Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Camp should end 4 minutes before the new school year starts.
— mama bird diaries (@mamabirddiaries) August 1, 2016
Parenting tip: maybe don't leave Hungry Hungry Hippos on the floor of a dark room.
— Rachel Dratch (@TheRealDratch) August 1, 2016
Hospitals should really send a nurse home with new moms, just to help out, not forever but maybe for the first 18 years or so.
— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) August 3, 2016
I'm just a girl. Standing in front of a coffee mug. Hoping to drink it before it's cold.
— Jennifer White (@yenniwhite) August 1, 2016
Son is smuggling six PopTarts out of our hotel breakfast so he has "something for the ride home."
— Steve Olivas (@steveolivas) August 1, 2016
Apparently we're taking a covered wagon.
If you're not prepared to spend 1/3 of your day "watching this," then you aren't ready to be a parent.
— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) August 4, 2016
Healthy Parenting Tip No. 34: Get the child into showbiz as soon as possible.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 1, 2016
I don't care how cute your kid is. When you wake up in the middle of the night and see them standing next to your bed, they are terrifying.
— Wendy S. (@maughammom) August 1, 2016
My biggest parenting conundrum: why it is so hard to put someone who is already sleepy to sleep
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) August 5, 2016
I just sang along to Madonna's "Holiday" in the car.
— Obi-Jacques-onobi (@jnyemb) August 1, 2016
I don't care though.
I was a hit with the kids.#CantTellMeNothin
"STOP SCREAMING!", she screamed at her kids.
— Carbosly (@Carbosly) August 3, 2016
Me: "Stop running in this house!"
— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) July 31, 2016
My toddler: pic.twitter.com/keWHRlSaNy
When do children grasp the concept of personal space? And does anyone have a place I can crash until mine finally do? Just for a few years!
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) August 3, 2016
Raise your hand if you addressed and stamped dozens of postcards for your kid to send you from camp & you have so far received zero.
— Susan Orlean (@susanorlean) August 3, 2016
It's all fun and games during a tickle fight until your kid pees on you.
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) August 4, 2016
Before I had kids, I didn't know you could ruin someone's day by saying, "Put your shoes on, please."
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) August 4, 2016
4-year-old: You've had lots of birthdays.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 3, 2016
Me: Most of them were before you were born.
4: Did you save me cake?
Kids! Quiet down now.
— Peyton Price (@Suburbanhaiku) August 3, 2016
The neighbors are on their deck.
I want to hear this.
There Will Be Blood 2, but it's my wife and I trying to donate some of our sons' toys.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) August 4, 2016
Had to explain to skeptical 8yo that a toiletry is NOT a tree with tiny toilets dangling from its branches.
— Kathy Cooperman (@Kathy_Cooperman) August 3, 2016
Whenever I need to get a message to my wife, I just tell my kids the message and say, "Whatever you do, don't tell your mother."
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) August 4, 2016
I'm quite certain the phrase "Weapons of Mass Destruction" was originally used for siblings who are nearing the end of summer break. #Ugh
— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) August 3, 2016
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.