Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Can you even call yourself a parent if the floor of your minivan isn't littered with dried out McDonald's french fries?
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) November 28, 2016
The hunger games, but it's my kids racing to get the piece of chocolate from the advent calendar.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) December 1, 2016
If you like watching smaller versions of yourself point and laugh while you writhe in pain on the ground, then parenting may be for you.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) November 29, 2016
Elf on a Shelf is a fun and festive way to brag to other moms on Facebook how creative you are and how much extra time you have.
— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) December 1, 2016
"BOYS! ITS NOT THAT KIND OF 'NUTCRACKER' NOW PUT IT BACK!"
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) December 1, 2016
-Things I shouldn't have to yell, holidays edition.
Toddler: I want to do it myself.
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) December 1, 2016
Also toddler: But you better be watching me non-stop, commenting, & let me sit on top of you while I do it
Let's get married & have kids so instead of just going back to work after a holiday we can also find a week old sandwich in a kid's lunchbox
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 28, 2016
Was woken up at 6:02am by two kids scream-singing "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town", in case you're wondering how fun holiday parenting is.
— Six Pack Mom (@Six_Pack_Mom) November 28, 2016
If clearing puzzle pieces, doll shoes and an Easter basket off the table so you can set it for dinner makes sense, you too have a toddler.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) November 30, 2016
When my kids are being quiet pic.twitter.com/4SKtE8SaRw
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) November 30, 2016
Pro Tip: Never take a toddler into a toy store zone without an exit strategy. It will take you years and millions of dollars to get out.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) November 30, 2016
Decorating the house with Christmas carols on full blast so my neighbors can't hear me yelling at my kids to "GET OFF YOUR PHONES AND HELP."
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) November 28, 2016
Me: I read a story today about why we should buy fewer presents at Christmas & do more things together instead.
— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) November 28, 2016
4yo: I'm glad I can't read.
Sometimes the hardest part of being a parent is telling your child they have the wrong number when they text you they forgot their lunch.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) November 28, 2016
Whenever I want my kid to go to bed I just ask her to clean up her toys. Suddenly she can barely keep her eyes open....
— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) December 2, 2016
And thus begins "keeping toddler from pulling ornaments off the tree" season.
— Mike Spohr (@newbornidentity) November 30, 2016
She is wise beyond her years! pic.twitter.com/FlbQuv7bKW
— Experienced Bad Mom (@ExperBadMom) November 30, 2016
Want to be a parent? Things you will argue over:
— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) December 2, 2016
Blackberries.
How necessary is a shower?
Whether grocery stores are clothing optional.
Storage is full and I'm having to make some tough choices about how many pictures of my kid cuddling the cat is too many.
— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) December 1, 2016
I hope you didn't have big plans for Christmas, because my toddler just touched the elf and now "CHRISTMAS IS RUINED!"
— Close to Classy (@closetoclassy) November 29, 2016
Stomach flu is the new water bottle flip. All the kids are doing it.
— Whit Honea (@whithonea) November 30, 2016
Nobody needs a Fitbit to count 10,000 steps all they need is a couple kids who want breakfast.
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) December 1, 2016
How to Decorate a Christmas Tree with Kids:
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) November 30, 2016
1. Unpack ornament
2. Drop repeatedly until it shatters into a million pieces
3. Repeat
Parents are at their most optimistic when predicting what time they'll arrive places.
— Andy Herald (@AndyHerald) December 1, 2016
Kids want to decorate Christmas cookies & I'm like, would you guys settle for squirting ketchup & BBQ sauce on McDonald's chicken nuggets?
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) November 30, 2016