) July 21, 2016
Every commercial that advises kids to "ask your parents to download this app!" is my least favorite commercial.
— Sarah (est. 1975) (@est1975blog) July 18, 2016
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some women get woken up by theur husbands bringing coffee in bed. I was woken up by a 3yo licking my face #momlife
— Lisa Witepski (@LisaWitepski) July 17, 2016